Rosie1011

I'm so scared! And so tired!
DH (dear hubby, the reason I'm here) old dealer got out. He's trying to help this guy set his life back up, but...lets just say OD (old dealer) isn't making legal choices.
Before OD got out, DH had almost a month of being clean. He hadn't been going to meetings past the first initial one but he was clean so I didn't argue...much.
Anyway he went to hang out with OD to sort of celebrate him being out & guess who fell off the wagon
Meanwhile I'm left at home dealing with trying to get our apartment office to schedule a bed bug treatment.
To make a long story shorter, they finally scheduled it last night for Wednesday & does DH tell OD that he needs to drop stuff (trying to help OD set "his life" back up) & just work & help me. NO! DH is currently trying to balance all 3 work (60-70 hours a week), OD, & our family stuff.
Guess who's getting the short end of the stick here...
I've been with this man 13 years & I just had to tell him that if he didn't start going back to meetings that I would find a way for our LO (little one) & I to be physically moved out by Christmas.
I don't even know if I am strong enough to be a single parent but I know in our current situation I am not being the parent I need to be.
Please pray for us! I'm so scared & heart-broken! I had to do this over the phone & DH said that he heard me & was feeling convicted & wiping away tears but he was still trying to convince me why he is helping OD as well. I kept stopping him & telling him that he wasn't understanding what I've been saying.
I pray that the Spirit of the Lord that is with the man that leads the meetings (he is a member of our church so I know him a bit) can get through to my codependent addict.
I could really use some emotional support right now & some confirmation (with the little you guys know of course) that I did the right thing.
Thanks! Gotta go clean & prep the house but I'll check back later. Tried to log in to the chat room but my browser can't find the right plug-in.

kmangel

So sorry you are having to deal with this. I'm sure you were hopeful that your husband would see the light when his OD went to jail.

What you must come to realize is that your husband's addiction is his battle to fight, not yours. You either stay with him as an addict or move on. Do you want your LO to grow up with an addict father in the home? At some point in time your husband may decide to get his act together and go straight, but right now his hanging out with his former (and now current again) dealer speaks volumes. He must leave all his former drug using friends behind. He can not have a clean and sober life and drug using friends he hangs out with. He's not ready to give drugs up.

So you either keep on doing what you've been doing or do something different. You do have choices.

dollydo

I am sorry but your husband is not in recovery, he is an active user and nothing will get better until he falls to his knees and embraces a strong recovery progem. He will be an
addict all his life, it is just a matter of whether he is clean and working a recovery program or not. He has less than a 10% chance of staying clean for life....not good odds. Plus your
child has inherited the gene that predisposes him/her to addiction. 50% either become addicts themselves or marry one and living in a home where addiction is present only
increases the odds.

Your child should be your priority, him? It is all up to him.

I am sorry that you are facing this situation, however, you have options. A child would rather be raised in a home with one responsible parent than being raised in a toxic enviornment. Children carry their childhood into adulthood. I know, I've been there.

Rosie1011

dollydo, I'm confused. Do you mean that when I thought he was clean he could have just been lying to me. I suppose you could be right. I know he wasn't working the program. He didn't go to the meetings.
I do understand the addict all his life thing. I know that addiction is like cancer & the best you can get is "in remission" as it were.
I do understand there is a genetic predisposition too. After all DH's father is "in remission" as it were from alcoholism but is a pretty active drug user & my mother is a co-dependent. Wonder if there is a genetic angle to that too.

kmangel

You had co-dependency modeled to you. We tend to replay what we were taught growing up. I believe my husband is more the co-dependent than I am.

My husband's father was alcoholic, his mother co-dependent. I had neither addiction nor co-dependency modeled to me growing up. My husband ignored our son's drug/alcohol abuse when it began as a teenager where as I saw there was a serious problem. The difference in our personal experiences growing up certainly impacted how we faced our son's addiction.

Rosie1011

Well kmangel that does give me one more shove toward physically starting Nar-Anon. I was planning on doing it on Monday anyway (that is when my local meeting is according to the website) after hitting some pretty hard rock bottoms myself the last few days.
I love honesty! Thanks you guys!