Tarot

Well the no contact didn't last long. He came round the very next morning to check that i actually meant it. It did make me giggle. I was glad actually because although i know its the best thing for me to do...break all contact....i didn't like that i had screamed it at him after he wound me up so much. This time he was a bit more with it and i think i got through to him in a nice way and i felt better about my behaviour. I just told him i didn't want to know him as long as he was in active addiction. He sat and listened and said yes a lot, and he understands a lot and how he was sorry a lot and how it was would sort it out a lot and it was really hard for me to not get sucked into believing him and building up my hopes again.

Tonight i heard the sad news that one of his friends had died at the age of 40 from years of abuse. Tragic. Nothing stopped him and i don't think anything will stop mine and i fear he will be next. I would like to think this sad news would shock him a bit and make him think about his own abuse....i doubt it though. He will just probably have another hit and not have to think about it. Its the watching them slowly commit suicide that is so hurtful. But that is what he's chosing to do i guess.

I will just have to start praying.

I also had a bot after difficulty with Al Anon this week. They were talking about how its an illness and they can't help it....i dot want to feel pity for him, disease or not. If i stay feeling like that i will want to take him back and flog that dead horse a bit more. I was feeling a bit torn at the meeting between feeling i should look after him.....or look after myself. Then i thot of my boys and it was a no brainer ....i didn't answer my phone to him. Its got to stop.

4kidsdad

Stop the madness. Good Luck Tarot and way to be brave.

Freedom1990

Hey Tarot, do you have a plan in place if he comes around again?

Addicts are incredibly stubborn and persistent. Don't bet on having "gotten through" to him this last time.

After I had successfully completed rehab for my own addictions/alcoholism, I relocated over two hours away from my EXAH. I had to for my own sanity/safety.

Sending you hugs of support, dear!

blackandblue

Thanks Freedom- This brings back my struggle with no contact and that I still have to keep it in check. He has slipped through the cracks time and time again throughout this recovery process. Stubborn, persistent- yes. Tenacious, relentless, and oh so charming. To this day my ex is the most "charming" man I have ever met. But as quickly as he can sweep you off your feet with his magnetism and stunning good looks- he can turn on you in an instant then cutting you off at the knees. It all depends on their mood. So easy to get wrapped up in the cycle until you wonder how you ended up negotiating again. Addiction can be oh so confusing and rising above it is such a gift.

kthopkt

It always helps me to remind myself that I am doing a favor for my brother by not accepting his addiction. I feel that the sooner everyone stops helping him, the better chance he has. Addicts experience horrible things, my brother was kidnapped & tortured by his drug dealers after he stole from them, but that didn't even stop him.

We are doing them a benefit by walking away.

Freedom1990

My EXAH was like that, charming as hell, and yet capable of switching to indescribable cruelty in a heartbeat.

He continue to call and harass me after I moved away. That was back before caller ID. When my sponsor suggested that I did NOT have to stay on the phone, that I had the option to hang up, I was dumbfounded at the simplicity.

It was hard as hell to hang up that first time, and I immediately felt I had made a huge mistake and needed to call him back to apologize. Fortunately I did not act on that, but sat with the discomfort of doing something new. Each time it got easier to hang up on him. Eventually he quit calling and found another victim who he married. Thank God.

Keep doing the next right thing for yourself!

eveleivibe

If he is harassing you n you can get proof you can get a marker, well in the UK away. Where if you call 999 due to him they'll come put first. Inhad 1 against my ex.