Please Help Me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Youngstown, OH
Posts: 7
Please Help Me.
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Hello. I just need to talk to someone about my boyfriends crack addiction. He did not start out this way. When I first met him [1yr 8 months ago]. He wasnt into drugs or anything like that. He was living in his own apartment, and had his own job. Hes a really great guy, and hes a sweet heart. He loves me very very much. He has ambitions, and goals for his future. We fell in love really fast. It was like a dream come true.
When he started doing it. I didn't notice it at first. I actually did not find out he was doing it. Until my brother told me. He didnt do it until he hung out with my brother a couple times. He told me that he tried it with my bro. So when I found that out. I was shocked and dissapointed. Because he ended up stealing from my parents. He always wanted money from me. His pay checks at work were just dissapearing, and I could never figure out why. It just started as no big deal. He was doing it once a week, or every other week. Then he would go a month or two off of it. We've been kicked out of my moms house. And during that time he didnt do it.. it was a month, and then we moved in with his mom. She kicked us out.. I later found out why. So then we lived with his friend. I thought everything was okay, because he was away from it. But it turns out his friend was a user, and hes been on it for 5 years. We lived with them for 3 months. I didnt find out he was on it again, until he lied to me about paying for a lawyer. I had 800 dollars. He and his friends used it all for crack. Now by then I was dating him for 9 months.. so I loved him alot. And i knew his problem wasnt serious. I found out I was pregnant with my now 3 months old son. So I didnt want to leave. I knew he could fight it. And he wanted to fight it. and stop. So for christmas my parents forgave us/him and let us move back in. I thought it was going to be better. It was at first... he went a month or two without it.. and then started back up. He was doing it on and off during my pregnancy. He told me he wants to stop.. and I told him I love him and he needed to stop. And that I am here to help him in any way possible. My parents found out he was doing it again... we actually gave my mother his crack pipes. She told him to get help. He cried, because he didnt want to be kicked out, but wanted the help real bad. He called a few rehab clinics. None of them would just help him. They all needed insurance. And he doesnt have any. So finally. we got kicked out again.. we moved in with his mom again and he was off of it for another month or so.. But i dont know why. He does sooo good, and then relapse. Doesnt help that he was hanging out with that friend of his again. But I had my son in August and he hadnt smoked it since like.. 3 weeks ago.. Now hes done it.. every day for 2 weeks straight... He used all my money. Like I know I should leave him. But I can't. I love him so much. Ive seen him at his lowest points. And Ive seen him at his hightest. I know he has it in him. And I wish so much he could just kick this addiction, because I hate this drug. I hate how it has a hold of such a good person. We have a son now. 3 months old. Sometimes I feel like he cares more about crack then his family. Ive threatened him manys times, as of recently that I'm going to up & leave. Cause Im sick of dealing with all this crap. Its too stressfull. But a part of me. Love him so much. and i want to help him. Today he went all day without it.. he tried so hard.. granted.. he was very moody, and irritated.. and angry. And when I know hes trying to get it.. I follow him, or ask him who hes texting or calling.. and I guess it bothers him alot. But I dont know what to do. He just came back to me, and said he got some.. now. There goes one sober day. The bad part about all of this. Is his dealer lives right down the street. I know which house and everything. I seriously want to put that person in jail. A beautiful family.. may be destroyed.. or a beautiful person may be lost over this drug. I need to talk to someone.. who has used before.. or have him talk to someone.. because he has mentioned to me he wants to speak with a counselor.. or someone who has been through it. Please help me i need advice.
[/B]
When he started doing it. I didn't notice it at first. I actually did not find out he was doing it. Until my brother told me. He didnt do it until he hung out with my brother a couple times. He told me that he tried it with my bro. So when I found that out. I was shocked and dissapointed. Because he ended up stealing from my parents. He always wanted money from me. His pay checks at work were just dissapearing, and I could never figure out why. It just started as no big deal. He was doing it once a week, or every other week. Then he would go a month or two off of it. We've been kicked out of my moms house. And during that time he didnt do it.. it was a month, and then we moved in with his mom. She kicked us out.. I later found out why. So then we lived with his friend. I thought everything was okay, because he was away from it. But it turns out his friend was a user, and hes been on it for 5 years. We lived with them for 3 months. I didnt find out he was on it again, until he lied to me about paying for a lawyer. I had 800 dollars. He and his friends used it all for crack. Now by then I was dating him for 9 months.. so I loved him alot. And i knew his problem wasnt serious. I found out I was pregnant with my now 3 months old son. So I didnt want to leave. I knew he could fight it. And he wanted to fight it. and stop. So for christmas my parents forgave us/him and let us move back in. I thought it was going to be better. It was at first... he went a month or two without it.. and then started back up. He was doing it on and off during my pregnancy. He told me he wants to stop.. and I told him I love him and he needed to stop. And that I am here to help him in any way possible. My parents found out he was doing it again... we actually gave my mother his crack pipes. She told him to get help. He cried, because he didnt want to be kicked out, but wanted the help real bad. He called a few rehab clinics. None of them would just help him. They all needed insurance. And he doesnt have any. So finally. we got kicked out again.. we moved in with his mom again and he was off of it for another month or so.. But i dont know why. He does sooo good, and then relapse. Doesnt help that he was hanging out with that friend of his again. But I had my son in August and he hadnt smoked it since like.. 3 weeks ago.. Now hes done it.. every day for 2 weeks straight... He used all my money. Like I know I should leave him. But I can't. I love him so much. Ive seen him at his lowest points. And Ive seen him at his hightest. I know he has it in him. And I wish so much he could just kick this addiction, because I hate this drug. I hate how it has a hold of such a good person. We have a son now. 3 months old. Sometimes I feel like he cares more about crack then his family. Ive threatened him manys times, as of recently that I'm going to up & leave. Cause Im sick of dealing with all this crap. Its too stressfull. But a part of me. Love him so much. and i want to help him. Today he went all day without it.. he tried so hard.. granted.. he was very moody, and irritated.. and angry. And when I know hes trying to get it.. I follow him, or ask him who hes texting or calling.. and I guess it bothers him alot. But I dont know what to do. He just came back to me, and said he got some.. now. There goes one sober day. The bad part about all of this. Is his dealer lives right down the street. I know which house and everything. I seriously want to put that person in jail. A beautiful family.. may be destroyed.. or a beautiful person may be lost over this drug. I need to talk to someone.. who has used before.. or have him talk to someone.. because he has mentioned to me he wants to speak with a counselor.. or someone who has been through it. Please help me i need advice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Jus - it's just a quiet time on the forum 
I'm sorry for your situation.
I have no advice except to say that living with an active addict is no picnic, and it doesn't get better.
I'm ashamed to admit it,. but my first allegiance was always to my drug of choice and my loved ones second.
If you're not prepared to leave him you should be aware that you and your child are going to be for.
Have you thought of going to NarAnon at all?
I see you've found our Family and Friends forums too - there's a lot of experience and support down there as well
D
I'm sorry for your situation.
I have no advice except to say that living with an active addict is no picnic, and it doesn't get better.
I'm ashamed to admit it,. but my first allegiance was always to my drug of choice and my loved ones second.
If you're not prepared to leave him you should be aware that you and your child are going to be for.
Have you thought of going to NarAnon at all?
I see you've found our Family and Friends forums too - there's a lot of experience and support down there as well
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 22
JustBeYurself: I'm sorry for what you are going through. I can only speak through my experience, I'm not an expert on addiction and what happens to everyone. I only know what I went through, and I honestly wish I could take back every day I sat around and waited for it to get better. Once my ex-addict-bf and I broke up initially I thought that I wasn't going to wait around, either he would get better or wouldn't and if he did then maybe we could start over because living with them is so hectic. I didn't get kicked out of where we were living because I was helping with 1/2 of the rent, but I did spend many nights not sleeping in my own bed because I would runaway to my parents or be mad on the couch. If I could go back I would have taken things for what they were. Realized that if he wasn't going to meetings, and he wasn't getting help it wasn't worth my breath to stick around. My ex wasn't honest with me when he was sober and when he wasn't. I was almost always under the impression he was sober after he had confessed to me that he was a struggling with drugs. I would take into great consideration what life is ahead of you and your child if you stay living in that situation. It sounds like your in great need of some stability. Everyone giving me advice keeps telling me to take care of myself, because in reality that's all you can do. You can't control his actions, you can try but it's not going to work (from my experience anyways and from reading 'Codependent No More'). If you can spare your child from being affected by his actions, I would do so. You don't want this to affect your child's mentality in the future when he is old enough. Realize that even though your bf is in a great deal of trouble with his addiction, you are also being affected by it. Think about your son, then you, and then your bf. Whats meant to be will be. Also a very important lesson my therapist taught me never threaten to leave unless your serious, because every time you threaten that and don't leave you are teaching him that no matter what his actions are you are going to be there. You may not think that your are teaching him this, but believe me you are. Obviously you love and care about this person very much, but you need to put equal if not more love and care towards yourself because even though he is in trouble, you are suddenly in a similar position. Love yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Don't make excuses for him because they come back to bite you. Like I said this is me speaking from my experience I am not an expert in addiction. I hope that whatever happens from this situation that you find happiness in life with yourself and your son because at the end of the day happiness is key to a good life. I don't mean happy for a moment then in complete chaos the next, I mean stable feelings, stable situations. I hope that things really turn around for you, this should be a happy time with your new addition. You deserve happiness. Your bf does too, but right now its about you too.
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