Notices

Two new poems

Old 11-17-2012, 12:51 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
amandah09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
Posts: 38
Two new poems

Two new poems ive written, the last few weeks have been insanely difficult for me as my best friend, furchild, dog, Diesel died. I have no intention on hurting myself thats not what the poems are trying to say, this is just a way of expressing my feelings without hurting myself anymore.

Floating
I feel like floating
floating just under the surface
I try not to struggle and just let the darkness take me under
its much better than fighting against the envitable
the pain stabs again and I swallow the pills to push me back into
a state not alive, but not yet dead
its in the floating stage I feel most comforatable
Another stab of pain, its almost enough to push me over the edge
A brand new blade, I hold it to where I know a nice juicy vein lives just under the skin
I lick my lips, close my eyes and press the blade into the flesh
it slices like butter, I can feel the pulse of hot crimson but
its not enough, press the blade deeper until the flow starts to sprurt
I watch my life leak out onto the bathroom floor
Floating again, I whisper to death and ask to finally go with him
an evil laugh is the only response I get back
The crushing feeling, Im being dragged out of the water
I try to fight the pull but its too late
floating now in a sea of meds,
they try to dope me up to stop me from what I want
I swallow them with a tinge of regret
Floating again, floating in thought
wishing things could change, but they wont change
I drink half a bottle, smoke my fare share of weed
floating again, just under the surface, not deep enough
Floating, this is where Ill stay until I finally sink
way down where the clutches of life cant reach


Have you Ever?
Have you ever lay at night wishing to fall out of sight?
I lay motionless, and pray silently to die
Have you ever felt the burn, the burn of cold steal against your flesh?
A new blade, I feel its power between my fingers
flesh, it finds it, caresses it, the burn
it feels good, a hard to explain goodness
Have you ever watched your life flow?
Crimson flows down my arm, into a sea that its made around me
Crimson I watch it , enjoy the small relief it brings, my life
flowing slowly out of the wound
An invasion, you ask death to finally take you, but its too late
your laying still in a hospital bed, alive
Have you ever felt the pain of failing to die?
Its the one thing I want but cannot achieve
I lay in the dark for minuets,
hours,
days,
The pain to much to bare
Relief comes finally
Have you ever felt the relief ?
A cold drink, a white line, and the sweetness of the one they call MaryJane
I feel relief, a shroud is over me, the pain subsided, but not muted
Have you ever felt that pain come back?
Daunting, its crushing you,
you beg for release
You take the pills they perscribed
no numbness follows,
you take more
and the pain begins to ebb
you take more, and dont want to stop
Have you ever felt that final release?
Some seek it, others hide from it, I embrace it
embrace an end to the unexplainable pain I feel
that most others could not fathom,
some may say it cant be real.
Real it is, a reality that is mine
always sinking, always floating just under the surface
but never taking breath, I wait for the time
when death finally seeks me out to grant my wish
So, Have you ever?
amandah09 is offline  
Old 11-17-2012, 01:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Thanks for sharing

I'm sorry again for your loss Amandah.
I hope you're finding some peace with all this.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-17-2012, 03:11 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Boothwyn , PA
Posts: 5
Your emotions are beautifully put. I am very sorry for your loss. My furkids are the ones who were willing to forgive me first when I finally got sober.
blsmith914 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:47 PM.