gnly

I'm writing because I don't feel like getting lectured from my sponsor, otherwise I'd talk to her. I didn't find any other forum that seemed appropriate.

Been in AA for four months...I just started trying to call 2 women and people who I thought were my friend are not, they didn't call me back and I was sure they would. I have been really hurt. Also a friend of mine left the program and didn't even say 'goodbye.' I feel very disheartened. I am fine that several women didn't call me back but I thought 2 of them were my friends. I feel sheepish now, I feel like I put myself out on a platter and got eaten.

It all feels so fake now. I don't even want to go anymore to the same meetings I was going to. Why make me call people to be rejected? I called people to talk with them I just feel hurt and sad and stupid.

LiveLikeGold6

I don't know that I have anything of value to add but I think the reality is that in AA everyone is "sick". So, even though I was told promises of great friendships etc it hasn't been exactly like that. Example, I became what I thought was really good friends with a girl in the program and we went to concerts and comedy shows and a had good times and were planning more events like for my bday coming soon. Long story short she gave me a spiel about how she's really busy and cant take on extra responsibilities right now. I didnt realize hanging out on my bday was a responsibility lol. So my point is friends, good ones, are hard to come by in the program and out. I relapsed this weekend and it got really low, hopefully this doesn't turn into a relapse for u.

TrieBl00d78

Hey there!! I am new here but just saw this. Go for yourself!! Do not go to meetings in hopes of making friends there. If you do make me great. But it is just like life on the outside. You will make real friends and then you will find out that some people aren't so true. Hang in there!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome gnly

I'm not in AA but I find it very important to remind myself that recovery does not need equate with sainthood - people are people...you'll find good ones and bad ones, people really on your wavelength and people who seem to live on Mars....

Look for the people who have something to offer or add something to your recovery - sometimes it takes some looking but it's worth it

D

nogard

Its not about people or oganisations. Dee is right, look for the positive, people you get along with recovery is about life and death, choose life.

Sapling

Hey gnly....I wasn't big on listening to to anyone when I got to AA either...I listened to my sponsor for one reason...My way didn't work. 16 months later living happily without a drinking problem...His way did...His way was the way it's laid out in the Big Book by the way. As far as friendship goes...The more I showed up...The more I was accepted and the more friends I made...It's kind of like school...Or a new job. Give it time...Work the steps...Good things will happen...Or try something else...The nice thing about AA...It's free...And the doors are always open...Whether you're coming in or out.

Natom

I found that in NA, and the occasional AA meeting I have been to it was unwise to get clean time buddies. That is, people that started recovery the same time as you. There is always the chance that whilst you end up with a great friendship they will go back out there. And the only thing you had to connect you was recovery, so you lose a friend. Some people in AA are sick, some are more well. Personally if people ring me I always make sure I answer or ring them back asap if I can't answer there and then.

You find that the winners are always there to answer your phone calls when it is possible for them to do. Some people though, some people just don't. I find it awkward considering the whole point of the program is to help other addicts and alcoholics. Whilst I don't go out of my way to help people I always try to lend a listening ear, because that's what I have been given in the past.

Regarding your sponsor: Listen to them, because what they are doing has worked for them. That's not to say that sponsors don't give crap advice but in my experience the majority of the time what they say is golden. You probably don't want a lecture because NONE of us wanted a lecture but I sure as hell have sat through some in my time. We need to hear it. If your head is saying that you don't want to listen to another lecture from your sponsor then thats your addict talking, you probably don't want the lecture because you just don't want to hear the truth.

I wish you luck in your journey.

Natom.

Sapling

Amen Natom...Stick with the winners...Stay in the herd...If you want what they have...Do what they did.

hypochondriac

I'm really impressed with you Gnly. I never call anyone cos I am a wuss and feel like I'm bothering people. You did exactly what you are supposed to do...

So why not go back to the meetings? You haven't done anything wrong. Your response is classic alcoholic stuff... you feel rejected so you will back away from the thing that is helping you. It's that whole cutting your nose off to spite your face thing, I know it well.

Personally I think you should hold your head up and go back to the same meeting. Tell your sponsor you phoned people but no one responded. How could she lecture you for doing what you're supposed to be doing?

Fandy

Dont let other people's bad behavior and poor social manners affect your well being.
your sponsor should be a form of support, you shouldnt dread talking to her.
you dont need to give others this power over your recovery.