Adiratus

Hi

I am student at University and futures trader(COMEX on NYMEX). I realized that i want to be completely sober and mentally stable individual and i do not want to be controlled by any dopaminergic substances or drugs in general. Right now i walk through recovery because i abused Cannabis from June to November, also smoking cigarettes from June to November and i used to drink 1,2 or 3 beers/day from June. Currently i am 8 days clean from any Alcoholic beverage and from Mariujana. I do not drink Coffee because Coffee makes me extremely nauseous and i also feel high level of anxiety from just 1 Coffee.I still smoke tobacco but just until Wednesday which i setup as the last days of smoking and i want to sell the rest of my tobacco(i have still around 800 grams)

I would like to add that i was able to stop smoking Cannabis for half a year in the past but from June it started to go downhill again...I was also able to stop smoking tobacco/cigs for one year but as soon as i started to smoke cannabis again i fell into this nasty habit and i am quite sad from it. Because i relapsed...

Anyway i decided to stop using any addictive substances once and for all and i will do anything to get clean. Right now i am going through withdrawal period. I do not know whether i was heavy smoker from June but i was able to smoke 2 grams of solid Sativa in 5/6 days. Nevertheless, it was enough to change something in my brain because i experience dramatic changes.

Now i would like to describe my withdrawal symptoms and then i will proceed to write about what i am doing practically to overcome withdrawal/fight with unpleasant feelings.

As far as i know, every day is different but definetely i feel anxious. Mornings are the worst. Practically every day i am on rollercoaster - mood swings, one hour i am calm, next hour i am tired, next hour i am irritable, my mind races, i analyze everything, i have problems to concentrate on my school tasks. I feel very unpleasant physical symptoms as well - upset stomach, either i feel i cannot eat anything or when i finally eat i almost vomit...My stomach is very tight(anxiety) and sometimes i feel such tremendous anxiety that nothing helps - nor deep breathing. I also feel headaches, pressure in the head and i noticed that from my ears go away huge amounts of grease. I have sleep disturbances - every night i wake up 2 or three times and i cannot fall asleep until i masturbate which provides me calming effect - i think its because of endorphins release.

Overally its pretty bad because i feel like i did not sleep properly for more than week which is certainly very bad. Sometimes i just feel sense of impending doom or unrecognizable threat or i have bad feelings and thoughts about the future. I had also suicidal thoughts which i tried to stop in my mind immediately.

What i do for my recovery :

I try to eat quality food, think positively, think about the goal when i will be sober, more healthy, focused and more mentally stable. I try to have at least 3 meals per day in spite of the fact that my stomach is protesting on almost everything. For example, 2 hours ago i drank half a liter of fresh grapefruit juice which i squeezed. I try to drink a lot but i feel like i cannot drink i dont know why its just difficult to drink water. I do not drink any caffeine products/energy drinks. I bought many herbal teas and i try to drink them in variations. Currently i drink at least 3 cups(250 ml) of tea per day and these are : Ginkgo Biloba, Schisandra Chinensis, Gotu Kola, Jiaongula, Rooibos, Valeriana offlcinalis. The teas help to ease the symptoms. I also use every day at least 3/4 tablets of Lecithin(1325mg), 3-5 tablets of Omega fat acids(1000 mg), 3-6 tablets of Piracetam(800 mg), 1-2 tablets of Magnesium with vitamins B 1, B 5, B 6, B 9(400mg) and 1 tablet of complex multimineral and multivitamin(1000 mg). I also listen to binaural beat music and i meditate for half hour before sleep 4-5 times/week(Kundalini Meditation) I also exercise 3-4 times per week - i do push ups, go for walks and i squeeze gum circle in my hands.

Now i have questions and i am interested in your honest opinion :

1. Is my withdrawal just because of ceasing of using Cannabis or also is it accompanied by the fact that i used to drink 1/2/3 beers 4-5 days per week ?

2. What do you think about my recovery action plan as i described it above ? My action plan is based on research which i did over the internet and it is also based on my previous experiences when i went through withdrawal

3. Do you think that i should stop meeting any people who smoke either cannabis or tobacco or drink alcohol ? I see the great danger in the fact that many of my friends use illicit substances and also smoke tobacco and drink alcohol. Thats why i relapsed in case of smoking tobacco/Cannabis because after half a year i was out in the city and friend offered me joint. And always when we met again, he offered me the joint(which contains also tobacco). After 5 meetings and 5 joints i asked for the cigarette(relapse)

4. My theory is that i MUST stop ANY addictive substances once and for all though either glass of bear or 1 cigarette raise levels of dopamine in the brain and disrupts critical thinking and thus weakens judgement which directly raises probability of risc-seeking behaviour and using drugs is risc seeking behaviour by itself. And i wanted to do ANYTHING to be sober. Do you agree with me that i should completely abstain from everything ?

5. I would like to hear any tips and words of encouragement how to stay on my path and avoid relapse once and for all because i cannot live with myself anymore like this. When i look at the mirror i was sad from myself that i need to use drugs.

My great inspiration is Mr. John D. Rockefeller who did not use any drugs in his life and became the wealthiest man in human history and lived up to age 98 which is absolutely breathtaking. He NEVER drank alcohol or smoke cigs or used any illicit substance. And i am also into business(futures trading) and i want to accomplish the great things in life and be really wealthy, mentally stable, confident man. I am totally dedicated to my business and i saw clearly how using drugs impairs my judgment and critical thinking and disrupts emotional stability which i cannot stress enough how it is important in the business like futures trading is. 10-20% of sucess is proper analysis but 80-90% of sucess comes from emotional stability and willingnes to avoid emotional urges and sticking to the trading plan. I also want to finish my university educational program in the summer of 2013 and then move to the Australia. I just want to feel myself again and enjoy every moment of life without using drugs. I want to be naturally happy again and achieve as many things as possible.

Thank you all very much for your time and i thank you in advance for the words of encouragement and practical tips/guide.

Matthew(23 years old)

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Matthew

I'm all for becoming a sober and mentally stable individual That's a very specific plan. Good for you. Personally I would worry less about meeting people who use/drink and more about making an effort to make new sober friends. Unfortunately there will always be people about us drinking, and it is certainly useful to avoid them in the early days of sobriety, but I think creating a network of sober friends is really useful. Maybe through AA or just other sober activities.

Glad you're here x

Anna

Hi Michael,

Welcome!

I think it's great to have a plan. I do believe that it's important for me to not use any kind of drugs or alcohol. I think anything like that can be the beginning of a slippery slope.

I wonder if you've talked to your dr about your stomach issues? It could be a good idea to do that.

Dee74

Hi

You certainly seem to have put a lot of thought into what you're doing, Mathhew.

None of us are Drs though - a lot of us suffer anxiety in early recovery but to get a real diagnosis you really need to see a professional I think....like Anna I think the same applies with your stomach issues.

As far as your action plan goes, I found needed a lot more than vitamins, binuarual beats and exercise myself - but I recognize everyones different

I needed to make major changes in my life as well - my old life revolved around alcohol and weed. Your situation may be different tho

I hope it works for you...if by any chance it doesn't pan out you'll find a lot of advice and ideas here

I think a lot of us sometime go to extremes in early recovery...I actually made myself sick by dosing myself up with vitamins herbs and supplements and suddenly and totally cutting out sugar.

Again I think some professional guidance may be useful for some of us...and balance is important.

These days I steer for the middle way - a piece of candy may not be healthy but it's not going to kill me either, y'know?

I look forward to seeing you around some more

D

Impurrfect

((Matthew)) - Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Windancer

First, welcome to SR. It has been great for me. Second, WOW, for a newcomer it seems you have put a LOT of thought, energy and research and already made yourself what sounds like a fantastic plan. If I wasnt so tired I would honesty try and give you some more of my experience, but for now all i can say is good job and good luck! You seem quite determined.

nogard

Hi Matthew, I am at work and didnt have time to read all of your post but I got the drift and welcome to SR. I love your commitment, Doc sounds like a great idea and look forward to seeing you around here.

Arrdubya

Matt
I smoked 1 to 2 grams of the highest quality every day, plus 1 to 12 beers. I did this pretty much the same for 30 years. I'm 45 now. Today I am clean an sober 7 days. My symptoms are/were exactly the same. The first four days really suck, then a little better every day. My wife really frowned on the masterbation. Just kidding. I've not been at this long enough to give advice, other than do it NOW, not thirty years from now. Good luck.

Adiratus

My reply is to all :

Thank you all for your support i looooved your quotations... I really appreciate your time and it surely helps me a lot during recovery. My stomach is today much much better today and so far everything goes perfectly, according to my action plan.

As i wrote in my initial post, tommorow(Wednesday) is the last day for me as a smoker of tobacco so Thursday will be the first day of abstinence. I chose Wednesday as a symbolic though Wednesday is the middle day of the week so it symbolizes my past days as a smoker and following days as my new future as teetotaler and total abstinent from Cannabis and Tobacco.

For me its the total dedication upon the subject and i respect opinion of other people who say that balance is important, however, for me i am deeply convinced that the best way for me its the total abstinence so i can go through total recovery and be myself again. I know myself and i know my brain and i know that 1 beer or 1 cig or 1 joint will only start sneaky thoughts about using again, justifying it but in the end - its the road to nowhere.

So nobody can persuade me about using drugs in moderation - for me it just dont work, i have lied to myself for long time and ultimately i realized that i have no control about my drug usage.

I do not want anymore any false promises, any sneaky thoughts, any justificaiton, any moderation. For me - it is finished. I relapsed in the past yeah but its still the past and i look to the new, bright future. I was able to identify why i relapsed and when i wrote that i would do anything to be sober, i meant it.

Thats why i am focusing on finding new contacts, sober contacts and to my happiness i was able to found one and i am lucky that i know 2 other people. I realized that i need to be radical to really stay on my path. And i repeat it to myself every day.

Nothing can influence me, i am my own master.

With regards to seeing a doctor, it is certainly wise idea and i will do so, if my symptoms of anxiety and upset stomach will persist and not cease out.

Today was the first day when i saw that my stomach is in much better shape. Anxiety still persists but better than yesterday.

With regards to supplements, i only found that they help me to cease symptoms and e.g. Piracetam is by itself a great, great thing to help with concentration and focus. To those who do not know what it is, it is Nootropic invented in 1970s which is totally nontoxic, non-dopaminergic and has a wide range of positive benefits. I think it will also help me with nicotine withdrawal because when i started to use it, i smoked less rolled tobacco cigarettes and i was rather willing to use time for studying. I read wide range of literature, clinical studies and other articles.

Though i am trader i read on daily basis financial reports and other articles with regard to financials. So i try to keep myself busy and concentrate on my goals. I think that using of my time rationally helps me a lot.

I try to focus not on a lenght of my soberness but rather on the benefits which i have every day from not using drugs. I think time certainly is relevant but it can be also tricky in the way that i can fool myself that if i was able to stay clean e.g. for 3 months, i can use this, or this or this...

No, it doesnt work that way for me anymore thuse i am rather focused on the current day and tasks which i need to solve, i try to live in a current moment.

I am determined and thus i am radical because i must be. I know my past and know how i fooled myself in the past. I cannot allow foolishness take over myself again.

Maybe that why i have no cravings at all - and i meany NO cravings on alcohol or cannabis. I know its not good for me and its completely "false good", its unnatural feeling, unnatural high which brain tries to solve from evolutionary standpoint by reducing the amount of receptors in the brain, where active substance is binding.

I know now that i will meet tens or hundreds of people who will consider myself as a "*****" but for me its radical and definite.

Thank you again all and i wish you all the best in life ! If anyone has any practical tips and guide, lest share it, i am open for discussion.

Windancer

And likewise, if you have any questions, ask and you will receive answers

Adiratus

Hello

So today is my second day without smoking tobacco and the 12th day without any alcoholic beverage and Cannabis.

Yesterday i had problem to fall asleep and i finally was able to fall asleep after 1 hour. Surprisingly, i slept for 10 hours and i woke up only for 1 time which is huge improvement in comparison with previous days.

My stomach is almost in the normal shape and anxiety is also massively reduced in comparison with the previous week and the beginning of this current week.

As i wrote above, i try to fill the gaps of my previous drug usage by reading, studying, trading, exercising.

I start to see the benefits of stopping as well. I am certainly more focused and i just see the things as they are without any "protective" bubble which provides drug usage. I tell myself everyday that it is finished and i focus on benefits of each and every day withOUT drug usage. Time has a less significance, i believe.

So far my action plan goes pretty well though i designed it for the needs of overcoming nicotine withdrawal,too. To my surprise, i feel no cravings at all. I think its because of my strong determination.

I have no additional questions now because everything goes amazingly well.

I just wanted to update my situation.

Thanks for reading !

Adiratus

Hi

I did not write any entry because i wanted to wait for the test of time and rather share the results when i have overcame larger timeframe of sobriety.

Firstly, i am still sober, i have been able to stay completely clean from any alcoholic beverage, smoking cannabis in any form and smoking tobacco in any form for more than 30 days. 45 days without alcohol and cannabis exactly and 33 days without tobacco exactly.

Secondly, i think my action plan was and is designed well. With combination of my will i have some tangible results by now. I also think that very important was the fact that i simply avoided any contacts about whom i know they are on something addictive which could be potentialy riscy for me and i wanted to eliminate the risc associated with. I was in contact ONLY with sober contacts. Actually, i would lie if i said that it does not bother me at all. Actually it bothers me but i am aware of the fact that it is a charge for sobriety. Everything has +/- and i chose rather have this minus than stay on my former path.And that is certainly huge positive.

Thirdly, i feel i do much much better at this time. Passive anxiety completely faded, alongside with nausea and sleep disturbances. I can sleep in 8-9 hours straight which is great. I feel that i have sharper mind,thoughts and ideas flow somehow spontaneously and i am more prone for intellectual work like reading or writing or focusing on my biz.I read a LOT. Often i read things on the internet or things for my school or biz related things around 4-5 hours straight. So i see that perception of time is reversed to normal by now in a means that when i was high everything seemed to be so interesting that time just flowed and when without it, time went very slow. Now i feel it is back to normal.However, in the night i am simply more active and focused than during daylight - any explanation for this ? Can it be connected with the fact that during the night brain produces Melatonine and during daylight production of Melatonine is suppressed ?

Fourthly, i have question whether you know something or read some clinical study about usage of piracetam. I read and heard many contradicting information, some say that they use it whole year without pause, some say it is best use 2 months and than at least monthly pause is required and so on. From the factual point of view, there is nothing mentioned in the scientific literature/studies that Piracetam could have any negative long term consequences. I use it with conjuction of Lecithin, Omega 3 fat acids, Minerals and Vitamins as combo for multiplication/synergy effect according to my compley action plan. Any ideas/links ?

Fifthly, I read on some forums where some people claimed that when they achieved 3 months sobriety from alcohol that their brain was much faster from cognitive point of view. Have you some knowledge about this issue or is it rather individual thing ? I am interested in some clinical studies/reports if you read something tangible/factual about the issue.

Concluded, i am very glad that i am sober. It is very different state of mind and i start to enjoy that stability that i have no ups and downs and so on. It is harder from relationship side because i simply avoid some people but it is for the good, not for the bad.Additionaly, i think i am still far below my "peak cognitive&mental stability performance" so i pretty look forward for the next months to come how the things will manifest. I look forward on the first year of total sobriety and how i will feel and think. Thats certatinly a lot to look forward to !

Thanks for reading and pleas, feel free to answer my questions, i would be very deligted, indeed.

Dee74

Congratulations on your progress

Most of the things you mention I simply have no knowledge of, or experience with, I'm afraid...except to say that while I definitely felt better at 3 months my cognitive recovery took much longer - no doubt this was due to the fact I'd been drinking and drugging for many years and I'd had several mini strokes into the bargain.

I do consider I have all my cognitive faculties back tho - it just took a little time for me...it was improving all the time but I reckon it took about 2 years for me to feel like I was back to full brain strength.

Your journey is likely to be very much shorter, of course...but it still takes what it takes I think

D

Adiratus

Nevermind Dee, maybe others will know something...

Thank you for the words of encouragement !