supportforme

Last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy lunch alone with my 14 year old son. As we are sitting in KFC, my son asks me if I've ever tried drugs. The question came out of left field. His dad has a prescription addiction and I do talk openly about addiction with him, but this son is extremely uncomfortable whenever we talk about addiction. He's not the talker at all. I was surpised- to say the least, that he would engage in a conversation about something that he avoids at all costs. I had no idea what to say - It never occured to me that he would ask me this question. So, I told him that yes I tried drugs when I was a teenager. I was young and I made a foolish mistake. I'm thankful that this mistake did not cost me my life. I explained to him that I realized that taking drugs was like playing russian roulette - you just never know when the bullet is going to shoot out of the barrel. I also told him that I had friends that tried drugs the 1st time and OD'd or became addicted. I have a cousin who he's never met who has been a heroin addict since he was 15. I went on to explain more of the same type of stories. I told him that he will be faced with the decision to try drugs and I hope that he chooses wisely because the outcome is never good, drugs cost you your life either by addiction, jail or death. I explained that b/c his dad is an addict, the chances of him and his brother becoming an addict are very high. He said - Mom - I thought you were smarter than that - I said - I wish I was. I'm not proud of alot of decisions I made when I was young. I was one of the lucky ones that learned from other peoples tragedies and never had that bullet fall into the barrel. Rest assured son, Mom is much wiser now. He sadly said - how could dad make such a stupid choice. I explained that addiction is not about not being smart or being a bad person, it's about making the wrong decision and becoming trapped. It's not about your dad not loving you enough, your dad is trapped and needs help. He then said let's talk about something else like you stealing my nuggets

Ironically, today I'm reading CNN and one of the headlines is "Russian Roulette" - I clicked on it out of curiosity and I got chills up my spine - the link was to an article titled: Prescription Drug Deaths - Two Stories. Halfway through the article I was struggling to catch my breath. I can't stop thinking how errie it is that a simple analogy I used for my son was used for the addiction that is taking his dad. I haven't decided if I'm going to show him the article. I don't know if I said the right thing to my boy, I have a therapy appt tomorrow; hopefully I didn't screw this up. So for those of you that have kids, prepare yourself for when your asked these questions.

eveleivibe

Thank you for tgat. You seen very responsible, honest n wise. Sorry your husband is going through this.

Freedom1990

I think you handled it great!

I also read that article today on CNN. It was so sad but also found it educational.

cangel2

I think you had a great conversation with your son! If you think there is more to share and you want to talk more about the issue after you have thought about things and received additional information then you should just bring it up with him.

I truly believe that there are may people who would wish to have such an open and easy relationship with their child. Take a deep breath....appreciate what you have with him and continue the dialogue and see where it leads.

dollydo

His question and response is all part of the untangling process that comes about due to addiction being present in a childs life. He is light years ahead of where I was at 14, being the child of alcoholics, I also had the "need" to know.

I think that you handled it well, and it sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, when drugs are offered to him, hopefully he will just say "NO".

As for the article, you don't want to scare him, he is already dealing with fear related to his father, children internalize their fears, might put him on overload. You know him, do what is best for him, you can always show him the article at a later date...he will most likely bring up the conversation again....some other question will pop in his mind.

eveleivibe

In my opinion, I would not show him the article as you don't him to worry aboit his Dad dying at the age of 14. But its your decision x

lauren

I do like how your son approached you with the question as he was
relaxed and wanted to know your answer at his pace and where he
was in his thinking at the time.

We as adults can tend to overload kids and it could make it confusing.
You know your child the best and it is always good to have needed
information handy for those times when it may be appropriate
according to his emotional outlook at the time.


Kids development at that age differs..the same yet perhaps not ready as
I do think it is much more successful when they ask the question for the
information to take effect. Kids don't have that logical point of view in
them at this age.

You did well.

lauren

supportforme

Thanks for your support and guidance. I realized how forutnate I truly am that my son reached out to me to discuss such a sensitive and important topic. I'm glad that I made the right choice and gave him an honest response. It was uncomfortable but I told the truth, which is exactly the lesson he needed and I wanted him to learn. I guess with everything going on, I struggle with not wanting to make mistakes and I need to appreciate these unexpected situations that are an opportunity for me to teach my sons a life lesson. BTW - I'm not telling him about the article - I see now that I considered it b/c of my own insecurities of wanting to prove to him that I'm telling him the truth about his dad's addiction and drugs. There is no need to show it to him. Thanks again for your support.