Trying to come back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Trying to come back
Last time I posted here, about me was in August. I fell off the wagon. Was thinking about getting a dog. Did neither.
I would have had a year if I just waited another 2 - 3 weeks. Didn't happen. I fell off the wagon on 7/14/12. It would have been my 29th year wedding anniversary. Also 2 years prior to that is the date that my ex called a lawyer to divorce me. He wasn't divorcing me because I was an alcoholic, he was divorcing me because he was, and because I left him, and he was pissed at me, because how can you have a relationship, if you are not living together. I went through years and years of abuse with him. Won't go through all of that, will just say that he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me, and then he divorced me, because I left.
Well. last year before I fell off the wagon, I found out that he was living with his "girlfriend", someone, that I had expected that he had been having an affair with for years. That just did me in.
I know, I know ....... he is my ex, so why should I care. I shouldn't, so I am not even going to go there
Ended up, not getting a dog. Dogs are a lot of work, plus I stay at my friends house a lot for weekends, and can't take a dog with me.
So I got 2 kittens. Can always leave a cat overnight, and that's ok. But they were kittens, so I couldn't do that, and began to isolate myself more and more, and the drinking got worse and worse.
I want back what I had when I was 5 months, 6 months..... 11 months sober. I want my life back again, and I need help. I didn't do AA last time, but am considering it this time. It's just that the nearest is 25 miles or more away from me, and sometimes I feel I would do good if I can just force myself to get out of the house. The months that I was sober, I was able to go anywhere without drinking, just as long as I was not alone.
I'm an isolator. Thinking about volunteer work also.
Think I really just need a reason to leave my house, I don't know. All I know is that I am going to do it this time.
I would have had a year if I just waited another 2 - 3 weeks. Didn't happen. I fell off the wagon on 7/14/12. It would have been my 29th year wedding anniversary. Also 2 years prior to that is the date that my ex called a lawyer to divorce me. He wasn't divorcing me because I was an alcoholic, he was divorcing me because he was, and because I left him, and he was pissed at me, because how can you have a relationship, if you are not living together. I went through years and years of abuse with him. Won't go through all of that, will just say that he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me, and then he divorced me, because I left.
Well. last year before I fell off the wagon, I found out that he was living with his "girlfriend", someone, that I had expected that he had been having an affair with for years. That just did me in.
I know, I know ....... he is my ex, so why should I care. I shouldn't, so I am not even going to go there
Ended up, not getting a dog. Dogs are a lot of work, plus I stay at my friends house a lot for weekends, and can't take a dog with me.
So I got 2 kittens. Can always leave a cat overnight, and that's ok. But they were kittens, so I couldn't do that, and began to isolate myself more and more, and the drinking got worse and worse.
I want back what I had when I was 5 months, 6 months..... 11 months sober. I want my life back again, and I need help. I didn't do AA last time, but am considering it this time. It's just that the nearest is 25 miles or more away from me, and sometimes I feel I would do good if I can just force myself to get out of the house. The months that I was sober, I was able to go anywhere without drinking, just as long as I was not alone.
I'm an isolator. Thinking about volunteer work also.
Think I really just need a reason to leave my house, I don't know. All I know is that I am going to do it this time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,500
I'm so glad you came back and posted.
I have to say Volunteer work saved my soul, it really did. My self-esteem was at its lowest and by god's grace I found a volunteer opportunity which changed my life and I met some of the best people I have ever known. I strongly recommend it.
As you see in my avatar, I have two cats and they mean the world to me. I understand how it could become isolating but the loving bond between you and the cats will be priceless.
I hope that you find something that works for you this time and that you continue to post.
I have to say Volunteer work saved my soul, it really did. My self-esteem was at its lowest and by god's grace I found a volunteer opportunity which changed my life and I met some of the best people I have ever known. I strongly recommend it.
As you see in my avatar, I have two cats and they mean the world to me. I understand how it could become isolating but the loving bond between you and the cats will be priceless.
I hope that you find something that works for you this time and that you continue to post.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Lost my post!!!!
Welcome back Amy!
I live in the boonies so have to travel for meetings.
It is worth it.
Glad you got the kitties. Two kitties will be fine. Reconnect with friends and family.
Remember ex was a plonker, not worth you being miserable for!!
It sucks. Even a bad marriage is something one grieves over. Remember, he is no prize.
Welcome back Amy!
I live in the boonies so have to travel for meetings.
It is worth it.
Glad you got the kitties. Two kitties will be fine. Reconnect with friends and family.
Remember ex was a plonker, not worth you being miserable for!!
It sucks. Even a bad marriage is something one grieves over. Remember, he is no prize.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
So glad to see you back here, Amy. We will help you do this - we know you can. You have to be ready, and to really want it - then it will all work out. Sounds like you are ready this time. 
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Glad you are back! I traveled 45 miles one way to meetings 5-6 days a week for 9 months. I looked at the amount of time and effort it took to stay drunk and how much time I burned up going to AA meetings and there was no comparison. All I can say is AA worked when nothing else would.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Thank you all for the welcome back. I just need to figure out something to do different this time. Need to start my own life, but I am afraid to. I did go to an AA meeting last time, just one, I got hit on, I went to a wedding this weekend, I got hit on again, this time it was by someone 17 years younger than me. I'm so afraid to meet people, because men might be involved. (Sorry bout that), but that is how I feel. I don't want another relationship, at least not for another 10 years or so. (I was hurt that badly)
But yet my problem is, I am a people person, but I hide myself away. Sorry if I am really sounding confused, but I am confused.
I just want to be accepted as a person.
This may not be the right place to put this, but at one point I was taking care of a 90 year old man, he could just about walk, but he asked me if I could just lay down naked with him, or to sit on his lap.
I'm afraid of being lonely, but sometimes I think I am more afraid of getting out there again.
Anna your 2 cats are beautiful, once I figure out how to post pics, will post my 2 kittens, I adopted them from the aspca, once was supposed to be euthanized the next week, the other has an eye infection for the last 4 weeks, but they are mine, and they will have the best mommy ever
edited to add this ps: will try to search out woman only meetings
But yet my problem is, I am a people person, but I hide myself away. Sorry if I am really sounding confused, but I am confused.
I just want to be accepted as a person.
This may not be the right place to put this, but at one point I was taking care of a 90 year old man, he could just about walk, but he asked me if I could just lay down naked with him, or to sit on his lap.
I'm afraid of being lonely, but sometimes I think I am more afraid of getting out there again.
Anna your 2 cats are beautiful, once I figure out how to post pics, will post my 2 kittens, I adopted them from the aspca, once was supposed to be euthanized the next week, the other has an eye infection for the last 4 weeks, but they are mine, and they will have the best mommy ever
edited to add this ps: will try to search out woman only meetings
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Amy, you have me laughing!
"No" is a complete sentence.
"No thank you, I am here to get sober."
Take every hit as a compliment and tell the kitties all about it.
Practice being a tough cookie.
Women only meetings are a good idea.
Luckily for me, I scare the bejaysus out of most of the men.
"No" is a complete sentence.
"No thank you, I am here to get sober."
Take every hit as a compliment and tell the kitties all about it.
Practice being a tough cookie.
Women only meetings are a good idea.
Luckily for me, I scare the bejaysus out of most of the men.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
It's not even that I am extremely attractive. I think I am about average, but with a bit tattoo on my head that says I let someone walk all over me for over 27 years, so here I am again.
"Want to take a walk over me again?"
"Want to take a walk over me again?"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 516
Hi Amy, I got hit on a one of my early meetings too and I didn't really know how to handle it because I've never really learned to set boundaries or say no. Gave the guy my number and then spent a week avoiding his calls and texts. Now when I go to meetings, I sit beside women and try to only talk to women. That's not going to last forever but only until I'm a bit better and more secure in myself. We're not trying to offend the men but save ourselves from our disease. If you had a year before, you can do this. xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Amy,
You obviously love cats and dogs....ever thought about volunteering where you got your kitties?
__________________
Kim
I was thinking about this, but where I got the kitties from is 25 miles away. There is an aspca closer to me that I was thinking about. Problem with that is, I might want to take them all home with me (lol), but is still on my list of considerations
Other thing on my list is to volunteer in a hospital with cancer patients, I went through 2 cancers, also a blood clot (dvt), and this may sound strange or even sick, but it was one of the best experiences in my life. I lost all of my hair, and when it started to come in, all the chemo patients wanted to rub my head, so that they could be assured that their hair would come back.
Holly, will get that tattoo off my head asap. Really need to learn that "no" is a complete sentence.
ok, going to make tomorrow my first day again.
You obviously love cats and dogs....ever thought about volunteering where you got your kitties?
__________________
Kim
I was thinking about this, but where I got the kitties from is 25 miles away. There is an aspca closer to me that I was thinking about. Problem with that is, I might want to take them all home with me (lol), but is still on my list of considerations
Other thing on my list is to volunteer in a hospital with cancer patients, I went through 2 cancers, also a blood clot (dvt), and this may sound strange or even sick, but it was one of the best experiences in my life. I lost all of my hair, and when it started to come in, all the chemo patients wanted to rub my head, so that they could be assured that their hair would come back.
Holly, will get that tattoo off my head asap. Really need to learn that "no" is a complete sentence.
ok, going to make tomorrow my first day again.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome back. Don't give up on AA meetings! Women's only meetings are good, but unless you live in a major metropoliton area there won't be enough of them.
I'm a guy, probably about your age, and I wouldn't hit on you. Nothing personal, but I'm there because I'm powerless over alchohol, and I need to be focused on my recovery, not you. Most guys I know feel the same way. Don't let a few idiots keep you from a program of recovery.
I'm a guy, probably about your age, and I wouldn't hit on you. Nothing personal, but I'm there because I'm powerless over alchohol, and I need to be focused on my recovery, not you. Most guys I know feel the same way. Don't let a few idiots keep you from a program of recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm a guy, probably about your age, and I wouldn't hit on you.
Thank you zebra, nicest thing I heard in a really long time !!!!!!! (lol)
Been doing some research, found aa meetings about 12 miles from me, and alanon meetings about 8 miles from me. Might try both, since I had the double, maybe triple whammy.
Thanks everyone for being there. I really feel sure that with all this help and support, I should be able to do it this time
Thank you zebra, nicest thing I heard in a really long time !!!!!!! (lol)
Been doing some research, found aa meetings about 12 miles from me, and alanon meetings about 8 miles from me. Might try both, since I had the double, maybe triple whammy.
Thanks everyone for being there. I really feel sure that with all this help and support, I should be able to do it this time
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