PerhapsLove

My AD has been in detox/rehab for 2 weeks now. I have spoken with her counselor, who says she is "appropriately" sad and ashamed, and they are recommending that she stay for another 6-8 weeks, followed by a halfway house. I am praying she follows their advice.

My dilemma is this: I have heard nothing from my daughter. I'm not upset about that. I understand that she needs to focus on herself now and begin to work the program. Tomorrow is the first opportunity for her to have visitors. I told her before she went that I would come to see her, but I haven't heard from her whether she is ready for that. I called the rehab yesterday and found that my name and my husband's are on her visitor list. But so is her ABF. I have never met him and don't care to. He introduced her to the drugs she is trying to get away from. I don't understand why she would put him on the list, but she did. I worry that he will convince her to sign herself out, but that is her decision to make.

I would like to see her and let her know that I love her and support her efforts to recover. But I don't know if it's appropriate for me just to show up. It is a 3 hr. drive one way and I don't mind that. I would prefer not to make the trip if the ABF is going to be there. The rehab doesn't permit incoming calls to the patients. If she is expecting me, I don't want to disappoint her. I'm really torn about what to do! Any thoughts?

Kindeyes

Does the rehab allow them to receive mail? If so, perhaps a lovely card expressing your ecouragement of her recovery and an explanation that you are leaving the ball in her court to ask you to come to visit.

And then......let go......and time will reveal more.

Just some thoughts.....

gentle hugs
ke

Tuffgirl

Great advice, KE.

I think its really up to you, PerhapsLove. You know there is a high probability you'll run into the BF. If you are not comfortable with that - the letter idea is a good one.

It's really your call as to what makes you most comfortable. Often, when I am faced with the "between a rock and a hard place" decisions, I try to imagine myself down the road, looking back. Would I be proud of the decision I made, or regret it?

PerhapsLove

I don't think I could tolerate being in the same room with the ABF. I think I will leave a message with the rehab that I won't come because I don't know if she is ready for me to visit. And I will send her a letter. Very good idea.