Bubba's creativity update (warning:kinda long)
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Bubba's creativity update (warning:kinda long)
Well, I guess at some point in these couple thousand posts I wrote something about my creativity dwindling away. I've gotten a couple PMs about it, so I guess it's searchable.
Here is the post 2-year update, for those who are interested.
Backstory: Took me over a year of actually trying (as opposed to not caring if I died young & drunk) to stay sober. During this time, one of my main "complaints" about sobriety was that I was unable to function in a creative mode. I was having trouble even remembering basic stuff (like get-up, brush-teeth, take-shower) and was dang near worthless when it came to writing papers and such. See, PAWS. I had it bad.
At the time, I was a college senior, and writing ability was of great concern to me. I researched other "creative types" who got sober, largely musicians since they were the easiest to find, and was mildly reassured by their claims that the first 6 months they could not write, but afterwards, they got better. However, in true sobriety fashion, they made great claims about the sober part, such as "I am more creative than I ever was! It has never been so great and so easy and so profitable and so--!!!!"
The exclamation marks sober people like to use made me suspicious, because there was--of course--no way I would ever be that happy, or use that many punctuation marks at once.
However, a little over two years ago I got sober and actually stayed that way since. By this point, I was working a labor job, and creativity was somewhat frowned upon by management, so I did not notice or care about my creative ability. Box is here, box goes there, put box there, repeat.
Then I became unemployed and all future and present related things seemed up in the air. I thought my life was over, because I can be very dramatic (possible alcoholic here y'all). It was never going to get better, etc.
Sneakily, a truly odd thing happened. I was bored all day, and started poking around on the internet. I rediscovered things I had not done in years, followed all my old (pre-college) bookmarks, and something sparked in me. Before I realized it, I was making silly .gifs (I needed laughter in my gloomy time) and that progressed to full-on random web development and contributions to various OSS projects.
Keep in mind, I had given up computers about 2005 in favor of attempting to force "having a life" (I was not a bar drinker...). I had been involved in early VOIP stuff (think Skype etc) and my best friend/ collaborator (he was the VOIP guy, I was just sysadmin) committed suicide, leaving me feeling very much alone. I shunned all "techy" stuff on the computer, and reverted to "basic user," while trying to find some IRL hobby that would get me what I thought I wanted: a life rich in friends & going out & so on. The life I thought I was supposed to have, the hobbies and interests I thought I was supposed to have. Not nerdy stuff, lol.
Needless to say, that didn't happen, since I actually am more interested in making the CSS look right than the latest goings-on of the Kardashians. However, after I realized that I did not actually want that life, it opened the floodgates of years of pent-up creativity. I had been restricting myself all along, with imaginary desires and using alcohol to hide the truth from myself. It's easy to lie to yourself when you are floating through life.
Now, this increase in creativity did not help get me a job (need a car around here for most every job, and alcohol cost me my license). However, it did improve my attitude and outlook on life. All day, apply for jobs. After five, balance out the frustration by improving code/ photoshopping pictures for my friends/ whatever came to mind. Even when I did get work here and there, it was so routine, I would be editing code in my head while putting stickers on boxes. It truly makes me happy, which is what was missing from my life all along.
I do not know the timeline on my creativity returning stronger than ever, because honestly I did not even notice it happening. I was only reminded of my prior fears via PM about a month ago when I came back to SR. Upon reflection, I can honestly say my worries were unfounded.
And now I find myself using even more punctuation marks than ever.
-TB, being socially responsible to the SR community
ps. Thank you, members who asked me about this in PM. I won't post your names, since I regrettably have not met y'all yet, but I hope y'all see this & know that you helped me... I can only hope I help y'all back.
Here is the post 2-year update, for those who are interested.
Backstory: Took me over a year of actually trying (as opposed to not caring if I died young & drunk) to stay sober. During this time, one of my main "complaints" about sobriety was that I was unable to function in a creative mode. I was having trouble even remembering basic stuff (like get-up, brush-teeth, take-shower) and was dang near worthless when it came to writing papers and such. See, PAWS. I had it bad.
At the time, I was a college senior, and writing ability was of great concern to me. I researched other "creative types" who got sober, largely musicians since they were the easiest to find, and was mildly reassured by their claims that the first 6 months they could not write, but afterwards, they got better. However, in true sobriety fashion, they made great claims about the sober part, such as "I am more creative than I ever was! It has never been so great and so easy and so profitable and so--!!!!"
The exclamation marks sober people like to use made me suspicious, because there was--of course--no way I would ever be that happy, or use that many punctuation marks at once.
However, a little over two years ago I got sober and actually stayed that way since. By this point, I was working a labor job, and creativity was somewhat frowned upon by management, so I did not notice or care about my creative ability. Box is here, box goes there, put box there, repeat.
Then I became unemployed and all future and present related things seemed up in the air. I thought my life was over, because I can be very dramatic (possible alcoholic here y'all). It was never going to get better, etc.
Sneakily, a truly odd thing happened. I was bored all day, and started poking around on the internet. I rediscovered things I had not done in years, followed all my old (pre-college) bookmarks, and something sparked in me. Before I realized it, I was making silly .gifs (I needed laughter in my gloomy time) and that progressed to full-on random web development and contributions to various OSS projects.
Keep in mind, I had given up computers about 2005 in favor of attempting to force "having a life" (I was not a bar drinker...). I had been involved in early VOIP stuff (think Skype etc) and my best friend/ collaborator (he was the VOIP guy, I was just sysadmin) committed suicide, leaving me feeling very much alone. I shunned all "techy" stuff on the computer, and reverted to "basic user," while trying to find some IRL hobby that would get me what I thought I wanted: a life rich in friends & going out & so on. The life I thought I was supposed to have, the hobbies and interests I thought I was supposed to have. Not nerdy stuff, lol.
Needless to say, that didn't happen, since I actually am more interested in making the CSS look right than the latest goings-on of the Kardashians. However, after I realized that I did not actually want that life, it opened the floodgates of years of pent-up creativity. I had been restricting myself all along, with imaginary desires and using alcohol to hide the truth from myself. It's easy to lie to yourself when you are floating through life.
Now, this increase in creativity did not help get me a job (need a car around here for most every job, and alcohol cost me my license). However, it did improve my attitude and outlook on life. All day, apply for jobs. After five, balance out the frustration by improving code/ photoshopping pictures for my friends/ whatever came to mind. Even when I did get work here and there, it was so routine, I would be editing code in my head while putting stickers on boxes. It truly makes me happy, which is what was missing from my life all along.
I do not know the timeline on my creativity returning stronger than ever, because honestly I did not even notice it happening. I was only reminded of my prior fears via PM about a month ago when I came back to SR. Upon reflection, I can honestly say my worries were unfounded.
And now I find myself using even more punctuation marks than ever.
-TB, being socially responsible to the SR community
ps. Thank you, members who asked me about this in PM. I won't post your names, since I regrettably have not met y'all yet, but I hope y'all see this & know that you helped me... I can only hope I help y'all back.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Dee... 55,000 posts and you have not yet memorized all the smiley codes? Heck, I still remembered 
from back when, and this is the only vBulletin board I frequent. 
... or 
?
Fandy... how have you been?
Man I missed all you all. I am not gonna wander off again, I promise.
-TB, back home
and I got a signature now to make it official (cause 2,000 posts doesn't :/ )
from back when, and this is the only vBulletin board I frequent. 
... or ?Fandy... how have you been?
Man I missed all you all. I am not gonna wander off again, I promise.
-TB, back home
and I got a signature now to make it official (cause 2,000 posts doesn't :/ )
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Oh!!!!!! It is so good to read your 'update'. Wow!!! You have come so far in
your sobriety!
You just made my heart smile!
Hope you stay around now, as I know I sure enjoy your posts and I do believe that
others do also!
Yep, I still use the exclamation marks!!!!! Lots of them when appropriate! And I
have been in sobriety a long time now, and I love it more every day!!!
It is just wonderful to hear from you!
Love and hugs,
your sobriety!
You just made my heart smile!
Hope you stay around now, as I know I sure enjoy your posts and I do believe that
others do also!
Yep, I still use the exclamation marks!!!!! Lots of them when appropriate! And I
have been in sobriety a long time now, and I love it more every day!!!
It is just wonderful to hear from you!
Love and hugs,
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
:You_ Rock_ <with no space
Hi Mega, yeah just slumbering... add-on chat wasn't working in Linux forever (Java problems all year) and I just never came in here. But am back
Laurie <3 lol @ the !!!!!s. Glad I made you smile. Thank you for all your patience back in the day... and that goes for the rest of y'all too
Hi Mega, yeah just slumbering... add-on chat wasn't working in Linux forever (Java problems all year) and I just never came in here. But am back
Laurie <3 lol @ the !!!!!s. Glad I made you smile. Thank you for all your patience back in the day... and that goes for the rest of y'all too
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Way to go Bubba very happy for you.
I had not written anything for 18 years and 6 months ago tried without much success then found a book called The Artists Way by Julia Cameron and I write something almost every day now.
very happy for you.I had not written anything for 18 years and 6 months ago tried without much success then found a book called The Artists Way by Julia Cameron and I write something almost every day now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by thirtybubba
The exclamation marks sober people like to use made me suspicious, because there was--of course--no way I would ever be that happy, or use that many punctuation marks at once.
Nice to hear about someone doing so well x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 29
Reading this post gives me hope! In my drunk days I had convinced myself that I wasn't even worthy of creativity. But the thought of being able to express myself in that manner again makes me feel grateful for being sober today. Thanks for writing that post.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Originally Posted by hypochondriac 
Nice to hear about someone doing so well x
Originally Posted by SkylerTime
Reading this post gives me hope! In my drunk days I had convinced myself that I wasn't even worthy of creativity. But the thought of being able to express myself in that manner again makes me feel grateful for being sober today. Thanks for writing that post.
You are worthy of creativity. And there is hope.
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