zanzibar

I didn't put this in the anxiety area as I wouldn't get any responce there till my problem has been resolved one way or another. A new sports bar has opened in town and a group of guys I ride with have more or less told me I'm going with them. I'm not worried about drinking as they fully respect the fact I don't drink, and if they caught me with a drink I know any one of them would smack me over the head with it. What I'm concerned about is the anxiety. I do less than poorly in crowds, and I'm worried about losing my cool when I don't have an outlet for the anxiety. I don't want to tell them about my problem with the anxiety as I don't know if they'd be interested in riding with a big wuss which is what I feel like when I have to leave situations I can't handle.

I don't want to make an excuse as to why I can't go as I already lost this group once when I made constant excuses in the past, and have only asked me to start riding with them again recently. right now I'm sitting here watching the clock and dreading it constantly moving closer to five o'clock it's coming up on noon for me here.

I really don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm hoping on magically getting over this, maybe I'm hoping for an answer to my dilema, or maybe I'm just posting it to make myself feel better. All I know for sure is that the anxiety is building by the minute. I have all kinds of coping tecniques I've learned and developed over the years, and I know that deep down I'm making a mountain out of a molehill again which seems to be what I do best.

Thanks for listening. I really don't want press the submit button but something is compelling me to do so.

MIRecovery

I would just be honest with them. Tell them being in a drinking situation can make you feel uncomfortable and that you need to drive seperately. When the time comes just say sorry but it is time for me to go.

In my case I did not do drinking situations for 1.5 years and even today I avoid them but under any circumstances I have a way out if I need to leave.

Rachelmichelle

I would rather be watching the clock in anticipation of doing something I love rather than something I dread. It's great that your friends are supportive in regards to the drinking, perhaps they'd be supportive in regards to your anxiety as well. Either way, it seems that if you're honest and they ditch you, they weren't worth riding with anyway and if they're supportive, you get the blessing of actual friends that truly know you and will stand by you in all situations. Listen to the still small voice because God doesn't yell, he whispers and waits

awuh1

It’s a given that you will be anxious about the outing so just allow yourself to have some anxiety. Don’t fight the anxiety (so much as) just accept it. I know… easier said than done.

I don’t know if this suggestion will help, but there are times when the best thing I can do is to focus on other people’s needs. These guys want you to join them, so they must think you bring something positive to event. Perhaps you already know what that quality or qualities are. In any event, focus relentlessly on what you can do to contribute to their enjoyment of the outing. You may find that, to the extent you are able to selflessly focus on them, you will enjoy the event yourself.

soberlicious

I agree with awuh1. Since this is not about drinking and you are in no danger of that happening, perhaps it might be a good time to push out of your comfort zone on the anxiety thing just a bit. Only you know when enough is enough and it's time to roll.

"The only way out is through" ~Robert Frost

Hope it works out well for you. xo

zanzibar

The fact that I'm going is a forgone conclussion. It's not the drinking establishment that bothers me so much as the crowd thing. I haven't drank in over 14 years and although I fully realize it's neverending I have absolutely no problem going to bars with friends as long as they're not crowded. I'm the kind of person who does their shopping at all night stores at 2:00 AM so I don't have to deal with people. I feel I have to go as I really want to get over this, and I feel the only way I can get over it is by doing it. I like your idea Awuh. I sort of don't want to go but deep down I think it would be good for me to go.

Dee74

While my issues don't always kick in, I do have crowd and noise issues - my friends know this and they don't think I'm a wuss...

I think true friends, friends worth keeping, accept you for who you are Zanz

I pretty much do what MIR suggested - I make my own way there...if I feel uncomfortable, and the coping stuff isn't cutting the mustard, I make my excuses and leave.

D

zanzibar

I'm back and I survived. It was a little rough at first but I soon calmed down. I'm glad I went though cause I think it was good to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit as that is the only way I'm going to get on with my life. And it was kind of nice to get out even though bars really aren't my favorite destinations anymore.

I have another coping technique if nothing else, thanks Awuh. The concept of flowing with the anxiety instead of fighting it is something I've been told many times over and I even tell others this, but for some reason when it comes to dealing with my own anxiety that concept seems to fall out of my fat head.

I fully agree MIR and I never go anywhere without an escape route which always includes my own transportation and I always go alone so I'm never forced to stick around until someone else is ready to go, cause if I ever did start craving a drink then I can assure you wuss or not I would be outta there in a heartbeat.

It's unbelievable the improvements in my mind since I've been a member here. You're going to put my pdoc out of work.

I feel like an awkward teenager asking mom and dad for advice before going out, so thanks moms and dads.

awuh1

Truth is Zanz, I was not going to post anything today. I was in a bad mood. Then I saw your post and said to myself …. well I just might be able to be a bit helpful. Not that I particularly wanted to be helpful, not in the mood I was in, but that’s not how I live my life now. It’s not about me. It’s about something far more vast and important.

You know what happened about 60 seconds after I hit the send button to reply to your post? A friend called (who I had not had word from in awhile)and asked me if I wanted to go to a meeting. It completely changed my mood. It’s like sometimes the cosmos sends a message. I just need to be open to hear it.

A “teenager asking mom and dad for advice“, no not hardly… just one alcoholic helping another. I'm glad it went well.

zanzibar

You gotta take time to think about yourself too Awuh cause you matter as well. I'm glad you felt better after your meeting though.

awuh1

Actually it was the call that brightened my spirits.

I have to post this. It just came in my email 5 mins. ago. The theme is so apparent and has been recurring all day. Just some synchronicity …… and a bit of good karma I suspect.

"When we see ants and bees out in the world, we often see just one, but this belies the reality of their situation. More than any other species, ants and bees function as parts of a whole. Often, humans, on the other hand, strongly value individuality and often negatively associate ants and bees with a lack of independence. And yet, if we look closer at these amazing creatures, we can learn valuable lessons about how much we can achieve when we band together with others to work for a higher purpose.
They work within the confines of their roles without complaint, never wishing to be something other than what they are, symbolizing self-knowledge and humility. They also display selfless service as they work for the common good. Ants personify the ability to see beyond one’s small self to one’s place within the greater whole, and the ability to serve this whole selflessly."