bonesofhope

I came across SR a few months ago, in a hungover, ashamed crawl for some help. Read the forums, called an alcohol helpline, cried at a woman who obviously didn't really know what to say to make me stop, started drinking again a few days later. I turned 24 recently and have been drinking for almost ten years. My grandfather was an alcoholic, my aunt died of kidney failure and pancreatitis linked to alcoholism and my mum, though I hesitate to call her an alcoholic, definitely has a bad relationship with alcohol. I guess my drinking has been really bad for around 6 years. I chose not to go to university at 18 as I wanted to have fun, make some money. This turned into 3 years of pure depression and heavy drinking. I put on a lot of weight and went out with a man who physically and mentally abused me. I left him at 21, fell in love with somebody kind who I am still with now. But then the drinking got really bad again. I ended up cheating on him (I don't really remember it, I just remember waking up and feeling like I had been punched in the stomach with shock). He knew I had a drink problem and forgave me, as long as I gave up. I gave up drinking for a month. I felt AMAZING. And then I had one drink, and quickly it descended to the same. Drinking every night, being horrible and embarrassing. In the past few months I've fallen in front of a fast moving car off of a kerb and it almost ran me over. I've also woken up with a bruise on the back of my arm the size of someones hand- I have no idea who's hand, or why they grabbed me that hard. I've been mortified by stories of my drunken behaviour on countless occasions.

So a year later, here I am.

I read that 6 units of alcohol is considered "harmful drinking". My last drinking session on Saturday night, the drinks that I remember, I must have had over 20 units. I don't remember at least 8 hours of the night. Blackouts constantly. Grey, bloated skin. Always tired and unable to concentrate.
I woke up Sunday morning knowing that it has to stop. I have had this feeling before but now it HAS TO STOP. I have gone back to university and have found it difficult to combine drinking and working. I keep having visions of who I want to be and where I want to be and I know I need to stop drinking to fulfil this. I haven't told anyone but my boyfriend.

I just need to feel healthy again. Unfoggy.
Hopefully this is it.

Impurrfect

((bonesofhope)) - Welcome to SR! Good for you, realizing the drinking needs to stop, at such a young age. I wish I had paid attention at your age.

I think if you read around, you will find there are many other young people here. I do have to say, though, I've found support no matter what the age or substance abused and I think you will too

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

YoungAndClean

First off welcome to Sober Recovery. Second off, your not a bad person. Your a problem drinker/alcoholic whatever you want to call it just like I am. I recall a lot of chaos, self-harm, regret, and horrible decisions due to alcohol. Use responsibly? Whats that I would say? I started drinking at age 16, it worked for a few years but by 19-20 I was definitly and alcoholic and in college around 23-24 I drank heavily/used drugs and got a dui, lost all my friends, hurt my family, went broke time and time again. Life was just a roller coaster. I told myself I would quit hundreds of times, I have had so many days hungover feeling like death where I would sincerly tell myself, okay this cant go on I quit. When my parents would kick me out of their house and I was broke and had no where to go because I couldn't follow their rules and live sober. I had my personality and good things about me stripped away and drinking made me stupider. Until I admit I'm an alcoholic and that I can't quit and stay sober for longterm there is little hope for me. I looked into AA and now am working on putting my faith into AA and God/Jesus for me. I know I sure couldn't quit drinking, but I fully believe the Lord can. I wish you all the best and try not to beat yourself up for what you've done. I assure you there are many on here that have done similar things and worse than you.

SoberForMySon

Welcome. You're in the right place! So many of us can relate. I have a week today, and if I can do it, I think you can too! Stick around.

least

Welcome to SR!

Hevyn

Welcome! This can definitely be the end of that scary ride, bones. You never have to put yourself through that again.

Every time I drank I did foolish, embarassing, and dangerous things. My answer was to try and control the amounts I drank - I didn't see that I had to give it up all together. I spent many years on a crazy rollercoaster ride, fighting the idea of getting sober. Now that I have almost 5 years, I wonder why I held on to it so desperately. It was bringing me nothing but misery and despair.

I'm glad you've decided to take action. You can feel healthy and alive again. Keep posting - we care about you.

artsoul

Welcome bonesofhope -

When I first came here, I didn't have much hope I'd be able to get/stay sober because I'd broken so many promises to myself to stop or cut down. I just couldn't do it on my own. I spent a lot of time here and took it one day (or one hour) at a time. It gets easier/better as you go......

All I can say is put your heart and soul into it and get lots of support (this place is great for that!) You can do it!

TheDarkSide

Hey bonesofhope
Wow you sound just like me .! I'm also new to this and im 23 about to be 24 the 14th of this month . I am a heavy drinker and the last time I drank was sunday and don't remember most of my night . I hardly ever do . I almost got myself killed a couple times esp drinking and driving .! I also realized my drinking needs to stop . I've been drinking for 10 years now and don't want to add another year to it ! I've destroyed relationships , family matters , friends etc . And I'm pretty close on destroying my marriage ! Good luck bonesofhope and I hope you find the cure such as health and happiness as well as i I seek to find it !

ashamedhfa

Welcome bonesofhope. I'm 4 days sober too. I admire your courage to quit. Hang in there. One day at a time.

Dee74

There some great support and advice here bones
I recommend our Class of November thread for anybody trying to quit this month

D

bonesofhope

Thanks everyone. Feel like I'm in a very dark place right now, but hoping that this is finally the time to end the cycle.

bonesofhope

Good luck! We have so much more ahead of us

Natom

Hey bones,

Another youngun here, 23. It's always good to decide to sort your life out sooner rather than later. You find that the overall attitude towards young people getting clean and sober is positive. However during your time in recovery you may find some people who say we can't do it because we haven't had enough bad consequences from our using. Ignore them and just recover. If you really want it you will get it.

Natom.

bonesofhope

I have found that with friends, when I have tried to talk to them about my drinking, have tried to tell me that "it's all part of being young". Incredibly frustrating to be told that when you are trying to change. Part of being young is getting into cars with drunk strangers? Waking up naked and not knowing how you got there? Almost losing your loved ones and home and job because of your behaviour? That doesn't sound normal to me. Good luck to us both!