773niki

Hi all, quick question: I'm fairly new to sobriety again, but this time it's different. i have willingness and the desire to beat this alcohol addiction for me - not anyone else. I'm optimistic, but of course, those I've lied to over the years and have seen me relapse time and time again aren't so trustworthy, if you know what I mean.

Does anyone have any advice when it comes to dealing with family/friends who just don't believe you? It's my birthday tomorrow and my mom is having a dinner for me today. My sister will not talk to me, nor will my stepdad or brother in law, but they will all be there. I know I can't keep beating a dead horse with them, but I'm unsure how to approach them this time. I've already reached out to no avail - I guess time will tell but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? How do I even talk to them today? I can't keep defending myself but I don't know what to do!

Xune

You cannot control how others think, feel or act. The only person you can control is you, except when drinking alcohol.

So choose not to drink.

Make good choices for you, which ends up impacting everyone eventually.

sugarbear1

Your actions will show them, in time.

You can do this!

Sapling

That's the word...Action.

Caldus

Hey 773niki,

I'm also in the Chicago area. There are tons of AA meetings here. You should definitely go check out one. I think that in time, if you stay sober and work a recovery program, your family will come back to you. Let me know if you need help finding a decent meeting around here.

onlythetruth

Those nay sayers have no way of knowing that it's different this time. All the other times, you lied, so it is perfectly understandable that they would think you're lying this time too.

The only solution is to prove yourself. They will know it is different this time when they see the proof with their own eyes.

SMART Recovery has a wonderful and very active presence in Chicago. I suggest you check out a few meetings there!

SomethingBetter

Hi 773niki,

I had the same problem, I had quit so many times that even I myself wasn’t sure I’d ever quit for good. I think it is common for those who relapse with good intentions of quitting to have others stop believing them; ‘the sheep that cried wolf’ comes to mind.

I’ve been quit now for 20 months, the trust does come back, but I had to earn it.

When I said I was quitting all those times, I wasn’t lying at the time, although from out of the box no one can tell the difference, especially when I was drinking again that same night or the next day, week etc…

When you’re well into sobriety, they won’t be giving you any awards either, so do this for you, it’s worth it.

IndaMiricale

Like it was said. This is simply all to do with action not words..

Dont even tell them , Show them.

And happy birthday.

stairs

Don't bring it up. Talk about something else. Happy Birthday!

tinkanman

sobriety is a selfish thing. it has everything to do with you. its your birthday, and today it really is "all about you". go be your sober self. you dont have to tell them anything. if you stay clean over time they will "hear" you loud and clear. but these things do take time and work. good luck.

soberlicious

Time. Time has to pass. It was per individual as to how much time they needed to trust me again. I respected that. It was the least I could do after all.