Rosiepetal

OK I felt fantastic this morning, new lease on life & all that, have lost weight & you can tell, been exercising over the weeks & eating healthy then by this afternoon I got the Friday dread again.
I know it's early days but I always looked forward to the weekends cause I didn't get to see ABF during the week due to kid committments so I looked forward to seeing him in the weekends.
I feel like I'm just dead to him. Wonder if he badmouths me.
I know I have to focus on me but it is hard on Fridays.
Just need some gentle encouragement.

shawty80

hang in there, rosie! fridays are hard for me, too. i think we probably BOTH need to redefine our weekends, especially those pesky fridays. let's you and me take them back, what do you say? start with something small...

Rosiepetal

Thanks shawty.
I have plans for the weekend but mainly kid plans & family plans.
I guess I'm just missing him & adjusting to it all.
Every weekend from now until Christmas I have plans but its still hard.
I just feel like I gave so much & now its like I never existed.
Thanks for your support.

Lulu39

I know the awful Friday feeling.

All of "our" friends were really just "his friends". All the family we have here is his family. I have no plans for anything on the weekends. I have been the only responsible parent to our children for many years so nothing has changed there - I still get to drive them to all their activities, that's great fun Now that I don't have to spend every free minute cleaning up after him, I have spare time but have no idea what to do with it. Or who to do anything with.

Don't end up like me! Get out there and enjoy yourself.

Titanic

Sunday mornings. Just me - kids at A's place. Tough.

Rosiepetal, your worth isn't measured by his quacking to uninformed people!

Freedom1990

Be gentle with yourself, Rosie!

The grief process is a very individual thing, and re-learning other things to do on those days that are hard (like Friday) takes time. Believe me, it does get easier as you continue to move forward in your recovery dear.

Dontreallycare

I get to the point that I dread Friday's because it means a weekend of him drinking (either sneaking or blatantly). Or, if he tries to white-nuckle it, him complaining that he's bored because that was all he used to do while watching tv all weekend. Thank goodness I have to work tomorrow.

GettingBy

Oooopha. I used to DREAD Fridays when I was still with my A. Fridays meant drunken binges - late nights, no communication, lots of worry.

Fridays were a different kind of trigger after we separated. I felt horribly lonely. I would sit and imagine him out partying it up.


What helped me was to re-invent the day/weekend. Focus on making plans and keeping myself busy and pre-occupied. Even if I didn't have company to hang out with - I'd come up with a "project" or hobby. Something anything to keep me out of my head.

It gets easier with time and practice. Hang it there - good things are coming!

SparkleKitty

Hey Roseipetal -- I think your Friday is over now, isn't it? How did it go??

mdkathy62

Hi Rosiepetal,

Thanks for sharing. The first couple weekends was hard for me as well after I left my XABF. It was different to be alone with my own thoughts that didn't center around him. I think that was the scariest thing for me--to be alone with my own thoughts. It wasn't so much his presence that I missed, but the thoughts of him, the thoughts of what we had, who he was, etc. I spent the first couple weekends alone in my room really forcing myself to face all my thoughts without distraction. I focused so much on him and not on myself.

Then I started making a daily gratitude list that I write everyday on my facebook. Very simple things like sunshine, a comfy bed to sleep in, etc. I remember sleeping next to him so many nights and me sleeping on the edge of the bed because I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I was resentful and frustrated. Then he left and the bed felt empty, but now, it's starting to feel wonderful to have the bed to myself. I feel liberated. Just thinking how grateful I am that I do have a bed and I can sleep at night. Those small thoughts that are in my head. I really try to appreciate the small things and I find that it helps me to think and focus less on him, even though I do think about him everyday.

Rosiepetal

Yes it's Saturday morning here now. I got through Friday. Came on SR & relaxed with kids with programmes we like. Then when they went to bed I read a whole heap on alcoholism & learnt more, that helps a lot.
Today my daughter is in the Christmas Parade so that should give me some Christmas spirit.
Thank you all for your responses.
The hardest thing is getting him out of my head. I wake thinking of him. Had to get up early even if it is the weekend just so I can think of something else.
I love that man but right now I really don't like him very much either if that makes sense.

SparkleKitty

Makes perfect sense. I have felt that way about a lot of people in my life. Mostly, I've tried to love them at a distance and hope for their happiness.