I'm back...(m)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 35
I'm back...(m)
I should have never left here (my last post was in 2010). I read Co-Dependent No More, front to back 2 1/2 years ago. I went back and read my original posts, and boy did I sound strong lol.
No major drinking blow outs on my AH part (he had a run in driving and four state troopers followed him home almost 2 years ago). No DUI at that time, but when he was in his 20's he had several DUI's before we married. He went to AA, was sober for 20 years and we have been married for around 15 years. I believe he has been drinking now for the majority of our marriage (we are in our 40's). I got comfortable and I've ignored the quiet drinking and I haven't done anything about it, and for that, I'm disappointed in myself.
I knew I needed to get back here, because I started obsessing again. Checking debit card receipts, even going as far as looking at a menu to see how much something actually costs for a meal, to do the math that he was indeed drinking. WHY do I have to quietly reconfirm what I already know.
I don't know where this is going, but my 12 yo son mentioned to my 18 yo daughter that he saw a search on Dad's phone for "Grand Haven Bars". So my 12 yo has an inkling even though he has not encountered anything directly (this is my doing, I've protected my 12 yo from the pain).
We are quietly co-existing. I KNOW he drinks. We have a major crisis looming (our brother in law has stage 4 cancer). I need the strength to get through the day to be strong for my kids but I also need to be strong enough to DO SOMETHING about how I'm going to live my life. By doing nothing, I've quietly accepted the fact that I am willing to live with a non-recovering Alcoholic, and I'm mad at myself for doing it.
I just wanted to say hi, I'm back and I don't know where I'm going from here, but I feel like this will be a supportive home for me as I make decisions on how I want to live my life. I think the first thing I need to do is re-read CoDependent No More.
No major drinking blow outs on my AH part (he had a run in driving and four state troopers followed him home almost 2 years ago). No DUI at that time, but when he was in his 20's he had several DUI's before we married. He went to AA, was sober for 20 years and we have been married for around 15 years. I believe he has been drinking now for the majority of our marriage (we are in our 40's). I got comfortable and I've ignored the quiet drinking and I haven't done anything about it, and for that, I'm disappointed in myself.
I knew I needed to get back here, because I started obsessing again. Checking debit card receipts, even going as far as looking at a menu to see how much something actually costs for a meal, to do the math that he was indeed drinking. WHY do I have to quietly reconfirm what I already know.
I don't know where this is going, but my 12 yo son mentioned to my 18 yo daughter that he saw a search on Dad's phone for "Grand Haven Bars". So my 12 yo has an inkling even though he has not encountered anything directly (this is my doing, I've protected my 12 yo from the pain).
We are quietly co-existing. I KNOW he drinks. We have a major crisis looming (our brother in law has stage 4 cancer). I need the strength to get through the day to be strong for my kids but I also need to be strong enough to DO SOMETHING about how I'm going to live my life. By doing nothing, I've quietly accepted the fact that I am willing to live with a non-recovering Alcoholic, and I'm mad at myself for doing it.
I just wanted to say hi, I'm back and I don't know where I'm going from here, but I feel like this will be a supportive home for me as I make decisions on how I want to live my life. I think the first thing I need to do is re-read CoDependent No More.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
Welcome back! You will find that many of us are here with you also trying to figure it out. Today is my 36th anniversary and I'm here trying to sort through it all. My feeling is , it's never too late to start. We're all here to get and hopefully give some wisdom. We all have some as it comes with pain and there isn't one person here that's been spared that emotion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
How is the quality of your relationship? Is he good to you? Are you happy (or would you be if you didn't know about about the drinking?) Is he a good husband and father? Or is he remote, surly, emotionally absent, crabby, missing family events, spending money you don't have, etc...?
I'm not saying to accept it if everything else is good. ALcoholism is progressive always, so even if it's good now, it won't always be. But you have time to figure out what to do.
I'm so sorry you have to come back.
I'm not saying to accept it if everything else is good. ALcoholism is progressive always, so even if it's good now, it won't always be. But you have time to figure out what to do.
I'm so sorry you have to come back.
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
I agree with SadHeart.
Some people are okay with their partner's disease. I am not one of them, but it is because of the attitude that accompanies the drinking. Not because of the drinking itself (although it is causing health issues and all that, but I am talking about relationship-wise).
If the relationship is still good, count your blessings, because it could be so much worse. And you do have time to figure out what to do if it does get worse, which it might, so you don't get stuck without some kind of plan.
Some people are okay with their partner's disease. I am not one of them, but it is because of the attitude that accompanies the drinking. Not because of the drinking itself (although it is causing health issues and all that, but I am talking about relationship-wise).
If the relationship is still good, count your blessings, because it could be so much worse. And you do have time to figure out what to do if it does get worse, which it might, so you don't get stuck without some kind of plan.
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