The right place for me to be right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Birchwood
Posts: 3
The right place for me to be right now
I have finally found the right place for online support that I have been searching for when I found the SoberRecovery Community in the sleepless wee hours of this morning. I had been looking at various other support groups for several days since I decided to acknowledge my alcohol addiction and realized I had to do something about it or it will kill me. My Chronic Pancreatitis and my worsening liver damage are not a healthy mix with alcohol but, yet, I continued to drink heavily despite several previous doctor's and GI specialist warnings in the last 2 years.
None of the other support groups that I checked out felt quite right for me. The SoberRecovery Community does feel comfortable and right. So, I'm going to park myself here and do a lot of reading before I jump in and start posting more often.
I staged quite a "pity party" for myself and drank a lot of wine (even for me) on the night of November 4th after an appointment with my doctor earlier that day. I think that I wanted to do it up big one last time before I quit for good and I am ashamed to admit that I do not regret it. My blood lab results showed increasing liver damage compared to when they were last done but thankfully, my pancreas lipase and amylase levels were normal. He urged me to stop playing Russian Roulette with my health and join an AA group, see a psychiatrist, and get counseling for depression. I have an appointment my appointment made to see a psychiatrist on December 12th.
Although my alcoholism actually began far earlier, I usually was able to function somewhat productively. but for about the past 3 or 4 years, I have been using alcohol in combination with my Hydrocodone pain pills for chronic pain to mask or take the edge off. Two years post rotator cuff repair surgery, the pain in my shoulder still keeps getting worse. I've seen all the local specialists with no resolution. My doctor has now agreed to give me a referral to a major in network clinic elsewhere.
During and after my appointment, I felt a great sense of relief that I had begun by openly admitting my alcoholism to myself, my husband, my doctor, and a close friend who came with me for moral support and provided another set of ears and fresh perspective. She told me that she really wants the "old me" back. My husband also has been telling me the same for a long time but it didn't really hit home, until just recently, how badly it was affecting the quality of our relationship. He promises to continue to be my loving, patient, and supportive partner of 42 years but, has admitted to me that there have been many times, in the last couple years, that he didn't like the change that comes over my personality when I am under the influence of alcohol from surreptitiously imbibing ever increasing amounts of wine while taking my normal dose of pain killers. Somewhere along the line, I had started drinking wine in my coffee mug to hide it but it didn't take my husband long to catch on that my mug contained wine and not coffee.
My husband does not think I need to go to AA for support as I begin my recovery. He's convinced I can do this on my own with his help combined with support from family and a select group of friends. I am still considering going to an AA meeting but, living in a very small town (popl. 482), I decided that I would feel uncomfortable going to the local chapter here and I would rather go to a more anonymous meeting in a larger city about a half hour away. I think I do need more support than my husband, family, and friends can give me and I am hoping to find others who have my back and can offer advice here.
I'm having a rough time right now. My husband left this morning to go on a pheasant hunting trip until Friday and I have no one to talk to about the withdrawal cravings that I am having right now. I'm in pain, unable to think clearly right now, and really need to find a way to go to sleep in spite of all this!
None of the other support groups that I checked out felt quite right for me. The SoberRecovery Community does feel comfortable and right. So, I'm going to park myself here and do a lot of reading before I jump in and start posting more often.
I staged quite a "pity party" for myself and drank a lot of wine (even for me) on the night of November 4th after an appointment with my doctor earlier that day. I think that I wanted to do it up big one last time before I quit for good and I am ashamed to admit that I do not regret it. My blood lab results showed increasing liver damage compared to when they were last done but thankfully, my pancreas lipase and amylase levels were normal. He urged me to stop playing Russian Roulette with my health and join an AA group, see a psychiatrist, and get counseling for depression. I have an appointment my appointment made to see a psychiatrist on December 12th.
Although my alcoholism actually began far earlier, I usually was able to function somewhat productively. but for about the past 3 or 4 years, I have been using alcohol in combination with my Hydrocodone pain pills for chronic pain to mask or take the edge off. Two years post rotator cuff repair surgery, the pain in my shoulder still keeps getting worse. I've seen all the local specialists with no resolution. My doctor has now agreed to give me a referral to a major in network clinic elsewhere.
During and after my appointment, I felt a great sense of relief that I had begun by openly admitting my alcoholism to myself, my husband, my doctor, and a close friend who came with me for moral support and provided another set of ears and fresh perspective. She told me that she really wants the "old me" back. My husband also has been telling me the same for a long time but it didn't really hit home, until just recently, how badly it was affecting the quality of our relationship. He promises to continue to be my loving, patient, and supportive partner of 42 years but, has admitted to me that there have been many times, in the last couple years, that he didn't like the change that comes over my personality when I am under the influence of alcohol from surreptitiously imbibing ever increasing amounts of wine while taking my normal dose of pain killers. Somewhere along the line, I had started drinking wine in my coffee mug to hide it but it didn't take my husband long to catch on that my mug contained wine and not coffee.
My husband does not think I need to go to AA for support as I begin my recovery. He's convinced I can do this on my own with his help combined with support from family and a select group of friends. I am still considering going to an AA meeting but, living in a very small town (popl. 482), I decided that I would feel uncomfortable going to the local chapter here and I would rather go to a more anonymous meeting in a larger city about a half hour away. I think I do need more support than my husband, family, and friends can give me and I am hoping to find others who have my back and can offer advice here.
I'm having a rough time right now. My husband left this morning to go on a pheasant hunting trip until Friday and I have no one to talk to about the withdrawal cravings that I am having right now. I'm in pain, unable to think clearly right now, and really need to find a way to go to sleep in spite of all this!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Welcome Hepatica. I tried to stop alcohol in all sorts of ways but failed untill I got help from people who drank like I did and could tell me how they stopped. AA turned out to be the thing that finally worked for me. The whole process was not easy, but I have a few years now and life is good. I hope you find the help you need.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Hepatica and welcome to SR! I'm so glad you found us.
My story is much different from yours. I'm a binge drinker, although towards the end it was 4-5 days a week. I joined AA and I'm finding the independent support crucial. I would suggest going to the one in town.
Post away here & read lots, especially as one of your main supports is away for 4 days. There is always someone about to listen, give advice or just point out things through their own postings.
Warmest wishes
S x
My story is much different from yours. I'm a binge drinker, although towards the end it was 4-5 days a week. I joined AA and I'm finding the independent support crucial. I would suggest going to the one in town.
Post away here & read lots, especially as one of your main supports is away for 4 days. There is always someone about to listen, give advice or just point out things through their own postings.
Warmest wishes
S x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Hepatica 
I'm glad you found us. I would listen to your own feelings on this front. There is a huge benefit to talking to other recovering alcoholics. I have found that with the best intentions in the world, normal drinkers just don't 'get it'. It is lovely that your husband wants to support you but I wouldn't let him dissuade you from going to AA. A quick glance and the friends and family section will prove that all the love and the support in the world can't keep us sober. Other alcoholics on the other hand have this knack of being able to cut through all the crap and excuses we use to drink, because they have done it all themselves. Personally I think it's vital.
Has your doctor given you any advice on quitting? I found it hard to sleep for the first few weeks but it settled down after that and now I have never slept better. It's likely that you will go through some discomfort for a while but it will get better.
Glad you're here x
I'm glad you found us. I would listen to your own feelings on this front. There is a huge benefit to talking to other recovering alcoholics. I have found that with the best intentions in the world, normal drinkers just don't 'get it'. It is lovely that your husband wants to support you but I wouldn't let him dissuade you from going to AA. A quick glance and the friends and family section will prove that all the love and the support in the world can't keep us sober. Other alcoholics on the other hand have this knack of being able to cut through all the crap and excuses we use to drink, because they have done it all themselves. Personally I think it's vital.
Has your doctor given you any advice on quitting? I found it hard to sleep for the first few weeks but it settled down after that and now I have never slept better. It's likely that you will go through some discomfort for a while but it will get better.
Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Welcome to SR. Did you know that alcohol exacerbates inflammation too? You might feel better in that respect as you remain sober.
I dont understand how your husbands opinions dictate your sobriety. If you need to meet with others and connect, please xonsider it.
I dont understand how your husbands opinions dictate your sobriety. If you need to meet with others and connect, please xonsider it.
Member
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 725
hey hypacia , welcome to a bright future!!
i have not gone to aa , but try it , if it works fro you then fab,, if not you can do it on your own too, i have , but only with the help of peeps here, and readint the book, "rational recovery:the new cure for addiction" by jack trimpey,, and i feel thats the path for me to follow,, but you may not!
its all about finding what fits you best,, and going for it.
i wish you well, and hope to see lots of you in the future,, well done hun,, you can do this.
lv and hugs
x cleo xxx
i have not gone to aa , but try it , if it works fro you then fab,, if not you can do it on your own too, i have , but only with the help of peeps here, and readint the book, "rational recovery:the new cure for addiction" by jack trimpey,, and i feel thats the path for me to follow,, but you may not!
its all about finding what fits you best,, and going for it.
i wish you well, and hope to see lots of you in the future,, well done hun,, you can do this.
lv and hugs
x cleo xxx
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Hepatica, for me it was going to AA meetings that made it clear to me that I had finally accepted that I was quitting. Just like anything new, it was a little nervous making at first, but I met some very warm and generous people there. These people had been through what I had been through, they had decided too that they couldn't continue living as they were and that they were going to do something about it.
There are other ways of getting sober, but you should check out AA. It may be what you need to find.
There are other ways of getting sober, but you should check out AA. It may be what you need to find.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
I am new to this site too (although Ive apparently been a member since 2007, I havent actually used it until now). Ive been on it a lot lately though and since I live in the country and am not comfortable in AA meetings, participating here and observing has been very helpful to me. You can do it!! I have faith
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Pleased to meet you, Hepatica. The first few days are rough, but once they're over you never have to go back to that miserable place again. Stay close to SR - posting and reading will help with the anxiety. We all care about you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome to SR! I am closing out day 32 and this website has been my main support. I am also working with a counselor and went to a four week education series through my insurance. I tried two different AA meetings, and met wonderful people, but just didn't feel it was the right fit for me. I like the Women For Sobriety group and also have been doing lots of reading at night when the kiddos are in bed. Here are a few books that I have read so far:
Happy Hours
Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife
Rational Recovery
I just bought Caroline Knapp's Drinking a Love Story and plan on starting that one tonight.
I think the more avenues and people you can find for support the better. Keep reading and posting here, you will find wonderful people!
Happy Hours
Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife
Rational Recovery
I just bought Caroline Knapp's Drinking a Love Story and plan on starting that one tonight.
I think the more avenues and people you can find for support the better. Keep reading and posting here, you will find wonderful people!
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