How to take the first steps to sobriety when my spouse is also an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
How to take the first steps to sobriety when my spouse is also an alcoholic?
Hi,
I been with my fiance for over 10 years now and we have had a drug addiction past. We have overcome our drug addiction and have been drug free for 3 yrs now. However, we are now drinking practically every day. It has been like this for the past 8 months now. Before our alcohol addiction, we probably drink 3 times a week and now it is every day. I do not know what to do with him and I know I can quit drinking easily without him. My temptation to drink is frequently trigger by him. I am determine to quit, but do not know how to do it living with my fiance. We are deeply in love and we plan on getting married. I cannot see myself being if anyone else (and same goes with him)....I do not know what to do. I also have a great full-time job and am full time graduate student. Do I just try to quit by myself first and hope to be an inspiration for him to stop drinking also?
I been with my fiance for over 10 years now and we have had a drug addiction past. We have overcome our drug addiction and have been drug free for 3 yrs now. However, we are now drinking practically every day. It has been like this for the past 8 months now. Before our alcohol addiction, we probably drink 3 times a week and now it is every day. I do not know what to do with him and I know I can quit drinking easily without him. My temptation to drink is frequently trigger by him. I am determine to quit, but do not know how to do it living with my fiance. We are deeply in love and we plan on getting married. I cannot see myself being if anyone else (and same goes with him)....I do not know what to do. I also have a great full-time job and am full time graduate student. Do I just try to quit by myself first and hope to be an inspiration for him to stop drinking also?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome dystiny!
It's so easy for us to trade one addiction for another....good for you for seeing it and wanting to get sober. It tough when your partner is still drinking, but others have done it, so it's not totally impossible.
Have you talked to him about it? Maybe you could do some things together that don't involve drinking.....
It's so easy for us to trade one addiction for another....good for you for seeing it and wanting to get sober. It tough when your partner is still drinking, but others have done it, so it's not totally impossible.
Have you talked to him about it? Maybe you could do some things together that don't involve drinking.....
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi dystiny 
Having a partner who drink or does drugs can be a challenge, but I don't think it's a dealbreaker...
after all most of us find we're still surrounded by others, even in our everyday life, who still do what we used to do...
You just need to ramp up your own sober support - & you'll find a lot of that here
welcome!
D
Having a partner who drink or does drugs can be a challenge, but I don't think it's a dealbreaker...
after all most of us find we're still surrounded by others, even in our everyday life, who still do what we used to do...
You just need to ramp up your own sober support - & you'll find a lot of that here
welcome!
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
I am attempting today to resist from drinking...at work right now, but when I get off I'm heading to the gym. Exercising really helps me be more positive and I actually been slacking on it... Wish me luck and it's going to be really hard for me esp. when I get home...Thank you for everyones support
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR dystiny
Do you think your partner may want to quit too? Either way the only way to do it is for yourself. I lived with another alcoholic before so I have thought about how tough this must be. I think it must make it harder in some ways but like you said, I am sure you would inspire him too x
Do you think your partner may want to quit too? Either way the only way to do it is for yourself. I lived with another alcoholic before so I have thought about how tough this must be. I think it must make it harder in some ways but like you said, I am sure you would inspire him too x
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Hi dystiny,
In that situation but reversed, it was him that didn't drink while I did. We have a shared oxy addiction in the past as well as drinking and smoking weed. BUt he has been clean and sober 4+ years now while I made 2.5 years then have been off and on with it and he lived separately for a while but now is back....for our family and just as friends at first.
He would even stop off and get beer for me to keep me from driving but never hang out with me more than a few minutes. He would remove himself to his mancave and stay busy with his own life.
He made his boundaries clear, went to his meetings and commitments etc, and told me he did not like living in a place where someone was using alcohol. He told me he loved me and how much fun we could have if I was sober. He goes to concerts pretty often with sober friends. I came around and am now in recovery too and things are getting much better. We are even back together.
Good luck to you!
In that situation but reversed, it was him that didn't drink while I did. We have a shared oxy addiction in the past as well as drinking and smoking weed. BUt he has been clean and sober 4+ years now while I made 2.5 years then have been off and on with it and he lived separately for a while but now is back....for our family and just as friends at first.
He would even stop off and get beer for me to keep me from driving but never hang out with me more than a few minutes. He would remove himself to his mancave and stay busy with his own life.
He made his boundaries clear, went to his meetings and commitments etc, and told me he did not like living in a place where someone was using alcohol. He told me he loved me and how much fun we could have if I was sober. He goes to concerts pretty often with sober friends. I came around and am now in recovery too and things are getting much better. We are even back together.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Welcome!
It is difficult but not impossible
I did it & months later, my husband quit. It put a strain on us but we are strong. It sounds like you guys are committed to each other. If he sees the positive changes in you, he may eventually come around.
but you must do it for yourself, whether or not he joins you. Best wishes.
It is difficult but not impossible
I did it & months later, my husband quit. It put a strain on us but we are strong. It sounds like you guys are committed to each other. If he sees the positive changes in you, he may eventually come around.
but you must do it for yourself, whether or not he joins you. Best wishes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
Hi everyone, today I took the 1st step and haven't drink after getting off work and exercising.. I'm going to try to keep not drinking, but I'm scared of course. What do I need to do to keep being positive and not get tempted by my partner?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
I think my partner can stop drinking, but he has always had an addictive personality so I think it is much more difficult for him...We need to work on not enabling each other when it comes to drinking...In order for me to help him is not to enable drinking by drinking with him and buying alcohol..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 5
hi hcantral,
I have always talked to him about drinking and how we need to stop....and he knows that I been using SR as a support group...he's proud of me and even though he did drink yetersday, he did not drink much at all. It's going to be a long weekend since it's Veteran's Day; however, I am exercising again and I agee it keeps me sane. Thanks for the support and pray for me as this is my day 2 of my sobriety...
I have always talked to him about drinking and how we need to stop....and he knows that I been using SR as a support group...he's proud of me and even though he did drink yetersday, he did not drink much at all. It's going to be a long weekend since it's Veteran's Day; however, I am exercising again and I agee it keeps me sane. Thanks for the support and pray for me as this is my day 2 of my sobriety...
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