Wife of struggling alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
Wife of struggling alcoholic
Hi all... I am the wife of an alcoholic struggling to recover.
He was a raging alcoholic until 5.5 years ago when he went to rehab and got himself completely sober. This was way before we met. When we met, he was sober. So I never knew the signs. Then, he decided to drink again after we got married... I had no idea that he was drinking. He always had very good reasons for why he was out, and I always gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was otherwise a wonderful husband and dad. And as I said, I didn't know the signs.
He realised one day that it was me or alcohol - - I was prepared to leave him and never look back, and he knew I meant it. So he decided to quit again once and for all. We went to see a doctor specialised in addictions and we came up with a programme for him to follow.
So far, so good. He's not touched a single drink for 2 weeks. Fast forward to today, he confessed to me that he drank a can of beer. Initially he lied to me and made up different stories and of course, strongly denied that he drank. I made it very clear to him the last time that if he ever lied to me again, he'd be out of my life forever.
Obviously I love him, otherwise I wouldn't have married him or have children with him. I also went to a few meetings with him and he knew that I would support him regardless.
I feel so hurt right now I don't know what to think. He's totally betrayed my trust (just as I was beginning to think I could trust him again) and I don't know what to do.
Sorry for rambling...
He was a raging alcoholic until 5.5 years ago when he went to rehab and got himself completely sober. This was way before we met. When we met, he was sober. So I never knew the signs. Then, he decided to drink again after we got married... I had no idea that he was drinking. He always had very good reasons for why he was out, and I always gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was otherwise a wonderful husband and dad. And as I said, I didn't know the signs.
He realised one day that it was me or alcohol - - I was prepared to leave him and never look back, and he knew I meant it. So he decided to quit again once and for all. We went to see a doctor specialised in addictions and we came up with a programme for him to follow.
So far, so good. He's not touched a single drink for 2 weeks. Fast forward to today, he confessed to me that he drank a can of beer. Initially he lied to me and made up different stories and of course, strongly denied that he drank. I made it very clear to him the last time that if he ever lied to me again, he'd be out of my life forever.
Obviously I love him, otherwise I wouldn't have married him or have children with him. I also went to a few meetings with him and he knew that I would support him regardless.
I feel so hurt right now I don't know what to think. He's totally betrayed my trust (just as I was beginning to think I could trust him again) and I don't know what to do.
Sorry for rambling...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
We all lie(d). We are/were sick. When our alcoholism kicks in, we could be standing before God and the Perly Gates and would lie. It isn't personal. You have to know that and believe it, to give him the benefit of the doubt. That said, you sound incredible! Supportive, yet firm. That will help him see what he is giving up. You absolutely shouldn't compromise or change your values, just don't doubt his commitment or resolve towards you based on his drinking or lying. They are unrelated...right now he can't distinguish right frim wrong. You are a great guard rail with a bright line boundary! Keep the faith, you rock!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
DrunkTX - thank you! I needed to hear that. I was/am confused how he could lie to me when he kept telling me how much he loved me.
I need to remember it is not personal, and that loving me, but lying to me about his drinking are not related.
I feel very enlightened!
Sugarbear, thanks, but I don't live in the US....
I need to remember it is not personal, and that loving me, but lying to me about his drinking are not related.
I feel very enlightened!
Sugarbear, thanks, but I don't live in the US....
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 590
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