EAE

Exactly 1 day after 2 my months sobriety, I am having a lot of flashbacks. That's the only way I can describe it. I've been drinking since I was 15 or 16 (I don't remember), and the suppressed memories from my childhood are coming back and hitting me hard. They aren't bad memories per se, but they are memories that remind me of all of the people that have helped shape who I am today, and I feel as though I have abandoned those people. For example, I didn't see the babysitter that raised me since I was 4 years old when she was on her deathbed because I was too afraid to see how she looked when she was dying. I was also ashamed because I never took the time to go visit her because I was too selfish with my time. She loved me so much, and helped my mom out by not charging her for her services when she was short on money (she was a single mother of two). I can't help but feel so terribly guilty and sad right now.

I am very grateful that I am where I am at right now. It's not like I thought that sobriety would be all sunshine and rainbows, but these emotions are coming back harder than I thought. I guess all I can do is ride them out.

WantToHeal

Sorry you're having difficulty right now...is there a therapist or counselor you can work through some of these things with? I see one every 1-2 weeks in addition to AA. It helps!

Natom

You have to go through the pain to truly accept joy and happiness. I'm just over six months sober and I have started having really vivid nightmares and terrors in my sleep. I have never had these before and have never had any trouble with sleep but I have just accepted it as something that is happening and working stuff around it.

Natom.

Threshold

I am realizing and accepting that I didn't know then (when I did things I feel badly about, or omitted doing what I should have) what I know now.

I will act now, and from now on, with my new understanding and perspective. I cannot change the past, but I can choose to behave differently now and in the future.

Learning from my past choices is progress, wallowing in them gets me nowhere.

Elisabeth888

This sounds simple, but try not to overwhelm yourself with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are early in sobriety and you need to focus on that and be kind to yourself.

Things will fall in to place as you go through recovery and you will be able to handle things better.

Anna

Yes, all you can do is feel the emotion and remember that the feeling is not you. It's just a feeling. It doesn't control you, and you can let it go.

I had a very similar experience and I felt overwhelmed. The result was that I was pushed into forgiving myself because I simply couldn't cope with all the negative feelings. Beginning to forgive myself was a huge step in moving forward in recovery. You are human. You made mistakes. Not everyone understands why you did what you did. And, that's okay.

sugarbear1

You aren't alone with what you are experiencing. Be gentle on yourself.