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college drinking

Old 11-17-2012, 08:25 PM
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Unhappy college drinking

My roommate just went out, I asked if I could join and she says:

"Well... it might be... awkward... since you don't drink. You know, they're typical college girls, we're just going to get drunk and go hit on boys at a bar."

Basically, me being sober will be weird for them since I'll be that nagging reminder that they're probably not doing a good thing for themselves.

That was my life for the last three years... it's hard when you live with someone still in it. On my birthday, we were getting ready to go downtown and three of my friends were over, drinking and smoking weed... and then I was there, sober, feeling like... damn. You couldn't even stay sober for MY birthday?????????

After a bunch of my really close friends went out to party... obviously I went home. It was hard remembering how for me, the night didn't really get interesting until I started drinking. I would not have been ok with just hanging out with some friends and going home sober.

IDK. Just feeling weird. Annoyed that because I'm sober, I'm now an annoying liability to my friends and not someone they can have fun with. Annoyed that I am having the foresight to quit before I have to, because the alcoholic in me doesn't give a **** if I ruin my whole life, it just wants to keep drinking. Thankfully, I'm smarter...
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:30 PM
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This must be really hard ;-(
But the lifestyle change is important. I'm 38 don't go back to drinking to waste 20 years of your life bud. I'm sure that if start doing sports or something different you will be exposed to a diff crowd
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:42 PM
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I remember when I used to be that way..
Nothing could stop me from going out and getting trashed, no matter what.
I had a friend who quit drinking a few years ago, and I couldn't wrap my brain around it. Because I was still very much inside of my alcoholism..

This year, my birthday came a few days after my 6 month sobriety anniversary.
I went out to dinner with 18 people, and as my friend from AA pointed out, only 3 of us weren't drinking.
I guess I didn't notice.. But they did end up going out together after I went home.

Tonight, my friend said she didn't invite my AA friend to her party because there would be drinking there.. I told her that my friend would gladly make her own decision as to whether or not she felt comfortable..

I think you not drinking shines a light on how dumb people look when they are..
I know I used to be VERY concerned when people weren't drinking, or even as heavily as I was..

So I made sure to weed out all the people that couldn't "hang".
After a few years, I only associated with alcoholics.

Either way, your roommate sounds like a jerk.
Maybe it's time to find new friends?
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:42 PM
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college drinking

isinganyway, wow do i feel so much for you right now. i'm a mother of 7 kidz and my son is in college. He does not drink at all as he watched me as a horrible alcoholic. i am a greatful recovering addict/alcoholic now and blessed to have made amends with my children but its been a long road.

Anywaz, my son has struggled so much trying to make friendz as so many party. His girlfriend just ended their 2 yr relationship as she just started college and went from being a sober person 2 a drunk now. Needless to say he's devastated and believes he is never going 2 find a female that has his morals and beliefs. its hard as a parent 2 watch him struggle and i wish he could find someone that doesn't party.

Would love to chat sometime with you.
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:48 PM
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There are lots of people out there who are fun to be around while sober, I try to focus on that part of myself without stressing out about it.
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:49 PM
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@ casmasta, thank you, yeah I did the same thing, totally surrounded myself with drunks. My roommate is actually very cool in general with me not drinking (when I told her she said she wouldn't keep alcohol in the house if it was necessary, etc.) but it just hurt tonight. Like she was embarrassed of me

@thepatman I totally don't want to waste my life! Which is a new feeling. It's amazing how life didn't seem to be worth living without getting drunk...

@serenity537 Dating in college is really difficult in general, never mind without drinking! LOL but seriously, tell him to not worry about finding someone right now. There are plenty of people out there who aren't into partying, and plenty of the ones who do so in college stop after they graduate. I met my last boyfriend on line, never dated anyone from my school lol. Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk!
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:02 PM
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ising, I know what you're going through and I'm 31. Unfortunately it doesn't get that much easier after college. My friends go to bars quite a bit to watch the fights or football games and a lot of times they'll say, "Are you sure? We're gonna be drinking? Maybe next week we'll just all watch at my place," or something like that. It sucks feeling like you're left out.

One thing that is kind of awesome though is waking up the next day and feeling good and not being the least bit hungover when most everyone else is.
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:29 PM
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I don't think she's embarrassed of you.. I think she's embarrassed of herself.
It's hard to power drink when someone is looking at you with sober eyes.

I know it hurts.
Getting blown off is pretty bogus..
But you're doing great for YOU!
Get a hobby.
Find some new things that interest you.

Sing anyway, girl!
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Old 11-17-2012, 11:25 PM
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I had people ask me.....are ou ill? Are you taking meds? One day in my local I had one 'friend' try and pick an argument with my decision not to drink......at same time his eyes were bulging out of his bloated face.

in my local pub....I still pop in say once every few weeks for a coffee.....since August seemingly it has gone around that I have stopped drinking......I told the owner of the pub last Sept that I did it for a bet that I could stop until Christmas (any excuse for a quiet life with no questions).......anyway last Friday I popped in for a coffee....one local whom I rarely spoke with simply said 'not long to go now'......I asked. 'for what'?....he replied 'when you start drinking again....the bet you made'. I still don't get why people are so interested, mostly I feel or believe that they are not interested in a positive way but rather you must be ill.....or why don't you drink....or you should drink......or you should drink cos your missing the good time. At the start I didn't mind such comments but now they have become so so annoying.

I guess out of 20 people I know fairly well - from only two I could feel that they 'got it' (hope that makes sense) without so many words and questions and comments.
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Old 11-18-2012, 12:09 AM
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IMO-

Cherish it. I wish that I could go back and re-do college, sober. There were people that I did not hang with, because they were not drinking or drugging.

What an ass I was.

Sorry, but, again, cherish what you have.

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Old 11-18-2012, 05:51 AM
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College drinking is a terrible problem, both for the students and for the administrators. Fortunately, despite all the drinking I was able to get a fine education out of college but I must admit that it took me a good way up the path to eventual alcoholism. In a culture where drinking is considered almost a "must" for social acceptance, particularly on weekends (in my day a teetotaler was often labeled as a "queer") the pressures to drink, and often to drink excessively, may appear overwhelming, particularly to a person who is shy and uncertain of herself. And then there is the problem of enormous college costs these days. So college becomes a very expensive way in which to develop a life threatening illness.
There are no easy answers. Suffice it to say that many kids do get through college and get a fine education without becoming alcoholics. Others are not so fortunate. Not only do they emerge ill educated and in debt but they have acquired a terrible illness which saddens their future lives.

W.
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:52 AM
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I find the more days that I am sober, the more sober people I find around me. I'm not saying ditch your friends at all... just that if you give it time you'll probably connect more with people that don't focus on drinking during all their free time! Take care!
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Old 11-18-2012, 07:12 AM
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Isinganyway, that was rude and unkind of your roommate. Being in college, maybe you can find some social group with sobriety as a value? There must be such things on campus, no? Seems larger universities these days have a group for everyone. Or, try some other groups that have your interests at heart.

I know it does not take away the pain of the rejection from your current friends, but you do need some friends to feel comfortable with. I know I feel that. A need for sober friendships. Just someone who does not always thing we need to go for a glass of wine.
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Old 11-18-2012, 07:16 AM
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Hi Ising...yes you are smarter. Since when does one have to be drunk to hit on guys? It's a great thing to remember not only what I did last night, but also who I did. LOL

Since I was young and surrounded by drinkers when I first quit, I was the minority. That was fine with me. I like standing out and standing on my own. I was actually seen as a rebel for not drinking...imagine that. I say this often, but it takes zero effort to pull a personality from a bottle. I find those people so boring. Cool without the booze...that makes you a true badass.
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Old 11-18-2012, 07:39 AM
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I take a little different tact, which may not be advisable so young in your sobriety, and certainly isn't for everyone. I go out with my friends, and I party like a rock star, and I am fun and don't watch what anybody else is drinking...I JUST DON'T DRINK. I think part of the problem is we treat ourslves with kid gloves, so everybody else does too. I don't drink, that doesn't make me sick or a leper. I can party like the best of them, and I can enjoy their company (nice happy drunks that is). My advantage? I can drive there and back. I never have hangovers, I don't puke, I don't trip....when I dance, my feet are coordinated (you know like Fred astair). I always have seltzer in my hand, the bar tender comps me all night, and my friends don't think twice about it. In full disclosure, I am probably 18 years older, have been with my friends for all 18 of those years, and I have nothing to prove anymore. The key? Realize you are not special and you are not missing out. You are just you..who doesn't drink, eat Turkey or Patte (obviously I am talking about me) - drop the insecurity and go party your butt off, life is phenomenal sober, nothing passes you by!
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Old 11-18-2012, 08:26 AM
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DrunkTx...best advice ever!! I have not found one thing I can do better drunk than sober. In all the years since I've quit, I have not once fallen while dancing on a table or bar. I'm speaking for myself though, not everyone needs to be extroverted. In fact I find a quiet confidence extremely attractive. Either way, lose the booze and find your groove.
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Old 11-18-2012, 08:41 AM
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I wish I hadn't spent my college years, plus many more after that drinking. I still am in touch with many of my college friends even though we now live far away for each other. I would have made wiser choices in college had I been sober.

Just this past week a 21 year old boy from our town died after his friends bought him 21 shots for his birthday. You never know what the effects of alcohol will be.

Find some clubs or sports, or take DrunkTx advice and party like a rock star as the designated driver.

Be proud of your choice at such a young age.
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Old 11-18-2012, 11:29 PM
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you guys are seriously the best. thank you, everyone, your kind words are so valuable to me at this time... makes me feel like i'm doing the right thing
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