Patience will help me...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: AR
Posts: 9
Patience will help me...
Hi all,
I'm 2 months into to the Al-Anon program. Each day I'm getting a little better with this "me" thing. I've had a sponsor for a couple of weeks now but she's not been availabe when I NEED somebody to talk to and it's frustrating and then I start feeling sorry for myself. Well after another attempt last nite to reach out to her to no avail, I sat down and started surfing the net and happened upon my favorite site for dog training advice and found an article that in reality parallels with the human events I'm going thru. Here is the first part of it, I listed the address at the bottom if you want the rest of it:
The Incredible Importance of Patience
It is not fashionable right now to suggest that something may not be done “in 5 easy steps� or in “ten short minutes� or “overnight� or by watching a video or going through some motions described. Everything capitalizes on our desire to have it quick and easy, over in 30 minutes and all with happy endings. Walt Disney and sitcoms have seen to that internal programming, and it is very satisfying. The sale of diet pills that promise to burn fat overnight are at an all-time high. Gosh don’t we all want the pill that makes us not eat, not smoke or drink or yell at our kids? And the funny thing about human nature is that no matter how natively intelligent we are, or chock full of common sense, we really do want definable, quantifiable and direct answers to our problems, including dog training. We want TIMETABLES and sequential steps and ANSWERS TO OUR QUESTIONS.
Nowhere in the advertising of the overnight or ten minutes successes is the mention of the word patience. Do you wonder why? It doesn’t sell. It doesn’t sell books, concepts, videos, seminars or otherwise bring money into the providing pockets. And yet, it is the secret to the great success stories just about anywhere on any subject. And it is absolutely one of the best kept secrets to successful dog training. Or any training.
"Or any training".......I cannot worry about where my marriage will be next week with my AH who is trying to recover on his own. How are we today? How am I? Am I treating him as a responsible adult, capable of taking care of him self or as two-year old? Why am I upset with him on the inside? Why am I holding back affection when I crave it, surely he does? Why do I feel like a stranger in my own house? Why do I feel sorry for myself? At what point did this independant, strong willed woman lose herself and WHY did she allow it to happen? There's still ? rolling around, but you already know that, I see it at the meetings.........
I know with time (patience) it will ALL work out....I just have to take it one day, one hour or just one minute and my higher power shows me I can do that. I catch myself before I become Mother Hen...."where ya been" "who ya been with" "when ya gonna be home". I know he's trying really hard and it must be difficult because it sure is hard to change my own way of thinking and he's been drinking longer than I thought about knowing him. But where's my empathy for him?
Instead of Stop, Look & Listen...it's been Stop, Think & Listen then say what I have on my mind. Anyway thanks for letting me get these thoughts out. I feel better and may try to call a different person on my list if my mind creates another convention and only invites myself, myself and myself.
If you want to read the rest of the article you can find it at the address below, there's a lot of good tips available for dog training.
http://gunclub-labs.com/tip.html
I'm 2 months into to the Al-Anon program. Each day I'm getting a little better with this "me" thing. I've had a sponsor for a couple of weeks now but she's not been availabe when I NEED somebody to talk to and it's frustrating and then I start feeling sorry for myself. Well after another attempt last nite to reach out to her to no avail, I sat down and started surfing the net and happened upon my favorite site for dog training advice and found an article that in reality parallels with the human events I'm going thru. Here is the first part of it, I listed the address at the bottom if you want the rest of it:
The Incredible Importance of Patience
It is not fashionable right now to suggest that something may not be done “in 5 easy steps� or in “ten short minutes� or “overnight� or by watching a video or going through some motions described. Everything capitalizes on our desire to have it quick and easy, over in 30 minutes and all with happy endings. Walt Disney and sitcoms have seen to that internal programming, and it is very satisfying. The sale of diet pills that promise to burn fat overnight are at an all-time high. Gosh don’t we all want the pill that makes us not eat, not smoke or drink or yell at our kids? And the funny thing about human nature is that no matter how natively intelligent we are, or chock full of common sense, we really do want definable, quantifiable and direct answers to our problems, including dog training. We want TIMETABLES and sequential steps and ANSWERS TO OUR QUESTIONS.
Nowhere in the advertising of the overnight or ten minutes successes is the mention of the word patience. Do you wonder why? It doesn’t sell. It doesn’t sell books, concepts, videos, seminars or otherwise bring money into the providing pockets. And yet, it is the secret to the great success stories just about anywhere on any subject. And it is absolutely one of the best kept secrets to successful dog training. Or any training.
"Or any training".......I cannot worry about where my marriage will be next week with my AH who is trying to recover on his own. How are we today? How am I? Am I treating him as a responsible adult, capable of taking care of him self or as two-year old? Why am I upset with him on the inside? Why am I holding back affection when I crave it, surely he does? Why do I feel like a stranger in my own house? Why do I feel sorry for myself? At what point did this independant, strong willed woman lose herself and WHY did she allow it to happen? There's still ? rolling around, but you already know that, I see it at the meetings.........
I know with time (patience) it will ALL work out....I just have to take it one day, one hour or just one minute and my higher power shows me I can do that. I catch myself before I become Mother Hen...."where ya been" "who ya been with" "when ya gonna be home". I know he's trying really hard and it must be difficult because it sure is hard to change my own way of thinking and he's been drinking longer than I thought about knowing him. But where's my empathy for him?
Instead of Stop, Look & Listen...it's been Stop, Think & Listen then say what I have on my mind. Anyway thanks for letting me get these thoughts out. I feel better and may try to call a different person on my list if my mind creates another convention and only invites myself, myself and myself.
If you want to read the rest of the article you can find it at the address below, there's a lot of good tips available for dog training.
http://gunclub-labs.com/tip.html
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Citizen of the world
Posts: 74
Re: Patience will help me...
Perhaps rather than “Stop, Look and Listen�, or even “Stop Think and Listen� it might actually come down to “Stop, and BE�. And although newcomers are often advised to “Sit down, shut up, take the cotton out of your ears, and put it in your mouth�, the flavor of such advice on this side often goes the other way, with the “Welcome Sweetie, Pull up a chair, tell us all about it, and don’t worry everything’s gonna be alright�.
Truth? I suppose both camps have their proponents and detractors, the pendulum swinging both ways between “hardline� and “feel good�, while we’re caught in the conundrum of ourselves looking for answers from people and programs we suspect of harboring such knowledge. The real wisdom of both those entities will invariably lead us back into the truth of ourselves bringing us full circle, more attuned to our “intent� less caught up in our “drama�.
Patience is a virtue, for it will reveal just what impatience will reveal ,minus the accompanying self serving feelings that immediate gratification demand. Perhaps also we’ve somehow extended or perhaps allowed the time line for the laws of synchronicity to take effect, and present us with yet another more palatable solution. Hmmm. Maybe we’re working on “Spiritual Law # 24� which suggests that “Everyone commends patience, yet few suffer well�.
Hard line, softline, patience or none. It is what it is, and we will be what we would.. We’re all doing the best that we can at any given moment. Here and now is the point and the proof.
Jeff
Truth? I suppose both camps have their proponents and detractors, the pendulum swinging both ways between “hardline� and “feel good�, while we’re caught in the conundrum of ourselves looking for answers from people and programs we suspect of harboring such knowledge. The real wisdom of both those entities will invariably lead us back into the truth of ourselves bringing us full circle, more attuned to our “intent� less caught up in our “drama�.
Patience is a virtue, for it will reveal just what impatience will reveal ,minus the accompanying self serving feelings that immediate gratification demand. Perhaps also we’ve somehow extended or perhaps allowed the time line for the laws of synchronicity to take effect, and present us with yet another more palatable solution. Hmmm. Maybe we’re working on “Spiritual Law # 24� which suggests that “Everyone commends patience, yet few suffer well�.
Hard line, softline, patience or none. It is what it is, and we will be what we would.. We’re all doing the best that we can at any given moment. Here and now is the point and the proof.
Jeff
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