Change4Better

This Friday night thing is really really big for me. I'm fine until after work Friday and then I dunno what happens. I don't even hesitate to drink. I don't have that 'you really shouldn't do this' voice...it's like all the hangovers and embarrassments don't exist in my past and that first drink is my first one ever!

My brain tells an entirely different story on Sunday morning, though. I stop altogether and recuperate and nurse that 'what the heck just happened' or more specifically the feeling. I look forward to feeling good again, amd I do about Wednesday or so, and then the cycle repeats.

What does this mean? I feel like such a hypocrite even posting or having an account on this site. I'm laying here thinking obviously I must not really want to stop drinking or this wouldn't be happening over and over, but I know that can't be true....I don't want to feel like this ever again! Arggghghghghggh.

YoungAndClean

Your not alone, all of us have gone through what you are feeling. I remember the days when Friday or the evenings would roll around and I would always drink without hesitation. I think going to AA, and getting into drugs, and just learning more about recovery & addiction built up that liittle voice in my head that says, 'this is wrong maybe i shouldn't be doing this.' Change4Better you can achieve longterm sobriety but only if you make a decision to stay sober and stick with it, doing whatever necessary along the way to reinforce your decision. If quiting altogether is too much to ask then try some controlled drinking. Limit yourself to 1-2 drinks and then stop there. Do that until either you find out you can moderate your drinking with ease and without the phenomenon of craving, or until your realize wow I never drink 1 glass of wine, or just 1 beer like I always tell myself I will when I'm sober. If you have a drinking problem don't ignore it, you want to nip this thing in the butt, trust me.

MidnightBlue

Change4Better, sorry about you Friday. You are not a hypocrite, you are addicted. There were times I wanted to crash my head because I had not idea what's going on and why in the hell it happened again.

What's you Friday routine? Do you have booze at home? Or just go to a store or a bar? Are you planning your Friday ahead to stay away from alcohol? How does it happen?

Jen31

Hi, Change. We appear to be in the same boat. I was on day 10 and ended up drinking yesterday. I'm dog sitting for my mother and her house is (was) loaded with alcohol. I caved. Drank 14 beers and a shot of vodka. Last night I woke at 3am with the worst headache and upset stomach of my life!! Usually have have the dizzy feeling from drinking, but not this time. I was miserable. I couldn't lay down, sit, stand, etc without it hurting. I got sick so many times (which did not help my head at all).
I'm embarrassed to say I'm starting day one again today, but at least I've picked myself up and I'm going strong today!!
Good luck to you. Maybe you and I could keep in touch each day so we can give each other that kick inthe fanny we apparently need.
Take care!

john44

What does it mean? Well, from what you've post, you seem to have a couple of the attributes of alcoholism. You sound like you don't want to drink, yet you do. You sound like you're not controlling your drinking. Do you want to quit? If you do and find you can't, I'd recommend help such as AA, AVRT or many others.

If you are indeed alcoholic, it will get worse, make no mistake about it. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease. Oh and before it kills us, it devastates every single aspect of our live.

ClearLight

Change4Better-

You just described perfectly what has happened to me almost every night on the way home from work.
Sometimes I drink more and sometimes I drink less.
Folks on this board have suggested changing my routine and that's what I'm going to do.
It was also suggested I have a plan for what I'm going to do in the evening - I'm going to try that one too.
AA Meetings could help too --- doink!
Good luck!

Change4Better

Usually a bar. Then hubby meets me with alcohol in the car for the 'after-bar' drinks. Then we both get plastered and stumble up to bed after noisily playing music and talking/laughing/singing. Unless I go overboard before I leave the bar....that's when things go south fast!!

I did have one sober weekend under my belt in early Sept. I went to an AA mtg and then a halal restaurant for dinner because I knew there would be no alcohol there. I felt good all weekend, but I didn't like the meeting I went to so never went back :-(

solstice3

Jen, I too drank yesterday on day 10 - posted about it in the November Class thread. Back on day 1 again, getting right back to it feels better than wallowing in guilt and continuing to drink. I hope to see you here everyday also.