onedaysoon

I have been with my husband 10 years, married for nearly 5, we moved area just before we got married & bought a house and thats when he became an alcoholic. At first I didn't realise he was drunk, I never saw him drink or found the bottles back then, he always said he was tired, until one day i realised he was slurring, since then its been the usual rollercoaster ride, i went on the usual journey of trying to help, beg, manipulate, threaten, cry, plead, with the usual outcome of making no difference. I have read all the books on codependency and realise i can do nothing. Things got so bad in June I had to call the police (he has never hit me just breaks things in the house, intimidates me). He moved in with his Dad and was meant to be trying to get better (on his own which i know would never work) but was just glad i had chance to recover myself. My problem is he is meant to be moving back soon, he is a functioning alcoholic, hes always held down a job, paid half the mortgage and the bills. If i move out and leave we will lose the house, we are in negative equity, so can anyone tell me, is there anyone out there that has made it work when leaving with a functioning alcoholic?

February

My AH is now dry (has been for 9 months). I did leave in 2009 and spent 2 and a half years on my own. He quit paying the house note when I left, and house was foreclosed on. And you know what? The sun still came up and my kids and I still had a roof over our heads and food to eat. If you need to leave, leave. I would definitely do some soul searching about where you want your boundaries to be and what you will put up with. If you let him move back in with no boundaries for yourself you will endanger your recovery you've been working on.

I would do what is best for YOU and put the house down the priority list (after your safety and well-being). Let AH take care of himself.

Titanic

I would suggest you go to Al-Anon meetings right away, at least six, and try different groups.

marie1960

Gosh so very sorry ,onedaysoon.

Here's a suggestion, perhaps you could consult with an attorney in your area, find out your legal rights and obligations, and go from there.

i really do not see the benefit of him returning to the maritial home as nothing has changed. You will be right back on the "crazytrain".......

IMHO, I would rather lose my house than my sanity, I do know that staying with an active alkie can create tremendous financial hardship.( It's only a matter of time before "nonfunctioning alkie" shows itself.) Not to mention, the very dark hole this disease leaves us feeling like we are living in.