lilgolden73

Major rough weekend for me, anxiety levels were outta control. As if that wasn't enough, my bestie and I fought the entire weekend! We were BOTH hateful with the things we said and I feel terrible. I was a happy drunk, it just physically wasn't good for me....sigh....and BOO!!!

Anyhow, I contemplated drinking, thought it through and didn't do it, but I wanted too! I so wish just not drinking would answer my troubles, but unfortunetly they were just masked by alcohol and had nothing to do with alcohol itself.

I am physically drained for some reason, it's been 30+ days and I feel terrible physically, I cleaned my house all day yesterday to keep busy and exhausted myself, which probably didn't help matters, then I went off on my bestie because we were 10 minutes late for a movie I really wanted to see (the argument escalated, we didn not see the movie). I think I am deep down not a nice person, which is why I drank, it made me the little part of me that could be nice bigger....sigh....

Ok, off to get ready for church.....I need to beg for forgiveness for riding around on my broomstick all weekend

HAppy SUnday!

Pondlady

I'm willing to bet, deep down, you really ARE a nice person. Alcohol blurs the sharp edges of our personalities......it also allowed me to "chill" over problems.

It is frustrating to learn new ways to cope....but we can do it

Elisabeth888

Hang in there!

lilgolden73

Thanks guys...it's a rough patch...tired of feeling like this!

SASA

It will get better. Uos and down are normal phases in life. And I am sure youa re a very nice person, you just need to find your way, as we all do.....

Scolova

Make sure you get as much rest as you can in the first few months, things 'up there' are healing and your mood will swing hard. Not easy I know, but sleep, meditation and working on your recovery (yourself) are great in the first 90 days.
Best Wishes.

Itchy

Sounds to me like you are getting a grip on it. We all get a bit testy now and then in sobriety until we learn to see it coming and not act on the temper tantrum. Not too tough, just challenging for all of us. Congrats on the 30+ days!

Blondie0419

I've found myself being short with people, people I have never had an issue with before. I think a lot if stuff I used to just take and not think about and now that I am taking better care of myself I am standing up more for myself. I have found a few friendships that I really cherish and appreciate and a few I am not wanting to move forward with anymore.

lilgolden73

I know what you mean blonde! Good friends are hard to find....I know this well, hence the knives in my back!

Twenties

I'm sure you will come around. And I'm sure you're a really nice person deep down. moods and emotions swing for me too, and I've had problems this past week with self identity etc, hang in there and good luck!

lilgolden73

Thanks! It's a beautiful day here in the country and I feel like doo doo!

escapist

Sorry you feel so down. I feel like number 2 too. Tomorrow will finish week 4. 28 days. The past few days my head was so messed up I could'nt figure out how long I had been sober. It got so bad I looked up confusion and alcoholism . I convinced myself I had past the point of redemption and would spend the rest of my life in a cognitve quagmire. OK so I can count again. I think you're nice. Your posts come off warm and genuine. I believe you are going to make it.

lilgolden73

Thanks so much! I feel a little better now, too bad the weekend is over

Hevyn

Hi Lola - glad you shared your feelings here. It always helped relieve my anxiety in the early days. You're still growing and changing as you adjust to your new life - it's normal.
It's hard to imagine you aren't nice - I don't buy it.

Lionhearted1

Yeh I know all about being short tempered sometimes when sober and overly genorous when drunk... Well done on 30 days you sound like a nice peron to me!!

Delilah1

Hi Lola,

You always have positive responses to posts on here. Sorry your weekend was so crummy, the good news is you have another one in five days!!!

Hang in there.

Toss

Lola,

One of my justifications for continuing drinking was that it made me more calm. Without alcohol I can be very short and impatient. This time I try to think ahead and not get worked up and anxious (really hard to change that behavior).

I have been taking naps anytime I can. The extra rest has been helping, especially with the irratibility.

Hang in there, no real advice, just want you to know that I am in the same phase as you and drinking is not the answer.

Toss

lilgolden73

Thanks everyone! Its hard getting through life without "chemical help" as I used to refer to it.....sigh

Pondlady

Wishing our week end had another day! Sorry you felt so crummy this week end. I'm feeling a little better, although anxiety is bothering me at night

lilgolden73

yeah PL...anxiety is always bad for me in the evenings...boo