What should I do ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 13
What should I do ?
What do you do when you feel you are in a situation that seems unfair to you? I'm young and i live with my parents, i have a younger sister and her and i dont have a good relationship because I always felt like my parents loved her more than me. I was the bad kid, getting kicked out of school cos i was high, i wasn't motivate to go to school so i didnt have good results and i eventually quit school and left the house for a while. My sister was the good kid, trying not to do the same mistakes I did....I was gone for about a month and i came back because it was 1 week before christmas and i wanted all the family to be together. I went back to school and i'm really trying to have a good relationship with my sister and parents but I feel like it's impossible. i am their oldest daughter, and since I am young my parents were always nicer with my sister. they gave my sister a car for her birthday....I am not jealous of that but i had to buy my own car and i need to pay $125 per week if i wanna stay here (not enough money so move out at the moment). i clean the house, i help with my brother's homework, I do supper everynight, but it is NEVER enough. And when I decide to speak up....it always ends with me crying because they start yelling that I always complain and I am never happy with what I have. What should I do ?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Recoveryfirst 
I have a few resentments towards my family for stuff like this too. Things like I had to pay my own way through college, whereas as my sisters didn't. Funny thing is though that they have a list too of things I had and they didn't! Families are just like that. There are always other circumstances to reflect these situations though, which sometimes I forget. Do you think some of it is that you think your parents have certain expectations of you but aren't noticing the good stuff you do?
I have a few resentments towards my family for stuff like this too. Things like I had to pay my own way through college, whereas as my sisters didn't. Funny thing is though that they have a list too of things I had and they didn't! Families are just like that. There are always other circumstances to reflect these situations though, which sometimes I forget. Do you think some of it is that you think your parents have certain expectations of you but aren't noticing the good stuff you do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 13
I pay for everything...they don't pay anything for me but they bought a car for my sis, it's just unfair. But yes I feel like they have expectations but they don't tell me what they are and no matter what i do it is never the right thing
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
What are you using for your recovery? Tbh this is the sort of stuff AA is good with... maybe just concentrate on getting better yourself than worrying what other people may be thinking or doing. It sounds to me that you are doing all the right things at home. Don't let a few things make you feel bad x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Do you think everything you're doing is wrong? Maybe you think others think that but really all that matters is what you think. Could you remind yourself sometimes that actually you do a lot of things right x
x
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
It's hard when you're not getting approval from close outside sources like your parents but that's when those meetings really become important. Also remember to give yourself credit and to seek approval from yourself first. You're doing well and trying hard. It's going to take a while to rebuild those relationships. I broke a lot of trust when i was drinking. I've found that the best way to rebuild it has been by the slow and steady proof of my actions. Keep your slow and steady actions up and your quiet perseverance. You'll get there. It just takes time. Remember that recovery isn't a race with a finish line. It's an ongoing way of life. Find solice in your actions and your new lifestyle and the rewards will come to you in their own time. Lean on those at your meetings and in your sober community like us at SR. We know and understand what your going through while many who haven't been through addiction personally don't quite get it. Keep on track and don't be discouraged.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think that when you look for approval outside of yourself, it never works. You have expectations that people should act a certain way because of what you do in the home, but it doesn't happen. So, what should you do? My suggestion would be to feel good about yourself for what you contribute to your family. If that doesn't work, then maybe it's time to move out. When you expect other people to change, I find it just causes pain in your life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
It sounds to me that you need to talk to someone to work this out. You understand the facts, but they cause you a lot of emotional issues, which generally means get a head shrinker or a counselor or someone to spill your guts to so you can work through it. I am third child with overachiever siblings so I'm familiar with the inadequacy thing. Talking about it helps a lot. Jeez maybe I need a shrink myself again .
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