HerHubz

Good morning everyone.

I am writing today as a problem that I believe myself and my friends and family were all collectively wouldn't happen has.

It would appear that my AW has relapsed and has done so while I was out of town and while she was home alone with our young child.

Thank the Lord no harm came to him, but obviously something has to be done.

My question is should I try to push for her to get help and remain supportive or do I put space between us and hope that she seeks out help on her own?

I know that there may not be 1 right or wrong way to handle this, but I will keep my child safe and want her to want to get through this?

Thank you.

BeavsDad

Make a healthy boundary and stick to it for the well-being of your child and your own sanity.
Or stay hardcore with those marriage vows and do the addiction dance until your head explodes.

"Stay together for the kids" isn't always the best option.

jerect

I agree with the poster above.. make some healthy boundaries and get some help and recovery for yourself.. Your first priority is your well being and the welfare of your child.. Your wife is going to do what she is going to do and will only seek recovery when she is ready not when she is being pushed..

I was the supportive wife for 5 years.. I'm tired of being supportive, I'm tired of being lied to, manipulated and used.. Detatch with love.. it's a process and you will probably fall many times before mastering it.. get yourself to an alanon meeting if you havent already.. take it from me, you must put yourself first and seek help for yourself and not your wife,, it's the only way you will overcome this..

interrupted

I agree with the above posters. You have to protect your child from the madness of addiction. Addicts make very bad parents, and the scars they imprint upon their children are carried well into adulthood.

I am the adult child of two addicts and at 36 I'm still peeling this dysfunctional onion.

If you can't take steps to separate yourself from your wife right now, is there somewhere that your son can stay until you are strong enough to move forward with enforcing your boundaries? I know this must be terribly difficult for you, and I applaud you for putting your child first, I'm so sorry this is happening.

hello-kitty

First things first. Where's your child now? Since you can't trust your wife to take care of your young child, have you found another caregiver? Please don't risk it. Active addicts are unfit parents and YOU are responsible should anything happen.

Your wife is an adult and can find her own way. That's the whole point of recovery - to find your own way. Your child on the otherhand, needs an advocate, an adult that will put them first no matter what.

That falls on you.

PS. You can still be supportive and put space between you. What that space looks like is entirely up to you. In fact, the BEST support a spouse can give an addict is to detach from their problems and work on their own problems. Take care of yourself. Untangle yourself from her addiction.

interrupted

Hello-kitty always says exactly what I want to say, only way more eloquently.

I wish I could apply you as an outgoing email filter!