Disappointed, defeated, down in dumps
Disappointed, defeated, down in dumps
Well my hopeful thinking that 23 y/o son was still in recovery since May - all shot to hell.
He relapsed 3 months ago, I learned today. Such a heartbreaking day. He is making calls to ins and IP place from May. He said it started mid aug when his sponsor gave him a Xanax for stress. All downhill from there. He does accept, tho, that he didn't have to take it. His problem. I told him to make his choice/ said if he chooses to be an addict, our relationship and contact ends today. If he wants to save himself, he needs to make the calls, etc and we will not pay one dime. We paid for last IP rehab $10K. For 3 months if sobriety!
I am so done. So exhausted. So in awe of you at SR who know all about "trusting your gut, look at his actions, etc
He relapsed 3 months ago, I learned today. Such a heartbreaking day. He is making calls to ins and IP place from May. He said it started mid aug when his sponsor gave him a Xanax for stress. All downhill from there. He does accept, tho, that he didn't have to take it. His problem. I told him to make his choice/ said if he chooses to be an addict, our relationship and contact ends today. If he wants to save himself, he needs to make the calls, etc and we will not pay one dime. We paid for last IP rehab $10K. For 3 months if sobriety!
I am so done. So exhausted. So in awe of you at SR who know all about "trusting your gut, look at his actions, etc
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
I am so sorry to read about your son's relapse. I can honestly say I know how you feel because I too experienced the sadness and disappointment when my 23 y/o son relapsed several times. IMO, he was not ready to embrace recovery when he relapsed. Living at home did not help him either. I think what has helped my son to stay clean the last 7 months, is living in a SLE. I know his recovery is fragile and can change in a moment but for now he seems to be in a good place. I think he needs the daily support of others dealing with recovery but who have somegood clean time under their belts. I hope your son will choose recovery. I will keep him and you in my prayers.
I am sorry to hear this news. You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm a little shocked that his sponsor would give him drugs, but he's right, it was his decision to take them or not.
It sounds like you're handling things the best way possible. Hang in there.
I'm a little shocked that his sponsor would give him drugs, but he's right, it was his decision to take them or not.
It sounds like you're handling things the best way possible. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
He said it started mid aug when his sponsor gave him a Xanax for stress.
Addicts need to stop blaming others, quit making excuses and accept responsibility for their behavior. Maybe this can be a learning experience for him.
Glad you are not wasting any more money. If he wants to stay clean. He will. End of story.
I am sorry to hear this news. You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm a little shocked that his sponsor would give him drugs, but he's right, it was his decision to take them or not.
It sounds like you're handling things the best way possible. Hang in there.
I'm a little shocked that his sponsor would give him drugs, but he's right, it was his decision to take them or not.
It sounds like you're handling things the best way possible. Hang in there.
Double winner here.
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Yeah, that was a bad move on the sponsor's part.
Also, in his defense, sometimes rehab doesn't work the first time. He was honest and upfront about it even though it took 3 months to tell you. He didn't have to tell you, he could have kept it hidden, but he knew that he would have to deal with the consequences, and he is owning up to that. That is good. Maybe, he did learn something the first time.
Relapse is part of the disease. You have to accept that it may happen, and probably will. The thought is not how to make sure they never relapse, but how to make sure that they make the right decision about it afterward.
Have hope. If he is looking for rehabs, he is doing the right thing, and he knows he needs help. Give him a chance to redeem himself.
Also, in his defense, sometimes rehab doesn't work the first time. He was honest and upfront about it even though it took 3 months to tell you. He didn't have to tell you, he could have kept it hidden, but he knew that he would have to deal with the consequences, and he is owning up to that. That is good. Maybe, he did learn something the first time.
Relapse is part of the disease. You have to accept that it may happen, and probably will. The thought is not how to make sure they never relapse, but how to make sure that they make the right decision about it afterward.
Have hope. If he is looking for rehabs, he is doing the right thing, and he knows he needs help. Give him a chance to redeem himself.
If his sponsor did indeed offer him a xanax, that man has no business sponsoring anyone. That is not recovery behavior by any stretch of the imagination, and yes, he had the choice to not take it.
I've read some of the most manipulative and BS things an addict/alcoholic will say to family members regarding sponsors and 12-step programs to cover their a$$e$.
As a recovering addict/alcoholic of 22 years, I'm not buying into what he told you.
Sending you hugs of support, dear.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear DJ, I am so sorry to hear the news. I understand how you feel, been there and done that! I agree 100% that you are on the absolute right track with your boundaries. Either he can live any way he wants to as an addict and you do not have contact, or he can choose recovery ON HIS OWN and get clean. My son went IOP and relapsed after 28 days, then went inpatient for 4 months to one of the strictest rehabs in our city where only 1 in 10 make it through. He went to SLE and relapsed 10 days after he got out (my Mom passed away suddenly during that time.) Since then, my son has been arrested and is serving time for the burglary to our home. He has told me that he used Grandma's death as an excuse to use. Clearly wasn't ready to be sober yet. Maybe now after he was homeless, stabbed, sick and has two felonies on his record, he might be ready to embrace recovery (?). I can only hope that is true. I hope your son realizes what he is capable of in staying sober and that he is responsible for his actions.
Hugs
Teresa
Hugs
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Uk
Posts: 764
Well my hopeful thinking that 23 y/o son was still in recovery since May - all shot to hell.
He relapsed 3 months ago, I learned today. Such a heartbreaking day. He is making calls to ins and IP place from May. He said it started mid aug when his sponsor gave him a Xanax for stress. All downhill from there. He does accept, tho, that he didn't have to take it. His problem. I told him to make his choice/ said if he chooses to be an addict, our relationship and contact ends today. If he wants to save himself, he needs to make the calls, etc and we will not pay one dime. We paid for last IP rehab $10K. For 3 months if sobriety!
I am so done. So exhausted. So in awe of you at SR who know all about "trusting your gut, look at his actions, etc
He relapsed 3 months ago, I learned today. Such a heartbreaking day. He is making calls to ins and IP place from May. He said it started mid aug when his sponsor gave him a Xanax for stress. All downhill from there. He does accept, tho, that he didn't have to take it. His problem. I told him to make his choice/ said if he chooses to be an addict, our relationship and contact ends today. If he wants to save himself, he needs to make the calls, etc and we will not pay one dime. We paid for last IP rehab $10K. For 3 months if sobriety!
I am so done. So exhausted. So in awe of you at SR who know all about "trusting your gut, look at his actions, etc
I think it's disgraceful of his sponsor to give him a xanax. I don't know much about sponsors myself, but i don't think they should give out meds. That should be by a medical doctor. So in that respect i do feel for your son.
I can totally understand your feelings after spending so much money n getting your hopes up to be smashed to pieces.
Have you heard of al anon n their meetings? A lot of ppl on this forum swesr by them. Would you like to try them? Take them out for you as this must have been a stressful time. Relax n warm baths.
I don't really know what else to say keep reading. Keep posting. You'll get plenty of support here with ppl who have gone through the same as you.
Also read the stickies.
Hugs
Evey xxx
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