Who was she?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: San Diego CA
Posts: 21
Who was she?
I've been reading the postings on this forum for a couple of months and have really enjoyed and learned from the people here. What a wonderful support group you have built here.
I thought I would share a bit of my story perhaps as a way to put closure to a fairy tale that did not have a happy ending. About 8 months ago I met a wonderful lady. We hit it off immediately. We were attracted to each other in every way. We went on outings together and spent a lot of time each day texting, flirting, and talking. We laughed so much it was almost exhausting. It seemed as if we could not get enough of each other. Then one day she wanted to have a "talk" with me and she showed up crying. She then finally broke down and said that she was addicted to pills! She had a multi-year addiction to a prescription pain pill (along with some Xanax). I was fairly surprised as I would have had no idea that she was an addict. Although a little withdrawn at times, she was always loving, upbeat and functional when she was around me. I told her that I wanted to continue the relationship and help her deal with the problem. I had no idea what I was getting into! From the moment she admitted addiction her personality began to change. She became extremely anxious about the prospect of rehab and started acting scattered and increasingly withdrawn. Within the next six weeks our relationship continued, but began to become increasingly about her addiction and less about "us". She ran out of drugs (a prescription opiate drug) and checked into a drug detox clinic. We remained in communication during the 10 days she was in there, but she seemed to be under extreme duress and I realized that our relationship would need to change. She finally came home (we lived apart) and we mutually agreed that we needed to end the relationship "for now" while she worked on "her". I ended things with a lot of great memories and several lingering questions...."who was she"? Did I ever really know her?
Yeah....it hurts, but I think that we made the right decision. I can't get my head around this whole "addiction thing", but I know now that it must really be the devil.
Good luck to all of you and thanks again for your help.
I thought I would share a bit of my story perhaps as a way to put closure to a fairy tale that did not have a happy ending. About 8 months ago I met a wonderful lady. We hit it off immediately. We were attracted to each other in every way. We went on outings together and spent a lot of time each day texting, flirting, and talking. We laughed so much it was almost exhausting. It seemed as if we could not get enough of each other. Then one day she wanted to have a "talk" with me and she showed up crying. She then finally broke down and said that she was addicted to pills! She had a multi-year addiction to a prescription pain pill (along with some Xanax). I was fairly surprised as I would have had no idea that she was an addict. Although a little withdrawn at times, she was always loving, upbeat and functional when she was around me. I told her that I wanted to continue the relationship and help her deal with the problem. I had no idea what I was getting into! From the moment she admitted addiction her personality began to change. She became extremely anxious about the prospect of rehab and started acting scattered and increasingly withdrawn. Within the next six weeks our relationship continued, but began to become increasingly about her addiction and less about "us". She ran out of drugs (a prescription opiate drug) and checked into a drug detox clinic. We remained in communication during the 10 days she was in there, but she seemed to be under extreme duress and I realized that our relationship would need to change. She finally came home (we lived apart) and we mutually agreed that we needed to end the relationship "for now" while she worked on "her". I ended things with a lot of great memories and several lingering questions...."who was she"? Did I ever really know her?
Yeah....it hurts, but I think that we made the right decision. I can't get my head around this whole "addiction thing", but I know now that it must really be the devil.
Good luck to all of you and thanks again for your help.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Misterdon,
Addiction is the devil, it destroys lives, marriages, families, jobs, well everything..
Be thankful that you are no longer in a relationship with this person.. Be very very very thankful.. Once you are in a relationship with an addict your get on the merry go round of insanity and its very hard to step off..
I do hope that you continue to read and post on here.. Your life was affected by an addict so you need the strength and hope this board can provide..
Addiction is the devil, it destroys lives, marriages, families, jobs, well everything..
Be thankful that you are no longer in a relationship with this person.. Be very very very thankful.. Once you are in a relationship with an addict your get on the merry go round of insanity and its very hard to step off..
I do hope that you continue to read and post on here.. Your life was affected by an addict so you need the strength and hope this board can provide..
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR Misterdon, I am sorry for what you are going through but think you made the right decision.
Putting time and space between you now will give her a chance to work on her recovery and find a better way to live. It will give you time to cool your heels and decide if this is the kind of relationship you want.
Addiction to any substance is very difficult to beat. It can be done, it IS done, there are many double winners here who are living proof that no matter how deep you are in the darkness of addiction, you can choose a better path and live well in a healthy way. Others never make it back. Some die, we have lost too many loved ones who are addicted here. Others, like my son, may spend their entire lives in and out of the recovery/addiction revolving door, and we can only pray for them, as they too have made their choice and are living in danger every day.
My point is, choosing to live with someone who has been addicted and is only new to recovery, has risks of relapse. That happens too.
Only you can decide what you want for your life, how you want to live and how you want your children, when/if the time comes, to live also.
I will keep this lady in my prayers, that she makes it through this and lives well in her recovery. And prayers for you too, that you will figure out what is best for your life and be comfortable with your choice.
Hugs
Putting time and space between you now will give her a chance to work on her recovery and find a better way to live. It will give you time to cool your heels and decide if this is the kind of relationship you want.
Addiction to any substance is very difficult to beat. It can be done, it IS done, there are many double winners here who are living proof that no matter how deep you are in the darkness of addiction, you can choose a better path and live well in a healthy way. Others never make it back. Some die, we have lost too many loved ones who are addicted here. Others, like my son, may spend their entire lives in and out of the recovery/addiction revolving door, and we can only pray for them, as they too have made their choice and are living in danger every day.
My point is, choosing to live with someone who has been addicted and is only new to recovery, has risks of relapse. That happens too.
Only you can decide what you want for your life, how you want to live and how you want your children, when/if the time comes, to live also.
I will keep this lady in my prayers, that she makes it through this and lives well in her recovery. And prayers for you too, that you will figure out what is best for your life and be comfortable with your choice.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Who was she?
Shouldn’t it be who is she?
She is all the wonderful things that you saw in her, or at least she is the potential to be that and more if drugs aren't around. But she wasn’t whole using and won’t be for some time now as she finds her way in recovery.
But at times we don’t know. It is a gamble. We see potential in others, pick out the best parts and dismiss the sick ones shining through and this is with every relationship, not just with addiction.
Shouldn’t it be who is she?
She is all the wonderful things that you saw in her, or at least she is the potential to be that and more if drugs aren't around. But she wasn’t whole using and won’t be for some time now as she finds her way in recovery.
But at times we don’t know. It is a gamble. We see potential in others, pick out the best parts and dismiss the sick ones shining through and this is with every relationship, not just with addiction.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
MrDon, please consider that she was in her mode (high) on the perscription pills. They tend to make people much more jovial, happy, etc. This is all part of the reason pain pill addiction is so great in this world. I agree that now is the time to step away. Let her choose sobriety (or not) and then find out who she IS when she is not taking mind altering substances. Welcome to SR, we are all here for the same reason. Sharing or experience, support and help.
Hugs,
Teresa
Hugs,
Teresa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: San Diego CA
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj 
MrDon, please consider that she was in her mode (high) on the perscription pills. They tend to make people much more jovial, happy, etc. This is all part of the reason pain pill addiction is so great in this world. I agree that now is the time to step away. Let her choose sobriety (or not) and then find out who she IS when she is not taking mind altering substances. Welcome to SR, we are all here for the same reason. Sharing or experience, support and help.
Hugs,
Teresa
Hugs,
Teresa
She used her opiate DOC at 3 times a day for multiple years.
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