Max's Birthday!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Max's Birthday!
So today is my baby's first birthday. And of course the ABF managed to **** me off.
He got out of rehab wednesday and went right to his sister's house. That is where all the drugs and alcohol are. I hate his sister because she is always trying to break us up and we have enough problems without her getting into it. She has really done some evil stuff to me and I am done with it. So anyway we are having dinner at my mom's to celebrate and he was supposed to call me so i could pick him up. He called me two hours after he was supposed to and said he wasn't coming over because he was afraid of getting arrested.
Now is a good time to mention I have a reatraining order in effect.
BUT he doesn't mind running the risk of getting arrested if I am taking him something, or buying him something, or taking him somewhere he wants to go. But it's not important enough for him to see his own son. Also, my parents hate him and they were gracious enough to allow him in the house when he shouldn't be around anyway.
The sad part is, he isn't drinking. Honestly, he cared more about the kids when he was. I do love him but the only reason why I am still in this fake relationship is because of the kids, and he doesn't even care about them either.
I know he is going to call me tonight and I am going to ignore him. I gave him the chance to be here and celebrate, now he has to live with his choice, which is something he is not used to. I am glad Max is only one, so he does not know what is going on.
I am going to try to not let this ruin my night. I wanted to get to a meeting but I missed it, so I am here instead. Sorry about the typos, I am on my phone.
He got out of rehab wednesday and went right to his sister's house. That is where all the drugs and alcohol are. I hate his sister because she is always trying to break us up and we have enough problems without her getting into it. She has really done some evil stuff to me and I am done with it. So anyway we are having dinner at my mom's to celebrate and he was supposed to call me so i could pick him up. He called me two hours after he was supposed to and said he wasn't coming over because he was afraid of getting arrested.
Now is a good time to mention I have a reatraining order in effect.
BUT he doesn't mind running the risk of getting arrested if I am taking him something, or buying him something, or taking him somewhere he wants to go. But it's not important enough for him to see his own son. Also, my parents hate him and they were gracious enough to allow him in the house when he shouldn't be around anyway.
The sad part is, he isn't drinking. Honestly, he cared more about the kids when he was. I do love him but the only reason why I am still in this fake relationship is because of the kids, and he doesn't even care about them either.
I know he is going to call me tonight and I am going to ignore him. I gave him the chance to be here and celebrate, now he has to live with his choice, which is something he is not used to. I am glad Max is only one, so he does not know what is going on.
I am going to try to not let this ruin my night. I wanted to get to a meeting but I missed it, so I am here instead. Sorry about the typos, I am on my phone.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm confused.
He got out of rehab on Wednesday.
Since Wednesday, you have been taking him things, buying him things and taking him places he wanted to go. Is that correct?
If so, during all those meetings ~ did you have your son with you?
I am also confused as to why you are taking him things, buying him items and taking him places when you have a restraining order in place.
I understand you are angry and have resentments. What were your expectations of his rehab? What outcome did you expect? What were your expectations of this day?
I learned through Alanon that my resentments were based on my own pre meditated expectations. Prior to Alanon, I had expectations of how others were supposed to behave. When they did not meet my expectations, I grew in resentment. Yet, they were doing what they were doing for themselves. It wasn't about me. They were not responsible for meeting my expectations.
He got out of rehab on Wednesday.
Since Wednesday, you have been taking him things, buying him things and taking him places he wanted to go. Is that correct?
If so, during all those meetings ~ did you have your son with you?
I am also confused as to why you are taking him things, buying him items and taking him places when you have a restraining order in place.
I understand you are angry and have resentments. What were your expectations of his rehab? What outcome did you expect? What were your expectations of this day?
I learned through Alanon that my resentments were based on my own pre meditated expectations. Prior to Alanon, I had expectations of how others were supposed to behave. When they did not meet my expectations, I grew in resentment. Yet, they were doing what they were doing for themselves. It wasn't about me. They were not responsible for meeting my expectations.
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No, this was all BEFORE wednesday. Even though there was a restraining order, I had power of attorney and all that, and had to take care of affairs. The police said it was completely legal, because I can talk to him, but he cannot initiate contact with me. #2, it is in the restraining order that he is allowed to see the children and we are allowed to talk about the kids. Because I felt bad that they would go 6 months without seeing him. #3, the order can be dropped now because it was a condition of the order that he go to rehab and when he completes it either one of us can petition to have the order lifted.
I really fought for the stuff I got in this order, apparently it is kind of unorthodox to ask for those types of addendums or whatever you call them. I don't care what anyone else says, but if he decided the day I got the damn order to go to rehab(he was court ordered to do the 90 in 90 thing but went to inpatient instead), I will help him while he is doing it. I will always help him while he is doing the right thing. So yeah, I am not mad that I bought him 3 cartons of cigarettes or clothes or whatever because he was there, because I was supporting him for doing the right thing. What I am mad about is that he would all of a sudden not care about his own child when he told me LAST NIGHT he would be there.
Damn right I expected it, he TOLD me he would be there! Even totally s---faced drunk he never forgot about his own son! I am telling you, I smell his sister all over this. She is doing this to break us up, and this time it is going to work. I am angry that she convinced him that his son is nothing to him, and he is better off without being at his party.
He went to rehab to be a better father. Or so he said. I actually expect him to drink, every day. And every day I am surprised that he hasn't. So what happens if he ends up being an even worse person when there is no alcohol involved?
I really fought for the stuff I got in this order, apparently it is kind of unorthodox to ask for those types of addendums or whatever you call them. I don't care what anyone else says, but if he decided the day I got the damn order to go to rehab(he was court ordered to do the 90 in 90 thing but went to inpatient instead), I will help him while he is doing it. I will always help him while he is doing the right thing. So yeah, I am not mad that I bought him 3 cartons of cigarettes or clothes or whatever because he was there, because I was supporting him for doing the right thing. What I am mad about is that he would all of a sudden not care about his own child when he told me LAST NIGHT he would be there.
Damn right I expected it, he TOLD me he would be there! Even totally s---faced drunk he never forgot about his own son! I am telling you, I smell his sister all over this. She is doing this to break us up, and this time it is going to work. I am angry that she convinced him that his son is nothing to him, and he is better off without being at his party.
He went to rehab to be a better father. Or so he said. I actually expect him to drink, every day. And every day I am surprised that he hasn't. So what happens if he ends up being an even worse person when there is no alcohol involved?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
InPieces,
Rehab is not a magic bullet.
There is a saying in the rooms: You know what you have when a drunken horse thief gets sober? A sober horse thief.
Since he is still in early sobriety, he has a lot of work still to do. He has only been out facing the real world as a sober adult for 4 days. He has a long road ahead of him.
How about you?
How is your own sobriety going?
You mentioned when he went into Rehab that you both had to attend Domestic Violence counseling. Did you benefit from the sessions?
And you also mentioned that you were going to get Anger Managment counseling and counseling for your 5 year old.
How are things improving in your lives?
Rehab is not a magic bullet.
There is a saying in the rooms: You know what you have when a drunken horse thief gets sober? A sober horse thief.
Since he is still in early sobriety, he has a lot of work still to do. He has only been out facing the real world as a sober adult for 4 days. He has a long road ahead of him.
How about you?
How is your own sobriety going?
You mentioned when he went into Rehab that you both had to attend Domestic Violence counseling. Did you benefit from the sessions?
And you also mentioned that you were going to get Anger Managment counseling and counseling for your 5 year old.
How are things improving in your lives?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
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I can understand why you want to blame the sister - because that gives you an option not to blame him.
Sister can't make him do or not do anything anymore than you can or anyone else. Even more disturbing is he just completed rehab and is staying somewhere that drugs and alcohol are readily available....are you kidding me???
Perhaps until you know what is going to happen it may be best to leave the protective order in place - it does allow you to have some contact.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I can hear much frustration and I am guessing you thought things would be different once he got out of Rehab.
best wishes and take care of yourself!
Sister can't make him do or not do anything anymore than you can or anyone else. Even more disturbing is he just completed rehab and is staying somewhere that drugs and alcohol are readily available....are you kidding me???
Perhaps until you know what is going to happen it may be best to leave the protective order in place - it does allow you to have some contact.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I can hear much frustration and I am guessing you thought things would be different once he got out of Rehab.
best wishes and take care of yourself!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Actually, I want him to be somewhere that drugs are accessible, because he will have to deal with it eventually. Alcohol is everywhere, so he better get used to it now if he ever wants to be sober. That took me like 4 days to come to that conclusion.
Also, he seems to get the sister-in-the-middle thing better when I am not involved.
As a matter of fact he called me from someone's phone to tell me they are all mad at him. I said too bad and hung up the phone. I didn't really expect things to be different in general but I am angry that he didn't care about Max on his birthday. That's all, but it is enough to make me rethink the entire relationship.
Also, he seems to get the sister-in-the-middle thing better when I am not involved.
As a matter of fact he called me from someone's phone to tell me they are all mad at him. I said too bad and hung up the phone. I didn't really expect things to be different in general but I am angry that he didn't care about Max on his birthday. That's all, but it is enough to make me rethink the entire relationship.
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