perspective, healing and the holidays
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
perspective, healing and the holidays
I haven't posted in awhile. I have needed a break. My last post, I was pissed. 
My goals have been to ignore this addict father as much as possible.
I thought I would share what I went through yesterday, and how I am slowly learning how to deal with my anger and let it go.
The addict missed his deadline to confirm visitation. I told him he was late, and that I would see him next week. No response. And, I have bent the rules before only to be canceled on 2 hours later. SO, I stick to my boundries. So, a couple days later he emails me that no where in the parenting plan does it say anything about this "deadline". I was furious.
1. He agreed to this "deadline" and has been following it since Sept. 2011.
2. He hasn't been following the plan bc he hasn't paid any debt AND ignores me when aske when he will pay it.
3. He thinks I'm keeping his son away from him. He thinks I am being vindictive. I'm not.
4. He refuses to accept any responsibility for his LACK of responsibility and his inabilty to make visitations. These "deadlines" have been set because of HIS inconsistency and unreliabilty!!!! But, I am being the b&*%^.
poor addict.
and 5... HE OWES ME 2 MONTHS CHILD SUPPORT. I NEED THIS MONEY SO BAD!!!! AND HE DOESN'T CARE!!!! HE IGNORES ME WHEN ASKED WHEN HE WILL PAY IT. ARG!
but, nothing matters to him except what he wants...oh, that should be number 6. It is not fair that he cannot be an adult.
SO, how did I handle this.
What I wanted to do was send an emotional email.
I didn't. Waste of time.
I just sent him the following "It was advised by my lawyer to set up a schedule in Sept. 2011 due to your inconsistency. You have agreed via emial, text and verbally and have been following it since 2011"
But, I was still so angry. I wanted to text him and tell him off. I wanted to punch him. (not really), but I was mad.
I accepted my anger. I was angry, but I pictured balling it up and throwing it away. I envisioned it floating away.
I told myself, he is sick. His words are just words. He is angry. I cannot take it personally.
I began to calm down.
And, instead of me thinking obsessivly about it all night and day, I let it go.
In the grand scheme of things...who cares.
He is my sons father. He is an addict. I cannot let this destroy me anymore.
So, I am healing.
Meanwhile, the holidays are coming. I am so excited. I feel sorry for him. A part of me wants to invite him to thanksgiving, but I just can't. That would be beyond ridiculous. On so many levels. I cannot trust this man. All he does is disappoint. I think back to last year, and where I was at and how far I have come. Around this time last year was when NO CONTACT finally sunk in. NOw, keep in mind, we have a child so absolutely NO CONTACT is not 100%, but I keep it to the point and professional. No emotion. Anywyas, last year I was still destroyed. I remember the holidays without him was hard. This year, I still miss him, but it is 1000 times better. It does get better.
Today I found out that my cousin's wife...45 years old...has cancer. Like die in 2 months cancer. She is a BEAUTIFUL woman. He is a WONDERFUL man. They have 2 super boys. The perfect family, and she is going to die. This put things in perspective. The only thing in the world that means anything to me is my son. I will get through this. I am here for my son. Life is so unpredictable. You can't control it. Enjoy every minute. Think positive thoughts.
So, from dealing with an addict I have learned how to control my temper. I have started to focus on the postive in my life. I have grown up. Thank you Mr. addict. I miss you, but I have grown in a positive way because of you. I am sorry that you are sick, and I wish you health and happiness.
If only he knew that I would always be there for him...if he would just get healthy.
Happy Holidays!
I hope and pray that all of you struggling with an addict can find some sense of happiness....even for just a moment. Life really is too short.
My goals have been to ignore this addict father as much as possible.
I thought I would share what I went through yesterday, and how I am slowly learning how to deal with my anger and let it go.
The addict missed his deadline to confirm visitation. I told him he was late, and that I would see him next week. No response. And, I have bent the rules before only to be canceled on 2 hours later. SO, I stick to my boundries. So, a couple days later he emails me that no where in the parenting plan does it say anything about this "deadline". I was furious.
1. He agreed to this "deadline" and has been following it since Sept. 2011.
2. He hasn't been following the plan bc he hasn't paid any debt AND ignores me when aske when he will pay it.
3. He thinks I'm keeping his son away from him. He thinks I am being vindictive. I'm not.
4. He refuses to accept any responsibility for his LACK of responsibility and his inabilty to make visitations. These "deadlines" have been set because of HIS inconsistency and unreliabilty!!!! But, I am being the b&*%^.
poor addict.
and 5... HE OWES ME 2 MONTHS CHILD SUPPORT. I NEED THIS MONEY SO BAD!!!! AND HE DOESN'T CARE!!!! HE IGNORES ME WHEN ASKED WHEN HE WILL PAY IT. ARG!
but, nothing matters to him except what he wants...oh, that should be number 6. It is not fair that he cannot be an adult.
SO, how did I handle this.
What I wanted to do was send an emotional email.
I didn't. Waste of time.
I just sent him the following "It was advised by my lawyer to set up a schedule in Sept. 2011 due to your inconsistency. You have agreed via emial, text and verbally and have been following it since 2011"
But, I was still so angry. I wanted to text him and tell him off. I wanted to punch him. (not really), but I was mad.
I accepted my anger. I was angry, but I pictured balling it up and throwing it away. I envisioned it floating away.
I told myself, he is sick. His words are just words. He is angry. I cannot take it personally.
I began to calm down.
And, instead of me thinking obsessivly about it all night and day, I let it go.
In the grand scheme of things...who cares.
He is my sons father. He is an addict. I cannot let this destroy me anymore.
So, I am healing.
Meanwhile, the holidays are coming. I am so excited. I feel sorry for him. A part of me wants to invite him to thanksgiving, but I just can't. That would be beyond ridiculous. On so many levels. I cannot trust this man. All he does is disappoint. I think back to last year, and where I was at and how far I have come. Around this time last year was when NO CONTACT finally sunk in. NOw, keep in mind, we have a child so absolutely NO CONTACT is not 100%, but I keep it to the point and professional. No emotion. Anywyas, last year I was still destroyed. I remember the holidays without him was hard. This year, I still miss him, but it is 1000 times better. It does get better.
Today I found out that my cousin's wife...45 years old...has cancer. Like die in 2 months cancer. She is a BEAUTIFUL woman. He is a WONDERFUL man. They have 2 super boys. The perfect family, and she is going to die. This put things in perspective. The only thing in the world that means anything to me is my son. I will get through this. I am here for my son. Life is so unpredictable. You can't control it. Enjoy every minute. Think positive thoughts.
So, from dealing with an addict I have learned how to control my temper. I have started to focus on the postive in my life. I have grown up. Thank you Mr. addict. I miss you, but I have grown in a positive way because of you. I am sorry that you are sick, and I wish you health and happiness.
If only he knew that I would always be there for him...if he would just get healthy.
Happy Holidays!
I hope and pray that all of you struggling with an addict can find some sense of happiness....even for just a moment. Life really is too short.
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