jerect

My story is long so I wont share all the tragic details.. I'm married to a drug addict so much of my story is probably the same as everyone else here..

I used to be a regular poster here and two and a half years ago I decided to leave my AH but had a change of heart at the 11th hour.. The good people on this board told me to leave him, go through my divorce but my codie self did not listion.. so out of sheer embarrasement I stopped posting, lurked quite a bit but was too ashamed to come back here and share my decision and of course my ultimate big fat mistake of taking him back and all the heartache I have recieved because of my decision.

I know that I have to leave this marriage, it does not matter what my in-laws think, what the neighbors think and certainly what my AH thinks.. I'm on the edge of bottoming out and my mental heatlh is at stake here. Financially I'm not really in a position to leave him and live by myself and I think that is the biggest issue keeping me in this relationship. My AH and I live like roomates, we dont sleep in the same bed, we dont share food, days go by and we dont even speak. I have no idea who his friends are and I honestly dont care. When I seperated from him the last time I also seperated our finances and made him pay me rent.. ( one of the smartest decisions that I have ever made) of course I never get that rent money on time and there is always an excuse why.. we all know why, he's using it to buy drugs. He works as a waiter so he gets cash every night, perfect environment for his habit.

I'm at the point where I dont care anymore, I literally hate him (sad I know), I have so much resentment inside of me when it comes to him, so much anger. I'm so tired of all the lies, all the empty promises and all of the garbage that he pulls. He does absolutly nothing to help me around the house and his room looks like something off of an episode of hoarders, how he sleeps in that I will never know. He never helps me with household items such as cleaning supplies and toiletries ect.. so here lately I have taken to hiding them in the trunk of my car, toliet paper included and only bring out enough for my own personal use.. ( can you say insanity guys!!!!!!)

He's a manipulater for sure, he knows just what buttons to push. He tells me that if I kick him out he will take my dog, I have no children and my pet is the closest thing to a child.. Im the one that feeds her, pays her vet bills etc.. but like I said he knows what buttons to push.. master manipulater..

I've gone back to alanon meetings, those are helping a lot.. I've resigned as the general manager of the Universe, ( this of course is a daily practice and some days are more successful then others) and I'm doing what I can to retain what little bit of sanity that i have left..

To the ones out there that are dating drug addicts.. RUN, Run as fast as you can and dont look back.. dont let them move in with you and for God's sake dont marry them.. for those that are struggling like me, hang on cause its a bumpy ride.. A ride that I am ready to get off of..

I plan on being active on this site once again.. I need the support of others and I feel like I need to support others as well..

so, here I am with my tail between my legs, humbly back where I belong..

LoveMeNow

Jerect, I don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about. No one here is going to judge you for staying. Many have stayed!! We all understand how hard it to give up on the "dream" of what was, what should of been or what might still be.

In fact, I have stayed against the advice of others. My husband is working a recovery but there are no guarantees. But more importantly, I am working my own recovery. I will make a decision when I get healthier so I can make the best one for me. Not a minute before!! But I do have a back up plan, in case he relapses and goes back to active addiction. I will not live with an active addict again. The results would be the same as an addict: jail, institutions, and death.

Glad you are back and will keep posting.

Maylie

Welcome back Jerect! You shouldn't ever be too ashamed to post on here! We have all said we would do things and don't follow through with them. We have all known what we should do but do the opposite for whatever reason. We all need eachothers support and without a safe place like this to vent we would be a lot worse off!

Having him pay you rent is really smart. Even if it is late, just make sure you get it before the next rent it due lol. Hiding things in the car may seem like insanity, but at least you aren't supporting him while he only spends his money on drugs. Everything that keeps a house hold running adds up and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be supporting someone that doesn't even talk to me! If he needs things he is a big boy he need to get one less fix that day and buy himself toilet paper!

I am a recovering addict and my boyfriend that I live with is also a recoverying addict so I know how the addict mind thinks plus I am a codie and tried to "fix" my boyfriend for so long and I know how hard it is to take a stand. Setting up boundaries is the only way for either of you to be able to work on yourselves and get healthy. Well, you can work on yourself and get healthy since obv. he isn't ready to do that yet.

I hope you keep coming back and posting and saving up money so that you can be comfortable to leave! Him saying he would take the dog such shows how heartless active addicts can be. Are both your names on the paperwork from when you got your dog? Or maybe you can register your dog under your name in the town so that he can't take your poor littly doggy away. Addicts will do anything to get their way so anything you can do to make sure that he can't get the dog doesn't hurt. I even know people that put in their divorce who got the dog (I am a HUGE dog lover and made sure when I got my puppy that I was the only name so it shows I paid and she is registered under my name thank god).

I wish you strength!

hugs

Maylie

Ps. Happy to hear you want to go back to meetings whatever you need to do for you do it!

jerect

We adopted the dog from the humane society, his name unfortunatly is on the paper work but it was my credit card that he used.. I however have all of her vet records in my name and the receipts showing that I paid for her heartworm pills, checkups etc..

I think he is just using the I'm going to take the dog as a manipulation tactic because i honestly think my AH is scared. He has no where to go and even if he were to get up enough money to find an apartment he wouldn't be able to get any lights or water turned on because he owes every utilty company in town hundreds of dollars from a long time ago -before I even met him... real winner isn't he???

jerect

It's a constant battle with him and the rent money.. some nights I get 20.00 and other nights I get 100.00.. I even said to him once that if he was living with anyone else he would be out on the streets by now.. he just looks at me in that drug induced haze like I'm an idiot or something so I just stopped arguing about it..

I think it's insane for me to keep my things like that in the trunk of my car, that is no way to live and I realize that.. I work a full time job and a small part time job cleaning someone's house so that I will have money to make the bills, pay extra so when the rent is late as it always is I'm not wondering how I'm going to pay the power bill, so I will be damned if I'm going to make his life cozy anymore..

outtolunch

It sounds like you are running a flop house. Given his payment of rent is so inconsistent, what's the real reason he's still around?

Dogs can be kenneled or otherwise temporarily relocated.
Plenty of people looking for rooms to rent, right now.

Sounds like you are reaching your own bottom.

I'm not remotely religious and yet felt empowered by the Serenity Prayer and it became a mantra.

supportforme

Jerect - Welcome back. In the past, I just read and didn't post for years b/c I was struggling so much. You'll reach a point where the fear of staying surpasses the fear of leaving. Set your boundries and keep posting. The folks on this site have been a God send for me. There were so many times that I began to think maybe he's "fixed" this time and came here to read the posts to give me the strength I needed. You deserve better. Start focusing on yourself and do not let his addiction destroy who you are. I believe his threat with the dog is just manipulation. What exactly is he going to do with the dog - he can't even take care of himself.

LoveMeNow

In my case, I used my dogs as an EXCUSE not to leave.

supportforme

Awwww...My exAH hasn't lived here since May. He was staying here during the storm and on the 1st nite the dog was prancing his feet and barking at him. Not in a happy waggy his tail so happy to see you way. More like - what the heck are you doing back here. This dog never barks. Thought that would bring a smile to you Brighter days will shine. Even the dogs know who to trust and love.

Faithlove

Jerect, Welcome back!

I know all about those 11th hour changes. They seem like the right thing to do right for that very minute....but a couple of weeks or days later, we come to our senses. Oh well. Sometimes, it takes a few "tries" before we get it right.

Yes, you are absolutely correct. Having to lock up the toilet paper is crazy living. So, stop. You don't need this guy. He's had a couple of years to prove himself to you and he doesn't really sound like my idea of Prince Charming. You are too good for him. Stop wasting your minutes living in chaos. Let yourself (and your dog) have the chance to be happy.

Do you own your home? If so, just change the locks. He's a big boy. I'm sure he has friends that he works with that will believe his story of what a meanie wife he has and they'll let him stay on their couch.

Then you can get a roommate that will actually be a productive member of your home.

Glad you're here!

Impurrfect

((jerect)) - Sorry things have continued to go downhill, but really glad to see you back here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

eveleivibe

Jerect just giving you a hug xxx
You don't need to come back with a tail between your legs. People are here for you. Stay strong xxx

Vale

(read this post in the gently sarcastic/humorous mode in which it was written)

Tail between your legs,huh?
Too ashamed to post?

There is a pecking order here on SR,jerect! Don't think you can just waltz right in
and go to the front of the sad story line!

Because we have SOOOO many people here who are counseled "just leave him or
her.... don't look back....and never think of them again".

And they just DO IT ---and never visit SR,or think of their ex,ever again!

Kinda like a fat friend of mine.One day I said "Mike,you are getting a little
chunky,buddy"...."you ought to eat less and exercise more"

Next time I saw him,he had lost about 100#.He said "Thanks,buddy--noone ever
told me that secret before!"

SR is all about ESH.I think it should be called ESD........easier said than done!

But back to the pecking order.......this man is your husband.The addict I cared
about was merely an aquaintance----she lived on the wrong side of the tracks and we
were separated by about 85 social levels---and there I was,rushing to any intersection
she texted me---to give her money.80% of the time she would F-up even THAT simple
task.....misspelled/late/wrong day.....would tell me one intersection then go to another!


So,bottom line......if you think your qualifications in the pathetic arts are in some
way special or noteworthy----think again.Some of us have been in the running for
the real deal.... serious contenders for the "pantheon of the sucker elite".

As far as your tail goes....get it out from between your legs and wag the crap
out of that thing .You are among friends here.You have the courage to post and tell
the truth......I can assure you that there are MANY out there who are working hard
on finding the strength to make their first post.

.....But if you think your story is more embarrassing than mine,you
are simply mistaken................but thanks for playing!!!!!!

LoveMeNow

Jeeesh Vale - do you need all the attention, all the time. lol

as always, I just love you Vale.

P.S. Can you meet on the corner of Codie and Suckerville at 7:00, I was hoping to borrow another $2,000. I will pay you back next week, with all the other money I owe you. My insurance check will be in then, I just called to verify it. You can call them if want to!! lol.

Vale

Codie and Suckerville.7pm.I'll be there.

And yeah,I DO need all the attention,all the time.It ESPECIALLY
ruffles my feathers when FNGs come on the boards insinuating
that they are dumber than me!

I OWN that intersection.I should have a parkbench NAMED for
me there! My ashes spread there come big dirt nap time.

2000.Would hundreds be OK?...'cuz that's alot of 20s to carry!

LoveMeNow

Well if your going to complain about carrying alot of 20's, I'll just find someone else who really cares. I thought you did, but I guess was wrong. I just hope yesterday wasn't the last time you will see me. If anything happens to me, please don't feel like its your fault....although you know it will be for not being there for ME when I needed you.

Vale

I'm so sorry!!!! It's just that you told me that the convenience store clerks
looked at you askance as you proffered them a Benjamin at 2:30am !

P.S.- No one is going to believe this,so I hesitate even writing it----but it is a
true story.Showing up with a $100 bill to the heartfelt gratitude of......

"Thanks.....butt.....uhhhh........(insert awkwark pause)"

"five 20s would have been better"

(Yes.......I am serious.)

---------------------------------------------------------------

jerect is now getting a sense of how outclassed she is in the
dog-eat-dog world of 'varsity dumb'

LoveMeNow

lol, oh i believe it.

Years ago, I bought the kids all their back to school clothes, tennis shoes, shoes, back packs, school supplies, etc and fed exed it down to them. I spent well over a $1000. I was under no obligation to do so. Their bio mom (a coke addict) then called me and was mad because I forgot underwear. sigh, lol

I got them socks though, lol.


oh and lolol @ " jerect is now getting a sense of how outclassed she is in the dog-eat-dog world of 'varsity dumb' "

crazybabie

jerect, I am glad you found the courage to come back you already know the strength you will get from here.

LoveMeNow

Sorry jerect, we didn't mean to hijack your thread.

We're just being silly...sometimes you just have to laugh at own stupidity or some of us may just postal.