Tarot

My boyfriend has a heroin addiction but will take anything to get off his head really. I thought for the past year that he was working on his recovery...what I didn't realize was that he is still in active addiction he just had periods of sobriety. These periods got shorter and shorter until now he is pretty much using all the time with the odd day of sobriety here and there. He's scared of going to rehab....what's that all about???...if I were him I would be more scared of staying as he is for another 20 years!! Last night he missed another meeting...he obviously had something better to do!! He says AA is a cult and he doesn't get on with his case worker blah blah blah...if you ask me he just wants to have his cake and eat it...me and his habit. He's got no chance! I am embracing my recovery. I am feeling the liberation of letting go and letting God. It's not in my power to get him clean. I see him around looking miserable and get texts saying how miserable he is he is now almost completely lost in his insanity and it is very sad but that's how he is choosing to live. While I am getting stronger with every post on here I read and write and with every meeting I attend and after 4 weeks without him now I am even feeling some true happiness and serenity. I am still thinking about him far too much but am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it has nothing to do with his sobriety anymore! I am starting to worry that even if he does get and stay clean then there's still a long way to go to heal all the mistrust and not worry about relapse. I'm starting to wonder if he will be worth anymore of my time and I certainly don't want to go through all this hell again!! As I am getting stronger...studying Codependent No More, getting all this great advice and strength from you guys on here and at Al Anon...he is getting weaker and further from recovery (not that he was in recovery really though anyway) we are becoming poles apart. I will always think it's sad to see him like that, I don't want to be heartless but I do need to get strong! I just can't believe he chooses that life style, he doesn't look or sound happy! What is up with that?? Or is that just how he portrays his life to me...???

Lastly a massive THANKYOU for all you guyz on here...I wouldn't be seeing this light at the end of the tunnel without y'all!

Tarot

The trouble is that he is looking at recovery for one reason and one reason only... Because of me. He hates himself and says he has no reason to do it for himself. I know for a fact how wrong thinking this is. But how can you convince some one that they are worth it?.. Believe me I have tried! He's just so stubborn too and I think his mind is so gone from all the years of drink n gear that nothing stays in there! I have just about given up now. I still keep in touch with him and agree to see him if he is straight/sober and luckily for my recovery that is not often. The next step is no contact but I tried that and then feel sad when he doesn't text. I guess I am just weening myself off him, but the good news is that I have almost given up on him because he doesn't REALLY want recovery. He didn't even bother to go to his meeting again last night and we only have one a week down here. The last time he went he goofed out in there dropped his coffee and fell off his chair....I shouldn't laugh! Its not funny really. I guess I am so sick of him and his crap just to keep meThanks Wesley. Yesthats his trouble. He is looking at recovery for one reason and one reason only... Because of me. He hates himself and says he has no reason to do it for himself. I know for a fact how wrong thinking this is. But how can you convince some one that they are worth it?.. Believe me I have tried! He's just so stubborn too and I think his mind is so hone from all the drink n gear that nothing stays in there. I have just about given up now. I still keep in touch with him and agree to see him if he is straight/sober and luckily for my recovery that is not often. The next step is no contact but I tried that and then feel sad when he doesn't text. I guess I am just weening myself off hi
Bit the good news is that I have almost given up on him because he doesn't REALLY want recovery. He didn't even bother to go to his meeting again last night and we only have one a week down here. The last time he went he goofed out in there dropped his coffee and fell off his chair....I shouldn't laugh! Lol. I guess I am so sick of him and his bullshittrying to keepme hooked with promises of recovery. I told him about this forum and he has managed to register and write one or two posts but not bothered to read his replies and has excuses when I ask if he has been on here, excuses not reasons. Thankfully though I am getting stronger!! I even felt happiness tonight! For no reason really. When he called earlier to apologize for not turning up when he said he would because he was pinned and didn't want me to see him like that (respect due there I guess) he sounded pissed off that I didn't sound bothered and accused me of being drunk!! That annoyed me. I just said I was doing well in my recovery. Grrr. He sounds so depressed even though he has been using...half of me thinks that jes just putting it on for sympathy. I am so fed up with his manipulation, getting me to feel sorry for him so that he can keep me codependent. Lol now he's sending me texts saying he hasn't done anything!!!...an hour ago he told me he had stood me up because he was pinned!!! Grrr the insanity!!!! hooked with promises of recovery. I told him about this forum and he has managed to register and write one or two posts but not bothered to read his replies and has excuses when I ask if he has been on here, excuses not reasons. Thankfully though I am getting stronger!! I even felt happiness tonight! For no reason really. When he called earlier to apologize for not turning up when he said he would because he was pinned and didn't want me to see him like that (respect due there I guess) he sounded annoyed that I didn't sound bothered and accused me of being drunk!! That annoyed me. I just said I was doing well in my recovery. Grrr. He sounds depressed even though he has been using...half of me thinks that jes just putting it on for sympathy. I am so fed up with his manipulation, getting me to feel sorry for him so that he can keep me codependent. Lol now he's sending me texts saying he hasn't done anything!!!...an hour ago he told me he had stood me up because he was pinned!!! Lol the insanity!! Sooo glad it's becoming like water off a ducks back to me.