hello first post. totally out of my depth
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London
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hello first post. totally out of my depth
I'm just dipping my toe in the water
I'm in at the moment a long distance relationship with an alcoholic who has relapsed after 5 years.
I'm exhausted tonight and tearful. He was quite lucid tjough with a serious headache when we talked last 5 hours ago but we usually talk each night. He's not answering texts. He may be asleep or drunk. If the later I will end up a verbal punchbag so am trying not to contact him again.
I'm so scared.
I'm dosed up on anti depressants ( won't kick in for another week or so) and anti anxiety meds which are making me panic less but I'm sooo scared.
I may sleep now I just need a place to come and cry.
I'm in at the moment a long distance relationship with an alcoholic who has relapsed after 5 years.
I'm exhausted tonight and tearful. He was quite lucid tjough with a serious headache when we talked last 5 hours ago but we usually talk each night. He's not answering texts. He may be asleep or drunk. If the later I will end up a verbal punchbag so am trying not to contact him again.
I'm so scared.
I'm dosed up on anti depressants ( won't kick in for another week or so) and anti anxiety meds which are making me panic less but I'm sooo scared.
I may sleep now I just need a place to come and cry.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Why are you putting yourself through this? If you need to be on anxiety meds to be in a relationship with someone surely that isn't a good sign? I know you may love him but you are hurting yourself, never a good sign. You need to take care of you and stop worrying about him and all of his stuff, he will drink no matter what you do.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London
Posts: 17
Thank you for your bluntness seriously I mean it Its hard
The tablets were recommended to me before this bombshell because my home situation is unbearable and he was my rock. He still is when lucid.
The tablets were recommended to me before this bombshell because my home situation is unbearable and he was my rock. He still is when lucid.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 37
if you read some of the replies from the wonderful people on here to my posts you will see i have similar fears - but believe me, as someone who has been there in many ways - you cannot save him, only yourself. can you be happy in a relationship where all you are doing is trying to save someones life - wheres the joy? if you have no ties (other than feelings) then think seriously before falling further in xxx
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Oh, dear. I'm afraid a relapsing alcoholic isn't going to be anyone's rock for awhile. I know the distance between you must be frustrating right now, but it's also a blessing. Relapse is not pretty.
Is there something you can do for yourself, right away, that has nothing to do with him and might help you relax? Listen to music, take a bubble bath, watch a movie? I am afraid that even if you were in the same room with him there wouldn't be anything you could do to help him through this. The best you can do is take care of yourself right now.
((((hugs))))
Is there something you can do for yourself, right away, that has nothing to do with him and might help you relax? Listen to music, take a bubble bath, watch a movie? I am afraid that even if you were in the same room with him there wouldn't be anything you could do to help him through this. The best you can do is take care of yourself right now.
((((hugs))))
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Slarklekitty yes I get that. I spent the weekend watching him struggle with withdrawal as he hadn't told me then. Its the uselessness I feel. I know I can't help but ...
He's asked for ten minutes to wake up til he's ok to chat
He's asked for ten minutes to wake up til he's ok to chat
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Have you ever talked to a counselor? I had great success working through my lifelong issues with my family and relationships with a private counselor.
I can only recommend that you read as many of the Stickies and other posts on this forum as you can stand. There is an incredible amount of experience, strength, and hope here for you if you delve in.
It's not giving up on someone to detach from them when they are drunk. It doesn't mean you don't love them or support them. It's just saying hey, I'm not going to put myself in a position to be a verbal punching bag.
I can only recommend that you read as many of the Stickies and other posts on this forum as you can stand. There is an incredible amount of experience, strength, and hope here for you if you delve in.
It's not giving up on someone to detach from them when they are drunk. It doesn't mean you don't love them or support them. It's just saying hey, I'm not going to put myself in a position to be a verbal punching bag.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London
Posts: 17
I've been referred and had one emergency session this week. But it will be weeks and weeks before they can see me regularly....
I do need to learn to detach not desert. Its a new one on me and its hard
I do need to learn to detach not desert. Its a new one on me and its hard
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Uk
Posts: 764
Originally Posted by inatthedeepend 
I'm just dipping my toe in the water
I'm in at the moment a long distance relationship with an alcoholic who has relapsed after 5 years.
I'm exhausted tonight and tearful. He was quite lucid tjough with a serious headache when we talked last 5 hours ago but we usually talk each night. He's not answering texts. He may be asleep or drunk. If the later I will end up a verbal punchbag so am trying not to contact him again.
I'm so scared.
I'm dosed up on anti depressants ( won't kick in for another week or so) and anti anxiety meds which are making me panic less but I'm sooo scared.
I may sleep now I just need a place to come and cry.
I'm in at the moment a long distance relationship with an alcoholic who has relapsed after 5 years.
I'm exhausted tonight and tearful. He was quite lucid tjough with a serious headache when we talked last 5 hours ago but we usually talk each night. He's not answering texts. He may be asleep or drunk. If the later I will end up a verbal punchbag so am trying not to contact him again.
I'm so scared.
I'm dosed up on anti depressants ( won't kick in for another week or so) and anti anxiety meds which are making me panic less but I'm sooo scared.
I may sleep now I just need a place to come and cry.
Please keep posting - we are here to listen to you n support you. Read all the stickys
Take care x
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Uk
Posts: 764
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Have you ever talked to a counselor? I had great success working through my lifelong issues with my family and relationships with a private counselor.
I can only recommend that you read as many of the Stickies and other posts on this forum as you can stand. There is an incredible amount of experience, strength, and hope here for you if you delve in.
It's not giving up on someone to detach from them when they are drunk. It doesn't mean you don't love them or support them. It's just saying hey, I'm not going to put myself in a position to be a verbal punching bag.
I can only recommend that you read as many of the Stickies and other posts on this forum as you can stand. There is an incredible amount of experience, strength, and hope here for you if you delve in.
It's not giving up on someone to detach from them when they are drunk. It doesn't mean you don't love them or support them. It's just saying hey, I'm not going to put myself in a position to be a verbal punching bag.
xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London
Posts: 17
Thankyou all I'm off to sleep.
Our local alanon meetings are Thursday's at 730pm
I can't get out I have two kids under 5 and my ex still lives here ( see its complicated) but doesn't get home til after 9.
I thank you all again
Night
Our local alanon meetings are Thursday's at 730pm
I can't get out I have two kids under 5 and my ex still lives here ( see its complicated) but doesn't get home til after 9.
I thank you all again
Night
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