SavingSelf

I have yet to get to an AA meeting this week--but I plan on it this Thurs. night.

Years ago, I think I was about 25, I went to a few AA meetings and obviously didn't think I had a big enough problem (yet). I couldn't get past the powerless concept among other things. I thought I had to be powerful to stop/control my drinking.

Well, 15 years of drinking (on and off) later, I think I have/had a big enough problem.

I've re-thought the powerless concept these past few days.

I am powerful enough to not drink that first drink. I have that power. I am going to therapy. I will try AA. I read and post at SR. I will use all and any tools necessary to not drink that first drink.

If I choose to drink that drink, I lose my power. Even if I entertain the idea that I CAN moderate my drinking in any shape or form now or in the future--I lose my power.

And THEN, I AM powerless over alcohol.

Also helpful these past 11 days has been using sobriety terms in thinking about not drinking. Rather than, "I WANT a drink". I reshape my thought to, "I am having a craving to drink because I am an alcoholic".

Finally, rather than using situations as an "excuse", again I just keep repeating to myself that I am an alcoholic and that's why I drank so much. I wasn't drinking because my daughter is sick. I was drinking because I am an alcoholic, and my addictive voice will use anything and everything to get me to justify that first drink.

Lots of people have sick kids. My guess is only the alcoholic parents would drink as much as I did each week.

Thanks for being here everyone.

IndaMiricale

Glad your coming back to where the seed was planted.

Like many that come early , you had to go let the alcohol progress. So welcome home.

SDSurfn

I need to keep it real simple.

After I take a drink, I am powerless. I'm not calling the shots anymore, anything can happen, alcohol is in control.

Once I accepted this, deep in my heart, I was able to surrender.

Now I know I don't ever have to take that first drink. I have something greater than me on my side. What a relief!

Be willing to accept, be willing to surrender.

All the best, my friend.

tomsteve

self, what you describe is what the program teaches about powerless. its only the 1st one we have power or a choice over.

bbthumper

My experience is different. I had no power over the first drink. I had a strange mental obsession that always convinced me to drink. The memories of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago were not sufficient to deter me from taking the first drink as the Big Book talks about. I had lost the choice in drink. I was without defense against the first drink. Will power was useless. Then, once a drink was in me, I had little or no control over the amount that I was drinking.

So I have a body which must not have alcohol because of a physical allergy which makes it impossible to control how much I drink. And I have a mental obsession which doesn't let me not drink. Bottom line for me is that unless I tap into a power greater than myself, I will drink no matter what. Its not my choice.

Thats where the necessity for a Higher Power came in for me. I had to have a defense against the first drink. If my lack of control after the first drink was the only problem, then the answer is simply "dont drink", but that never worked for me.

Zencat

I too had a 'mental obsession' to drink/drug that compelled me to drink. I would drink at every chance I had, even at times when it was very important that I didn't drink. Rather calling my experience 'powerless', I understand that 'I was out of control'.

I was once out of control, however I can regain control (with direction) and free myself from the influence of alcohol.

renaldo

SavingSelf,

Your approach makes a lot of sense to me. A lot of people have a tough day at work and it never occurs to them to drink. There's never a shortage of reasons to drink (my team won, my team lost, I'm bored... the list goes on and on).

freshstart57

I think that most of us are indeed powerless once we've had a drink or two or three, the number doesn't really matter because all judgement goes sideways with some alcohol in our systems.
The issue then is our ability to choose to refuse that first drink. If we can do that, so many options open up. We can learn to recognize and deal with that 'addictive voice that will use anything and everything to get us to justify that first drink'. We can learn to separate our rational minds from the addict's cravings, and to strengthen our ability to decide to quit and stay quit for good.

Making a plan about continuing to drink in the future, and believing in our own ability to keep to this plan are essential. A sick child needs a sober dad, SavingSelf, and you are the man for the job. Hope she recovers soon.

Dee74

Prayers for you and your family, especially your daughter SavingSelf

D

SavingSelf

Thanks (I am a woman...but I know what you mean). Her diagnosis is terminal--but we always have hope that perhaps a cure and a reversal would be possible.

She does need me sober, and not hungover, and justifying drinking only at night while she slept was just my addictive voice talking.

Thanks everyone for your responses and additional input/thoughts. It helps.