10 Minutes to Midnight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 9
10 Minutes to Midnight
This is my first time posting in a forum or reaching out for any sort of help. For the last 4 years my drinking has been slowly and slowly increasing to unmanageable levels. I've tried telling myself that it's just a matter of self control and all I have to do is not buy booze. And yet almost every night at 10 minutes to midnight I find myself at the corner store buying multiple bottles of wine or 40s. (Where I live they stop selling beer/wine at midnight.) I've tried convincing myself that because I avoid hard liquor what I do is OK, but I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks and the blues the next day are terrible. The fuzzy brain, the cloud I perpetually live in. I do not drink and drive, thankfully, but I have these sleepwalking fits that scare the crap out of my wife that I don't remember. She tells me she is unable to wake me up and I'll just walk around the house picking things up and knocking things over.
The thing is that I can't really seek help in the way I would like. My family is composed of extremely conservative Christians who believe that all drinking is a sin, and if I admitted that I drank at all, even seeking help, it would mean being ostracized by my family. I hope these forums can help me in some way. I think that maybe if I visit these forums just before the clock strikes midnight, maybe I can occupy myself and somehow pass the hour without finding myself at the gas station buying multiple 40s of Steel Reserve or the Big bottle of Chardonnay.
The thing is that I can't really seek help in the way I would like. My family is composed of extremely conservative Christians who believe that all drinking is a sin, and if I admitted that I drank at all, even seeking help, it would mean being ostracized by my family. I hope these forums can help me in some way. I think that maybe if I visit these forums just before the clock strikes midnight, maybe I can occupy myself and somehow pass the hour without finding myself at the gas station buying multiple 40s of Steel Reserve or the Big bottle of Chardonnay.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us. Many people think drinking wine or beer is okay because it's not liquor, but alcohol is alcohol. It's one and the same. It might be good to remember that alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease and we can recover. Also, it's not necessary to tell your family members that you're stopping drinking. I feel that recovery is a personal journey. We are a family here and we do understand how hard this is. I hope you continue to post because there is lots of support here.
I'm glad you found us. Many people think drinking wine or beer is okay because it's not liquor, but alcohol is alcohol. It's one and the same. It might be good to remember that alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease and we can recover. Also, it's not necessary to tell your family members that you're stopping drinking. I feel that recovery is a personal journey. We are a family here and we do understand how hard this is. I hope you continue to post because there is lots of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi toughbreak
Welcome
You'll find a lot of support here
Like Anna said - if you don't want people to know then don't tell them
If you're drinking every night, I assume you don't live with your family, so why would they need to know if you were seeking help?
D
Welcome
You'll find a lot of support here
Like Anna said - if you don't want people to know then don't tell them
If you're drinking every night, I assume you don't live with your family, so why would they need to know if you were seeking help?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 9
I just worry that it is so inevitable that they will find out. I live very near all of my family and if my vehicle is in the driveway when they thought I would be gone I instantly get a call inquiring what I'm doing. I have a very involved and ever-present family.
I just feel so tired of mindlessly drinking, but its just about the only thing I really look forward to. It makes what would be a boring and empty time exciting.
I work an odd schedule. 3:00pm to 11:00pm, and when I get home at about 11:15 pm the wife is asleep and I have nothing better to do than play computer games (World of Warcraft), and I get bored of that very quickly. The alcohol just makes the time before I go to bed so much more fun, and I don't know how to replace that.
I just feel so tired of mindlessly drinking, but its just about the only thing I really look forward to. It makes what would be a boring and empty time exciting.
I work an odd schedule. 3:00pm to 11:00pm, and when I get home at about 11:15 pm the wife is asleep and I have nothing better to do than play computer games (World of Warcraft), and I get bored of that very quickly. The alcohol just makes the time before I go to bed so much more fun, and I don't know how to replace that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 796
Hello, and welcome.
I did the same thing as you, making that last minute run. Many times.
This progressed to waiting at 8:30 am for the liqour store to open. It was a msierable existance.
Now I think of what that first drink will do to me; the anxiety, fear and self-loathing.
I hope you can stop now so you don't have to suffer the way I did.
When I told people I was going to quit, to my surprise, they already knew I had a problem.
Have you considered AA? You can stay completely anonymous, and if no one in your family has a problem, you won't have to worry about seeing them there.
Whatever your choice, I hope you can quit and best to you.
I did the same thing as you, making that last minute run. Many times.
This progressed to waiting at 8:30 am for the liqour store to open. It was a msierable existance.
Now I think of what that first drink will do to me; the anxiety, fear and self-loathing.
I hope you can stop now so you don't have to suffer the way I did.
When I told people I was going to quit, to my surprise, they already knew I had a problem.
Have you considered AA? You can stay completely anonymous, and if no one in your family has a problem, you won't have to worry about seeing them there.
Whatever your choice, I hope you can quit and best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Like Anna said, people (outside of your wife I suggest) don't need to know your business, even if they're family.
But like Ghostlight I found out people knew anyway.
You might be able to go on nightly beer runs and not have people know, but that wasn't the case with me.
Why not post here instead of playing WoW? You might find that's enough, and you'll at least get some ideas about what to do next if you find you need more support.
D
But like Ghostlight I found out people knew anyway.
You might be able to go on nightly beer runs and not have people know, but that wasn't the case with me.
Why not post here instead of playing WoW? You might find that's enough, and you'll at least get some ideas about what to do next if you find you need more support.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 9
I have considered AA and looked at some of the local meetings, but I can't find a lot that fit my odd work schedule. There are a few that do, but none of them are labeled "newcomer".
To be honest, I only know a little about AA, but I have heard that some of the steps involving approaching people you have wronged and making amends. I really don't want to be "that guy"; the one that people avoid because he just has to tell you how sorry he is about something. Also, I don't know how I'd be viewed in AA; I'm not that old, just 25, and while I do believe I have a problem, I'm sure it pales in comparison to many, many people - definitely in comparison to those that are in AA.
To be honest, I only know a little about AA, but I have heard that some of the steps involving approaching people you have wronged and making amends. I really don't want to be "that guy"; the one that people avoid because he just has to tell you how sorry he is about something. Also, I don't know how I'd be viewed in AA; I'm not that old, just 25, and while I do believe I have a problem, I'm sure it pales in comparison to many, many people - definitely in comparison to those that are in AA.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome to our family, toughbreak. I hope you'll find some hope and comfort here. I had no one to turn to who understood - certainly not my family, who all thought it was just a matter of willpower. SR has meant the world to me - I can finally be myself and not be judged. I hope you'll feel the same.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
First of all Welcome
I used to drink a lot of steel resevers also. Thanks for the reminder of why I dont drink. You dont want anyone to know but its such a progressive diease you can hide it for a while, and think you still hiding but truth is most people will know.
Second please kinda erase everything you think you heard or know about AA and go try a meeting. With a fresh look. You dont need a newcomers meeting because your new. Any meeting will do .... Just go and listen and simply introduce yourself..
If its anything like my first meetings, I was blown away how much I felt like I was home. I have met the nicest caring people and now friends in my 17 months of AA. And LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!
I used to drink a lot of steel resevers also. Thanks for the reminder of why I dont drink. You dont want anyone to know but its such a progressive diease you can hide it for a while, and think you still hiding but truth is most people will know.
Second please kinda erase everything you think you heard or know about AA and go try a meeting. With a fresh look. You dont need a newcomers meeting because your new. Any meeting will do .... Just go and listen and simply introduce yourself..
If its anything like my first meetings, I was blown away how much I felt like I was home. I have met the nicest caring people and now friends in my 17 months of AA. And LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Definatley go and listen at an AA meeting and try a few different ones too.
No-one knows about my recovery. I see that it is my business, my battle, my fight.
If I need to tell anyone about it, then I will when I am ready, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
At the moment I am happy attending meetings, reading and posting here and conting my days, As long as I am proud of myself, my friends at SR are proud then that is all that matters to me.
I don't think you are too young. My problems kicked of in my late 20's.
I do agree that how much you are drinking maybe pale in comparison to others but don't let yourself reach that level. Don't let it get to the pint where you loose your family, your marriage, your job, your home. Take action now while you can.
I wish you all the best xx
No-one knows about my recovery. I see that it is my business, my battle, my fight.
If I need to tell anyone about it, then I will when I am ready, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
At the moment I am happy attending meetings, reading and posting here and conting my days, As long as I am proud of myself, my friends at SR are proud then that is all that matters to me.
I don't think you are too young. My problems kicked of in my late 20's.
I do agree that how much you are drinking maybe pale in comparison to others but don't let yourself reach that level. Don't let it get to the pint where you loose your family, your marriage, your job, your home. Take action now while you can.
I wish you all the best xx
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