thewastedchef

Ok, i am new to this but my problem is getting worse, i have drank for 20 years, how my wife puts up with me I dont know, yesterday was a crazy day, i consumed half a bottle of whiskey within 40 mins, then went to work at 10 am (yes 10 am) i felt a bit unsteady on my feet and knew i may be caught out, so i said i was upset at the loss of a relative (a lie) and left work, this morning at 5 am i woke up in a flat 80 miles from my home city with a woman i used to go out with 21 years ago. I had no idea how i got there, all i know is i spent a lot of money, i looked on my phone and i had texted my wife and told her i was meeting a friend after work another lie, and sent another message saying i was staying at his house last night. I missed work today, got a train back home, and felt so guilty when i got home, my wife was like " did you have a good time then" and i just played along with it and said yes, I work full time and I have my own business that i am building up, I have a beautiful wife who is 25 (im 40) and 2 great kids, but i need help before i loose them all, i tired AA (maybe i need to go back) but nothing seems to work, I just wanted to talk to someone who has been in the same boat as me ? any suggestions...?

Anna

I think we've all been in the same situation. It feels hopeless and as if you will lose everything. I almost lost my family and my health. You need to have faith and step out of the downward spiral. Whether you use AA or another recovery method, you need the motivation to make it work every day. You can do this!

sugarbear1

I also "tried" AA for 25 years. When I finally surrendered, I worked those steps and everything slowly changed for the better.

There is hope that one day you will stay stopped, too!

Glad you found SR!

Love & hugs & understanding,

Hevyn

I'm glad you're reaching out for help, wastedchef. Drinking turned me into a person I didn't even recognize. I had to lay it down, or lose it all. We all understand and want to help.

Welcome to SR - you won't regret finding this wonderful place. You can have a whole new beginning.

tomsteve

welcome! grat to see you see the problem and lookin for a solution.
my life was one big lie, so much so i couldnt differentiate the truth fromt he lies.
when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality, thats when i went to AA. ( like sugarbear, i surrendered).the man who is now my sponsor would be sittin across the table from me for a long time. quite often, when i would get done talkin, he'd say,"its your lie." that really started jerkin my chain. but then i saw it: i was livin a complete lie and didnt know crap about how to live. the only 2 things i knew how to do were work and drink.
after reading the big book of AA and seeing it was written about me, i put in the footwork and started doin what the program and the people of the fellowship suggested.
that was a few years ago.i havent had a drink since and have become a sober,productive, responsible member of society.

Collingwood20

Where to begin. Seek help, honesty is the only way out of this. If you are drinking over a pint just to get to work. You need some serious help.

You could always follow my path and deny everything and be five years down the road with nothing.

Your choice.

jobei

For me I had to make a choice... keep drinking and die or give it up and live. It's amazing that at the time I quit this was actually a hard decision! There's so much more out there for you in this world. I hope that you can decide to live without the crushing weight of alcohol on your shoulders. God bless!

Sasha4

Welcome - I am a bit further up the M1 from you, towards the north! Just wanted to say hi.

It sounds like your shocked by your actions and I should imagine everything feels pretty raw at the moment. It also sounds like you are ashamed of what happened.

I've been there - checking my phone the next morning and being outraged at what texts I had sent. Lying, deceiving, letting others down, letting myself down,my work suffering. Feeling like I did not know who I had become. Like I hated myself.

The trouble was that feeling wore off a few days later and then the thoughts would creep back into my mind like 'just one, I have done so well not drinking' or 'wine, no spirits and it will all be okay'.

Soon I was back to square one and feeling that horrid, burning sensation of shame. I hated myself.

I suppose a few things were key to me.

1. That if I did not have that first drink, I could not get drunk. That first drink could be fatal for me. It seemed to unleash some beast inside me that then wanted a 1000 more drinks. If I kept away from the first drink, it never lead to anymore.

2. Changing my routines and getting honest with myself. I had a favourite drink, a favourite glass, a spot on the sofa that come 8pm I would be sat on. It got earlier and earlier or even later and later that I was sat there mindlessly drinking. Now that glass is smashed, that drink does not enter my home and the spot on the sofa is vacant as I am busy doing jobs, or with my child or in bed and reading here. It was hard to change, I had been doing it over 10 years but it worked for me.

3. I am willing to learn and I am open to the experience of others. I will read and take on board as much as I can here and any other resources that are offered to me. i am grateful to those who share their stories so that I might benefit. I go to AA when I can and when I need to. I do not give a hoot about lables or definitions as in 'I am an alcoholic' or a 'binge drinker'. All I know is drink makes me very, very unhappy and I become a person I detest and thats enough for me to do all I can to keep away it. If that is through AA, here, AVRT, counselling, medication then I will do it if it means I do not have to go back to be that truly unhappy, miserable girl I was.

4 I can only do it one day at a time. I cannot think forever. I cannot think until 2015 then I will see. I just say 'for today I will not drink'.

5. I am not unique in way shape or form. There are no special reasons why I drink. I drink no differently to any other problem drinker. Just because I am not homeless, drinking in a gutter, living in a cardboard box with no family or job does not mean my drinking is okay. I am just glad it has not lead me there...yet. There is no other reason why I am here other than I like to drink too much. I drink when I am happy, when I am sad, when my car has a flat tyre, when football is on instead of coronation street, when the sky is a nice colour, because we have olives in the fridge, I could go on... I just do and I need to work at not doing it.

And all this has got me 270 days today without a drink...

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you keep coming here, keep reading and keep posting. xx

bunny1961

I had to come clean with all the lies I did to my wife last week. After a dui and arrested, I realized I needed help. I am going into treatment soon. Need to change pretty much everything Share with your wife and stop living a lie.
Thinking of you.

buickbeast

After a night where I got drunk and found out later that my friend found me passed out in my own car in my apartment complex parking lot and escorted me to my apartment. She texted me later that day and told me if I didn't stop drinking, I would one day lose everything that I have fought for in my life. It was pretty brutal, but it was the wake up call that I needed. I locked that text so that it could never be deleted. Each time I get that itch to have "just one drink", I read that text. You might want to do the same thing with the text that you sent your wife.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR, sounds like you want to make changes for you and your family. I would talk to your doctor and a counselor. Utilize as many resources as you can. Also, keep reading and posting here, it helps!

thewastedchef

Wow, thank you all for your comments, I thought I would be walking into a virtual room and shouting for help at 4 empty walls. Everything you all have said has a factor of truth about it and because of everyone having or had the same problems, then I feel like I'm not alone for the first time ever. My doctors only suggestion was to try and drink less, the time I went to AA 10 years ago they said they don't think I have a problem,I just like my drink ??? And I tried a service called last orders who saw me twice in three months because my councillor was off ill for 8 weeks and they wouldn't refer me to another councillor they canceled 2 appointments and I missed one due to a work interview hmmm. I am so desperate to stop drinking and I do have a plan so hopefully you can all offer advice or support. Yesterday I didn't drink, that was day one. I have listed all the bad things about alcohol, and how my life would be better without it. I plan to keep busy with my business and between marketing money and saving it by not drinking, then maybe a nice holiday as a reward. I emptied my house of alcohol yesterday and currently on my way to work at 6.45am without having a drink! I have only took my bus fare so I cannot buy beer today. And I have a determind head, how long this will power will last I'm not sure. I think I will start a blog of positive points and how it's changing me, and shame stories of when I was drinking so when I look back I can see the pros and cons.. I'm 40 in a few weeks, please let sobriety be the best present I can give myself.

Sazzle

Hi Chef

I
You could always try AA again. I've been to two different classes and at the 2nd one a man approached me and told me in'didn't look like an alcoholic'. WTF! Had it been my1st class it would have given me validation to carry on my binge drinking self destructive lifestyle.

Last night at my 'home' group they all agreed that only I needed to know what I was it wasn't and 'The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking'

A lady who I hope some day will be my sponsor when I'm ready, reminded me that everyone in the room is sick. Take the good advice and discard the rest.

I tried moderation for 18 months and that experiment proved I could not limit.

Keep us updated & good luck

S x

Veritas1

Do you still have your Alcoholics Anonymous book?

If not, or if you never got one....you can read it online.

Big Book On Line

There are many AA speaker recordings to listen to that may be helpful also!

Sandy B.

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Sasha4

Please click on and read read a bit of the big book that Veritas has posted for you

I did when I was so low, so ashamed and it made me feel less alone. It brought me a lot of comfort in the early days to know that others were similar to me.

It sounds a great plan ridding the house of booze.
And still hold it in your head that it does not matter about labels - 'alcoholic', 'binge drinker' etc etc - booze just makes you unhappy and cuases you problems that put at risk everything you hold dear....so go to AA and learn all you can.

You sound a bit better today, a bit more positive?
I wish you a productive day and hope your home from work soon with your family. x

endlesspatience

I am not usually this blunt, but I really want to hold up one sentence for examination:
"the time I went to AA 10 years ago they said they don't think I have a problem,I just like my drink". That is not true. The reason I know this, is because AA is not there to decide if anyone is an alcoholic or not. Only the individual can decide. It was ten years ago that you went. You are now drinking half a bottle of whisky before work. Would you say now that you "like your drink"? Come on, give AA a fair hearing and don't base your view on it on some weird interpretation of what happened ten years ago.

thewastedchef

Thanks endless for your input, to me whether you have one drink or 12 if it causes problems in your life then it is an issue. I was disappointed when I was told that " I just like my drink and its nothing serious" yes I now there are people worse off than me, there are people who have lost more than me, and there will be people out there who will have a problem in the future that don't know it now. I am willing to try AA again and we all know what happens in that room stays in that room, the people you know you never talk about. I saw my old school teacher there, I think we both felt embarrassed but I never told anyone which is how it should say. But when you get a knock back its hard to leave that comment in the room and close the door. Ten years on it still annoys me. In return I never went back. I never got the help I needed. And because a part of me thought what if there right, then I continued my drinking which has just taken over my life, all this for a throw away comment.... Some words do change your life, that's why I try and choose mine carefully . We are all in this together so let's keep supporting each other. Happy days

Anna

One thing that I had to learn in order to recover was to listen to myself, not other people. If other people told me I wasn't an alcoholic, that would have nothing to do with me. I was very vulnerable in early recovery and very cautious because it wouldn't have taken much to throw me off.

endlesspatience

Are you sure you heard someone say "you don't have a problem" to you in the rooms of AA? Or is that what you wanted to hear, or told yourself? Either way, it doesn't matter. If you genuinely hear it said to you again, post on here and share about it. In the meantime, if you want help, AA offers an option at this stage.

thewastedchef

Well... Couldn't sleep. Got up at 3 am had a beer or 2 and on my way to work.. I'm a disgrace. I need someone to do this with ?