I'm having a meltdown!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
I'm having a meltdown!
I've made so many positive changes in my life and I've managed to survive them all but there's always one thing that comes along and just blows you away emotionally. That happened to me this morning. I'm just so hurt right now.
I've finally managed to put myself in a place to make an appointment with an attorney. I've managed to persuade my in denial AH that if living with me is the reason for his drinking, it's time for him to move on. I've taken tiny baby steps to get myself out and move towards some inner understanding and maybe some real happiness.
My daughter has not been very supportive in all of this. Denial works well for her too despite the fact when she called my tenant to find out if "I was exaggerating", he pretty much told her what she did't want to hear....the truth.
Well, here's what just blew me away. We always go to her house Christmas morning for breakfast and watch the grand kids open their presents. Well, this tradition is not happening this year. She isn't sure how AH and I will behave. I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted. I feel I'm being punished for trying to make some positive changes in my life...for trying to take care of me. Wow! This one hurt.
I've finally managed to put myself in a place to make an appointment with an attorney. I've managed to persuade my in denial AH that if living with me is the reason for his drinking, it's time for him to move on. I've taken tiny baby steps to get myself out and move towards some inner understanding and maybe some real happiness.
My daughter has not been very supportive in all of this. Denial works well for her too despite the fact when she called my tenant to find out if "I was exaggerating", he pretty much told her what she did't want to hear....the truth.
Well, here's what just blew me away. We always go to her house Christmas morning for breakfast and watch the grand kids open their presents. Well, this tradition is not happening this year. She isn't sure how AH and I will behave. I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted. I feel I'm being punished for trying to make some positive changes in my life...for trying to take care of me. Wow! This one hurt.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry that you are hurting this morning. (((hugs)))
Some adult children take the separation of their birth parents hard.
I hope that she takes the time to see the positive changes in your life, and changes her mind.
Some adult children take the separation of their birth parents hard.
I hope that she takes the time to see the positive changes in your life, and changes her mind.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Sending you big hugs.
There is plenty of time before Christmas, your daughter may have made a knee jerk reaction. It sounds as though she didn't really know the full scope of the situation, so it may take her some time to grasp it entirely.
There is plenty of time before Christmas, your daughter may have made a knee jerk reaction. It sounds as though she didn't really know the full scope of the situation, so it may take her some time to grasp it entirely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
This is a terrible thing for you, so very very sorry.
Maybe she did believe your tenant, and got scared.
Could you suggest that you and your AH come to her house separately at different times on Christmas to see your grandchildren? That's what will happen, most likely, if you divorce.
Maybe a less painful way to think of it will be to talk with your daughter about starting some new traditions.
Thinking of you,
ShootingStar1
Maybe she did believe your tenant, and got scared.
Could you suggest that you and your AH come to her house separately at different times on Christmas to see your grandchildren? That's what will happen, most likely, if you divorce.
Maybe a less painful way to think of it will be to talk with your daughter about starting some new traditions.
Thinking of you,
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Aw 
I'm so sorry that your daughter can't see that you are just taking care of yourself and doing what you need to in order to be happy. It feels like a smack in the face when we do the right things and are met with huge obstacles like this.
Perhaps you can go out to lunch with her and talk to her? If anything your AH shouldn't be allowed to come, not you! I like the suggestion above that maybe you can both come at different times through out the day. She might have a certain scenario playing in her head of what she thinks will happen that morning and is trying to protect her children. I would sit down and talk to her and see what her fears are and maybe you two can work something out so you don't have to miss christmas morning with your grandkids.
Don't let this stop you from doing the things that you need to do in order to be happy and in a good place. The most you can do is talk to your daughter, and there is still a good amount of time before christmas day for her to change her mind or for you to talk it out and come up with a solution.
I hope that everything works outs for you Just keep focusing on you.
hugs
Maylie
I'm so sorry that your daughter can't see that you are just taking care of yourself and doing what you need to in order to be happy. It feels like a smack in the face when we do the right things and are met with huge obstacles like this.Perhaps you can go out to lunch with her and talk to her? If anything your AH shouldn't be allowed to come, not you! I like the suggestion above that maybe you can both come at different times through out the day. She might have a certain scenario playing in her head of what she thinks will happen that morning and is trying to protect her children. I would sit down and talk to her and see what her fears are and maybe you two can work something out so you don't have to miss christmas morning with your grandkids.
Don't let this stop you from doing the things that you need to do in order to be happy and in a good place. The most you can do is talk to your daughter, and there is still a good amount of time before christmas day for her to change her mind or for you to talk it out and come up with a solution.
I hope that everything works outs for you
Just keep focusing on you.hugs
Maylie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
Thanks for the great support! Yesterday was such an emotional day and I survived. Yeah! On top of the issue with my daughter,My AH went to look at a mobile home for sale. I think he thought I would beg him not to go. Guess whAt, I'm at the "I 'll help you pack" stage of my life. While he was with the realtor , he called me and sweetly asked how much he had to put down as a down payment. He has a great job but we all know what he spends his money on. Such sweetness and manipulation ! My sweet answer was , "How much do you have saved?" It was such an effort for him to continue the sweet act.
When he returned home, he wanted me to go on line and get his credit report. My answer to him was "I'm sorry but you are going to have to learn to do those things for yourself."
I've learned a lot from your stories. I'm getting stronger. It still hurts but I Will survive.
The saga continues but many of you have experienced worse. Checked the checking account this afternoon (I still have some things to work on) and he withdrew lots of cash. (For an afternoon of drinking, I'm sure)
This is hard but I need the drama to end. I need peace for myself. My family is just going to have to figure it out...I've got enough trying to figure my part out.
Thanks everyone.
When he returned home, he wanted me to go on line and get his credit report. My answer to him was "I'm sorry but you are going to have to learn to do those things for yourself."
I've learned a lot from your stories. I'm getting stronger. It still hurts but I Will survive.
The saga continues but many of you have experienced worse. Checked the checking account this afternoon (I still have some things to work on) and he withdrew lots of cash. (For an afternoon of drinking, I'm sure)
This is hard but I need the drama to end. I need peace for myself. My family is just going to have to figure it out...I've got enough trying to figure my part out.
Thanks everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Originally Posted by grammyb 
This is hard but I need the drama to end. I need peace for myself. My family is just going to have to figure it out...I've got enough trying to figure my part out.
Yeah for you and starting a new chapter in your life. Not everything will fall into place and be all rosy at first but healing will begin to start with your new life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
What a terrible blow. But be supportive of your daughter. She grew up in an alcoholic household and has issues from it. You were in denial for a long time, so you can understand her being in denial. Family members don't all just wake up from denial all at once.
I did think it was a little out of line for her to call your tenant and ask questions about your. That's boundary-crossing behavior, sort of verging on control issues. (Although i know you cannot at this time confront her about it--it's just something to be aware of about her, so consider what you tell her and how much you involve her in your divorce).
Will you be seeing the grandchildren at all on Xmas or are you just going to miss the present opening? If you aren't going to see the grandchildren at all, then arrange a time for you alone without your STBX to take over their Xmas gifts to them and maybe share Xmas cookies.
I bet next year you will be watching them open Xmas gifts again. Change is hard and scary and unpredictable; your daughter's trying to limit the damage to her and her family if any. When she sees that you are strong and cheerful and accepting of her, she'll relax. It will all work out.
As for the money, get that separated and settled ASAP.
I did think it was a little out of line for her to call your tenant and ask questions about your. That's boundary-crossing behavior, sort of verging on control issues. (Although i know you cannot at this time confront her about it--it's just something to be aware of about her, so consider what you tell her and how much you involve her in your divorce).
Will you be seeing the grandchildren at all on Xmas or are you just going to miss the present opening? If you aren't going to see the grandchildren at all, then arrange a time for you alone without your STBX to take over their Xmas gifts to them and maybe share Xmas cookies.
I bet next year you will be watching them open Xmas gifts again. Change is hard and scary and unpredictable; your daughter's trying to limit the damage to her and her family if any. When she sees that you are strong and cheerful and accepting of her, she'll relax. It will all work out.
As for the money, get that separated and settled ASAP.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by choublak
Credit report? Sounds like things will be hitting the fan (for him).
I'm glad you're handling this well.
I'm glad you're handling this well.
Good for you for telling him to do it himself!
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by grammyb
I've made so many positive changes in my life and I've managed to survive them all but there's always one thing that comes along and just blows you away emotionally. That happened to me this morning. I'm just so hurt right now.
I've finally managed to put myself in a place to make an appointment with an attorney. I've managed to persuade my in denial AH that if living with me is the reason for his drinking, it's time for him to move on. I've taken tiny baby steps to get myself out and move towards some inner understanding and maybe some real happiness.
My daughter has not been very supportive in all of this. Denial works well for her too despite the fact when she called my tenant to find out if "I was exaggerating", he pretty much told her what she did't want to hear....the truth.
Well, here's what just blew me away. We always go to her house Christmas morning for breakfast and watch the grand kids open their presents. Well, this tradition is not happening this year. She isn't sure how AH and I will behave. I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted. I feel I'm being punished for trying to make some positive changes in my life...for trying to take care of me. Wow! This one hurt.
I've finally managed to put myself in a place to make an appointment with an attorney. I've managed to persuade my in denial AH that if living with me is the reason for his drinking, it's time for him to move on. I've taken tiny baby steps to get myself out and move towards some inner understanding and maybe some real happiness.
My daughter has not been very supportive in all of this. Denial works well for her too despite the fact when she called my tenant to find out if "I was exaggerating", he pretty much told her what she did't want to hear....the truth.
Well, here's what just blew me away. We always go to her house Christmas morning for breakfast and watch the grand kids open their presents. Well, this tradition is not happening this year. She isn't sure how AH and I will behave. I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted. I feel I'm being punished for trying to make some positive changes in my life...for trying to take care of me. Wow! This one hurt.
i am sorry you are going through this and i am saddened to hear of how your daughter is responding to all of this. sadly there are some people who just dont "see" it even if theyve been around it they continue to deny its existence. my mother inlaw is like that with my ah. she knows of its problem but finds ways to deny and blame. sometimes its leaving them to their own.
speak to your daughter and ask her if you can just stop by for a little exchange gifts etc and youll be on your way. do not fight her on it...no point and it may make her be even more in denial and post blame on the situation my only advice is to keep strong and be the bigger person and allow your soon to be ex? ...to be the one to show your daughter whats really going on.
god bless you grammyb
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
