My first post.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4
My first post.
This is difficult. I feel alone and exhausted. I know I have a serious problem with alcohol, but my friends makes me feel like a fraud. I see now after almost three months of being sober that I was in an evil loop with my drinking. I knew it while it was going on, but I managed to ignore it. I drank because I felt bad, and felt bad afterwards because I had been drinking. I remember telling myself three years ago that I should stop drinking every day, but I didn't get to that point until I saw that if I didn't quit now, id loose the only person that I have ever loved. I had no way of being his rock at this point, and in his own pain he was my rock through those first weeks of hell I went though to sober up.
But nobody I know has gone through this, and who I thought were my friends keep telling me im not an alcoholic. How come I have to defend it, I don't understand. I've processed more over the last three months than I ever did in those seven years I was drinking after my life went to hell and I lost "me". Drinking made me go looking for more hell, because I didn't value myself. I haven't been a complete person until now. And I feel SO changed.
But it's hard when what you used to do was to go out with friends. It's Saturday night and if I had been alone in the house... I don't know if I can brake, because I feel so strongly about becoming this person that I feel emerging from within, but sometimes I don't see the point.
I had a though night. Things from the past are surfacing. I don't understand why someone will tell you you don't have an alcohol problem when I clearly know it better than them... It hurts.
But nobody I know has gone through this, and who I thought were my friends keep telling me im not an alcoholic. How come I have to defend it, I don't understand. I've processed more over the last three months than I ever did in those seven years I was drinking after my life went to hell and I lost "me". Drinking made me go looking for more hell, because I didn't value myself. I haven't been a complete person until now. And I feel SO changed.
But it's hard when what you used to do was to go out with friends. It's Saturday night and if I had been alone in the house... I don't know if I can brake, because I feel so strongly about becoming this person that I feel emerging from within, but sometimes I don't see the point.
I had a though night. Things from the past are surfacing. I don't understand why someone will tell you you don't have an alcohol problem when I clearly know it better than them... It hurts.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I think someone who's never experienced a need to drink...or never been in that cycle where we feel SO bad from drinking, but the only thing we can think to do is drink again, can really understand it Joana.
I was killing myself with drinking (literally) but most of my friends kept telling me I was fine.
Of course most of them were prodigious drinkers too so that may have warped their perspective as well...
You know the reality. It's not your friends problem it's yours...I'm glad you're here to try and do something about it tho.
We really do understand
Welcome to SR
D
I was killing myself with drinking (literally) but most of my friends kept telling me I was fine.
Of course most of them were prodigious drinkers too so that may have warped their perspective as well...
You know the reality. It's not your friends problem it's yours...I'm glad you're here to try and do something about it tho.
We really do understand
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Joana)) - Welcome to SR! I found out that a lot of people who told me I didn't have a problem, had a problem themselves, and they felt threatened. Not sure if that's what's going on with your friends, but you know what alcohol does to you and you know it's no good for you. Congratulations on doing what YOU need to do!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR Joana. I can relate with the Saturday night part. Try to relax and enjoy behing alone. Post here alot if you feel bored. I'm alone also, my best friend lives next door and their having a party outside with a nice fire. I heard their conversation while having an outside smoke... They totally sounded like drunk idiots. LOL! Seriously that was me with them not long ago. I'm sitting here alone and feel lucky, having a nice tea.
Who will have a big hangover tomorow?? Not ME! I will be good as new, will be able to fonction perfectly. Now that's life!!!
Who will have a big hangover tomorow?? Not ME! I will be good as new, will be able to fonction perfectly. Now that's life!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4
I guess they all see this person that put her foot down and said stop, but they are not here to see when im crying behind closed doors and climbing the walls. I wish you guys weren't out there, but im glad you are. Thank you for letting me see it's "normal"
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
I have the same problem with my friends. They think it is fine and like to see me get smashed. I gave up for 4 months and it was only when I crashed and started drinking again that they said they thought I was doing great and they were jealous. I guess that is just what it is....this time I am giving up forever.
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