LivingforMe

Any tips will be appreciated. I'm trying to kick my alcohol dependence. My husband is a beer drinker but has no problem. He brews beer here at home. He can have just one! We are going to visit my in laws for Thanksgiving and although they don't drink, my sister in law does and we always go out when we visit and drink. Well how do I go and not drink? I've thought about you know offering to get the drinks and just get myself a virgin Shirley temple or something but idk. Maybe I will offer to DD??? Any suggestions?

nonblondechef

Enjoy the holiday and give thanks for taking the steps to improve yourself. Maybe consider a new tradition and NOT go out. Early in my sobriety being in an open, drinking type environment would have been a huge trigger. I do find, when I go out for dinner, etc, that soda water with citrus is refreshing and comes in a pretty glass. I wish you success and welcome to SR - glad you're here!

zanzibar

Does your husband support what you are doing? If so does he understand the discomfort you're having with this. Personally I would not put myself in a drinking atmosphere during early recovery.

Even today I never volunteer as DD as this would make it neccesary for me to stay till the end of the night even if I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. If you do go I would make an escape plan which would include your own transportation, and explaining to your husband that he shouldn't be surprized if you get up and leave when you've had enough.

Be careful though as it's easy to faulter in these situations by doing what still comes naturally for us.

Xune

I don't go out if I don't feel particularly strong.

I've been out a few times over the last number of months and was surrounded by people drinking.

1) I don't drink alcohol.

2) I drink pop, soda water or coffee.

If I feel that it's a bad idea to go out, I won't go out. I've turned down more invitations than accepted. For example, meeting for drinks after work...I've turned down every invitation, but may soon go in the future.

...but only if I feel confident and strong in my sobriety.

YEM

I did not go out at all in the early days. Once I was comfortable going out I went with others in recovery and that made it easier. Now that I have a good foundation, I can go with "normal" folks and not have a problem though I still need to be on my guard.

doggonecarl

I get concerned when I see an alcoholic use the designated driver option as a way to prevent drinking. You might be successful; you might be setting yourself up to being a "drunk driver."

I side with those saying don't go out. At least not until your have a stronger foundation of recovery under your feet.

escapist

I am at 5 weeks and I know the last place I need to be is in the company of people drinking and making it look like fun. For me it would be sucide.

Maylie

Does the whole family go for drinks? If not, I would opt to just stay in.

If you feel strongly about going out, I would def. not DD because then
you are stuck there even if you know that you need to run like hell
out of there in order to stay sober.

Also, be careful about offering to bring people drinks. I couldn't imagine
having my DOC in my hand and not just have a little. It could trigger
old habits of going to get the drink and preparing to drink it when you
know you can't drink it.

Could you say to your husband or someone "I am not going to drink tonight,
if you see me about to drink please snap me back to reality" Or someone that
if you are getting uncomfortable or someone that knows you well and can
tell when you are getting anxiety that will say "common lets head out of here?"

hypochondriac

I vote for not going out too. Just say you don't feel like it. I did a few social things in early sobriety and it was not fun. They were work things and I thought I couldn't get out of it but in retrospect I should have just said no or pulled a sickie. It's just not worth the risk.

Dee74

If you don;t need to go and you feel unsure I think it's always best to err on the side of caution.

If you 'have' to go then this link might be helpful for ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nksgiving.html

D

soberbythesea

I wouldn't go.

I don't ever plan on being in that kind of environment again if I don't have to be. Thinking I could be the cool nondrinker who still goes to bars with the gang is exactly how I blew 8 months sober on my last attempt. Wiser now.

Junebugapril

Hi Living,
I am having trouble with that too, so I hope to see what answers people share with you. My friend wanted to take me out to dinner to thank me for taking care of her cats for a few weeks. I had to tell her I just can't handle it. If I go out to a nice restaurant, I will want to drink. I had to tell her I was quitting drinking, too, which was hard, but she understood. I asked her to put it off until at least January.

Good luck!
JunebugApril

soberbythesea

It is good to know your limits.

I am ok at this point with going out to dinner. I even went to a bar to see my friend's band play a few weeks ago, and I felt okay with that because I was concentrating on watching him and listening to the music, not just standing around watching a bunch of people drink. I only stayed for the show, then I left.

My cutoff right now is, I won't go to any event if drinking is the primary or only activity. i figure, if drinking is the only/main thing anyone is planning on doing, then why would I go along? I don't drink.