Does telling your "War Stories" of drinking help you stay sober?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto ONtario
Posts: 80
Does telling your "War Stories" of drinking help you stay sober?
This question came about from another thread. I have always been told in treatment and "The Rooms" of A.A. that its not good to recount too much the stupid/dangerous/crazy things we did while in active use, nor is it a good idea to go on and on about the horrors of withdrawal (I am very guilty of both, I confess). I sincerely feel that it helps remind myself of why I stay sober.
How do you feel about this? Does it help you or do you find that such accounts "glamourize" what we've done?
How do you feel about this? Does it help you or do you find that such accounts "glamourize" what we've done?
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 115
It helps me to hear war stories. It's like staring the ugliness that results from alcohol abuse in the face is in no way glamorous. I have not once heard a war story and thought "Wow! I want to be like that!" But I have thought about how much shame I felt from my own stories and how I never wanted to feel that shame again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
My thinking is that there is a time and a place for them. 12 step calls for example. But I feel that in meetings we should be sharing a message of hope. If I am telling war stories to impress people what good am I doing? I have a primary purpose to carry a message in a meeting. If my war stories arent doing that they don't belong in a meeting. A brand new person in a meeting is well aware of how crappy things can get. I prefer to share the solution once they are already in the meeting.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Very good question. I think were the danger is for people who are looking for any accuse to not admit they are alcoholic. They look at war stories and say, "Well I am not that bad so I am not alcoholic." instead of saying, "Crap I am an alcoholic and never want to get that bad."
To some degree I have given up worrying about these issues. People will always hear what they want and what is said and what is heard can be very different things. A war story may be great for one person and bad for another. I put it in my higher power's hands and let him/her/it sort it out.
One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in a meeting was, "I lie about how long it takes me to mow my lawn." This likely made no differance to anyone else but it made a huge differance to me and was when I started to embrace AA. Long story what it meant to me but who knows how your words will effect another
To some degree I have given up worrying about these issues. People will always hear what they want and what is said and what is heard can be very different things. A war story may be great for one person and bad for another. I put it in my higher power's hands and let him/her/it sort it out.
One of the most enlightening things I ever heard in a meeting was, "I lie about how long it takes me to mow my lawn." This likely made no differance to anyone else but it made a huge differance to me and was when I started to embrace AA. Long story what it meant to me but who knows how your words will effect another
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I've been in AA since March, and after a relapse I've now been sober since May.
In the beginning, I needed to hear the war stories. I could relate to them and it sort of underlined the fact that I was indeed an alcoholic and in the right place.
Over time, what I tune into has changed. There aren't many war stories I haven't heard now. Instead it's the messages of hope, the details of what has worked for those with long term sobriety under their belts, the passages of the BB that have supported their recovery, that I am interested in.
What we need to hear changes according to where we are on our journeys I think.
For me, step meetings are where I'm at as I'm working through mine.
I reckon war stories have their place but they are a tiny bit of a much larger picture x
In the beginning, I needed to hear the war stories. I could relate to them and it sort of underlined the fact that I was indeed an alcoholic and in the right place.
Over time, what I tune into has changed. There aren't many war stories I haven't heard now. Instead it's the messages of hope, the details of what has worked for those with long term sobriety under their belts, the passages of the BB that have supported their recovery, that I am interested in.
What we need to hear changes according to where we are on our journeys I think.
For me, step meetings are where I'm at as I'm working through mine.
I reckon war stories have their place but they are a tiny bit of a much larger picture x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: kent
Posts: 5
i think for me saying out loud what ive actually done whilst drunk has actually made me realise the extent of my addiction for along time i was telling myself that my behaviour was pretty normal, of course i wouldnt re account things to random asscociates in the supermarket, but i think that hearing other peoples stories would actually help me to keep on track x
"Why So Serious?"
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Framingham, MA
Posts: 522
This goes both ways for me. Some war stories can make me never want to see alcohol again. Other war stories make me thing, "Damn, that was fun! I wanna go do that again!" It's really kind of hit or miss with me. I'm guessing this didn't answer your question one bit, LOL.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when i got into AA all i was hearin was the drinkin war stories. it brought up fear that ya'll would tell me i didnt drink enough yet.
then i started listening deeper and hearin the thinkin war stories. that is what got me. and helped greatly.
when its workin with a sponsee, another alcoholic, or a 12th step call, i bring up drinkin war stories to help them see they arent alone, but add the thinkin that lead to my actions, which can turn on light bulbs for them.
after all, alcohol was but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
then i started listening deeper and hearin the thinkin war stories. that is what got me. and helped greatly.
when its workin with a sponsee, another alcoholic, or a 12th step call, i bring up drinkin war stories to help them see they arent alone, but add the thinkin that lead to my actions, which can turn on light bulbs for them.
after all, alcohol was but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by sothisisit 
This question came about from another thread. I have always been told in treatment and "The Rooms" of A.A. that its not good to recount too much the stupid/dangerous/crazy things we did while in active use, nor is it a good idea to go on and on about the horrors of withdrawal (I am very guilty of both, I confess). I sincerely feel that it helps remind myself of why I stay sober.
How do you feel about this? Does it help you or do you find that such accounts "glamourize" what we've done?
How do you feel about this? Does it help you or do you find that such accounts "glamourize" what we've done?
There are also ten billion idiots out there with helpful advice on how to fix a drinking problem. They will come up with obscure yet brilliant concepts like "moderation" and "quitting". Stuff we never would have thought of ourselves.
Only an alcoholic knows what it is like to drink our lives into a disaster and still after all is said and done, still just want another drink. That person might know the way out.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by Fernaceman
For me, in my current state of mind, they make me smile sometimes at just how crazy our minds and actions can be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I like sharing and listening to the stories.
I think as humans we forget how bad it was, and need reminders.
I also think that when someone shares something that they feel ashamed of and I have something similar I am ashamed of, I feel less alone. That I am not the only one that did that. I am not the only one who feels like that. Other people have 'episodes' that they have to think about or deal with.
It also helps when someone shares something that I did not and it makes think 'wow, that is how bad it could get....'
I always remember a woman sharing how she came too from a blackout and she was driving her car with her kids in the back. All I could think was I have not done that...yet.
I think as humans we forget how bad it was, and need reminders.
I also think that when someone shares something that they feel ashamed of and I have something similar I am ashamed of, I feel less alone. That I am not the only one that did that. I am not the only one who feels like that. Other people have 'episodes' that they have to think about or deal with.
It also helps when someone shares something that I did not and it makes think 'wow, that is how bad it could get....'
I always remember a woman sharing how she came too from a blackout and she was driving her car with her kids in the back. All I could think was I have not done that...yet.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
I don't want to hear others misery, nor do I want to share mine.
There is no place in my sobriety for dwelling on or recounting the past.
I was a drunk, I know that and vividly am aware of it.
That works for me.
There is no place in my sobriety for dwelling on or recounting the past.
I was a drunk, I know that and vividly am aware of it.
That works for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southwest Ohio
Posts: 103
We can't run or hide from our past no matter how hard we try. If I'm able to find motivation or humor from past stories I'm all for it. Its hard to hear about the mistakes we've made, but we've made them already. No use in running from yourself... can't find yourself by being afraid to hear about it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Not sure where this fits in the thread but it does IMO
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Not sure where this fits in the thread but it does IMO
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations."
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