Junebugapril

I hope you join me on this exciting and terrifying new path. We can stop drinking. Together.

Last week I was not sure if I was an alcoholic or not. I mean, only drink a bottle of wine a night. Surely that does not qualify me to be a common drunk, does it?

Guess what. I realized that it doesn't matter what the label is. It doesn't matter if I am an alcoholic or not. And I did finally realize that I do have a serious drinking problem.

If I am going to stay alive and have a healthy life, I have to stop drinking. This is the first time I have tried to stop, and I really hope it will be my last time. But I won't beat myself up if I slip.

If I do slip and if I do beat myself up about it, I will stop trying to quit. I will say "you failed". I will say "you might as well drink because you failed, so you can go back to drinking now." So I will allow myself to fail, I will allow myself to slip and start right back up again on the path to being sober.

My story:
When I was a teenager, I got hepatitis. From fooling around with needles with my boyfriend. Once I got pregnant with my first child, I stopped using drugs. I am now in my fifth decade of life. I never drank much.Ten years ago, I found out it was hepatitis C that I have. It will always be in my blood. But I have not gotten sick again, because I did not drink much and I did not use drugs.

Six years ago I hurt my back. I could not work without pain. I went on disability. I discovered that drinking would ease the pain. I gradually built up to a whole bottle of wine a night, alone, at home. Sometimes more than a bottle. I started drinking earlier in the day, sometimes around three in the afternoon, sometimes earlier.

My doctor said I was crazy to drink. He had me go to a liver specialist. I got a biopsy that said there is no liver damage. Yet. That was five years ago, and I am scared, but I will get another biopsy soon. The liver specialist said I could have two drinks a day. At that point I was drinking a half a bottle of wine a day, so I thought it was okay.

What triggered me to stop drinking? Not my daughter hounding me. Not my sister hounding me. It was an old movie I saw called Dinner at Eight. I saw myself in one of the characters. He was a has been movie star that drank heavily and killed himself. I realized that I could be that person if I continue drinking.

I do not have the shakes if I don't drink. But I do wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth and my heart pounding after I pass out on the couch from drinking. I have to drink glasses and glasses of water or more wine.

So am I an alcoholic? It does not matter what I am. I have a drinking problem. And I want to do something about it.

I hope you join me here, and share your stories. We can do this.
Junebugapril

Windancer

You CAN stop drinking. Anyone can. It takes a lot of effort and determination, and everyone finds their own path that works for them, but I KNOW it is possible. No doubt

dogmamma

You can do it! If I can, you can. We have your back. Keep reading and posting. It has helped me so much.

Windancer

Yes, I am an alcoholic. i dont get too hung up on labels though. I try and focus on the positive, while still being realistic and truthful. I am an alcoholic, but I am many other wonderful things too

amy55

Welcome Junebug, I am on day 5, I would love to go thru this path of sobriety with you

IndaMiricale

I will join with you on that road each day. For my sponsor said something when I first met him that I love. The person with the longest amount of sobriety is only the person who woke up the earliest today..

Thank you for your post. And to answer you titles question...

I know you can quit drinking.One day at a time.

Junebugapril

I just love this. It is perfect. Thank you all for joining me on this journey. I think that together, we can support each other. We can do this. Please feel free to share your stories here.

Junebugapril

I started reading the Big Book. I guess I may not be a real alcoholic, according to Chapter 2. It makes me feel a little inferior, as if I don't really have a problem. But I know I do, and just because I have not hit bottom and lost everything, does not mean I can't stop drinking.

I am seeing a liver specialist tomorrow. The last time I had a biopsy, I was not drinking much. I am afraid, and hoping to not find out that in the few years I have been drinking heavily I have damaged my liver.

Grace2

Hi June

Big welcome to S.R.

Of course you can stop drinking, if I can you can, you can do anything if you really want to! Be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, read and post here as much as you can, join the 'Class of November' and the '30 days and under' groups if you haven't already, you will find people there at the same stage as you, you'll get loads of support and make some lovely friends.
We are all here walking this path together and together we can do it!

IndaMiracle I love that saying your sponsor told you, brillaint.
*****

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests; hurry and indecision.

IndaMiricale

I read this fairly often to remember where I was 2 years ago. I have had a handful of slips over those two years. But I can say I have more sober time then I ever thought was possible for this alcoholic and addict. Today life is soooooo much better.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ty-1-time.html

Junebugapril

Inda, thank you. I appreciate you sharing your thread with me. I just joined it and will read it. Two years. Wow! I am so happy for you.

Junebugapril

The spirituality thing and asking people for forgiveness is really scary. That is partly why I am afraid to go to a meeting. Also, this is digging up so many awful memories of life with my ex, when I had to go to Al-Anon for my sanity back in the 90s.

Today I am battling anger. I have no good reason to angry. Why am I resentful of what I am doing to take care of my sweet 92 year old neighbor? Does he not deserve my undivided attention? He is in the hospital. Last week he fell. I am also sad that pretty soon he won't be around, and the oldest person in my life that I love dearly will be gone.

OldGoth

Hello,

Before I post my "I'm a Newbie here, Hi" kind of thread, I just wanted to say thanks JuneBugApril for your thread here, as after reading it, I made my mind up to join the forum/site! :-)

So a big thanks from me, and hopefully chat to you more soon...
Goth.x

Junebugapril

Wow! I actually helped somebody? Thank you Goth!! Hope to see you soon. I just joined a couple of days ago. It has been really helpful so far. Two really good resources I just got are:

The Big Book Online:
Big Book On Line
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

A Documentary called Rain in My Heart that opened my eyes: Rain In My Heart (1 of 10) - YouTube

OldGoth

you sure did

thanks for the links, I'm doing a lot of reading tonight, and drinking... tea!
Speak soon

Junebugapril

Yay! I feel so happy I could help someone
If you find anything I should read please let me know too
June

DarkDays

Exciting , different but not terrifying

Enjoy the journey and good luck.

FitNonDrinker

Thank you for posting the book website. And JuneBug you seem as precious as your name!

Dee74

good to have you with us June - you too OldGoth

D

phoebe64

You can do it June! I feel like old friends already, so I want you to stick around here for a long time.

But more importantly, do it for your own happiness and health.