Feel sucker punched
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Feel sucker punched
well....today was the court case where my ex husband was charged with domestic violence/cyber stalking by a woman he dated for a couple of months last summer. She subpoenaed me as a witness.
I have had a cascade of ugly texts and emails from him over the last two days - which was expected. All unkind, all about how I walked out on our family, did him wrong with money, etc. etc. I was showing my true colors by being willing to testify against him.
I went down to court, did the whole make up thing/look nice. My mom and sister went with me. A good friend of mine is a chief justice and she even came and sat with me. The plaintiff and defendent show up....go out and talk to lawyers. Plaintiff disappears. Lawyer comes and tells me that there isn't enough evidence to prosecute and I can leave. Ex husband learns that case is dismissed and he escalated into this gleeful, manical laughing, smug reaction. I leave. Then I get text message .....you look like you've packed on some pounds - maybe 25? Hope that you and Mommy are celebrating my dismissal!"
He knew how to hurt me and he did. This is one cruel, mean, toxic man. I made a horrible mistake not prosecuting him when I could. It is scary that he is out conning more people. He already has a new girlfriend, of course. He feels vindicated and even more bullet proof than he did before. He was subdued initially today but then actually looked like he got a jolt of some drug (high on his victory).
I weigh the same as I always did....too much but definitely not higher than I have for years. It just really hurt.
It was disappointing that the charges were dropped. It's almost worse because now he knows that he can get away with stuff.....I could see it in his eyes. More license to do what he does.
How come life never seems to kick down some people? How come such bad people can walk away from every situation unscathed? He has so many people conned - including new girlfriend.
So.....I had let my phone blocks lapse and my emails too. Burned bad. Filters all back on now however. Just not soon enough to keep from getting the sucker punch text.
What a reminder of a low life jerk I chose at one point. And why NO CONTACT is the only way to deal with sociopathic and narcisstic people.
I hate how empowered and gleeful he looked when the case was dismissed.
I accept the things I cannot change (him, what happened, the fact that I spent ANY of my life with him), the courage to change the things I can (no contact), and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sometimes it's just really hard to deal with the number of years I allowed him to rob me of my life and the impact that he had on my children. I am so disappointed in myself for allowing him to do the damage that he did. I tried SO HARD to make it work...when I should have known that dealing with him was lethal. I've known him for decades, knew his reputation. Just bought into it that he had changed. And then got dragged down.
Thanks ya'll though for the support in advance of this. I had let go of expectations but this was still a kicker.
I have had a cascade of ugly texts and emails from him over the last two days - which was expected. All unkind, all about how I walked out on our family, did him wrong with money, etc. etc. I was showing my true colors by being willing to testify against him.
I went down to court, did the whole make up thing/look nice. My mom and sister went with me. A good friend of mine is a chief justice and she even came and sat with me. The plaintiff and defendent show up....go out and talk to lawyers. Plaintiff disappears. Lawyer comes and tells me that there isn't enough evidence to prosecute and I can leave. Ex husband learns that case is dismissed and he escalated into this gleeful, manical laughing, smug reaction. I leave. Then I get text message .....you look like you've packed on some pounds - maybe 25? Hope that you and Mommy are celebrating my dismissal!"
He knew how to hurt me and he did. This is one cruel, mean, toxic man. I made a horrible mistake not prosecuting him when I could. It is scary that he is out conning more people. He already has a new girlfriend, of course. He feels vindicated and even more bullet proof than he did before. He was subdued initially today but then actually looked like he got a jolt of some drug (high on his victory).
I weigh the same as I always did....too much but definitely not higher than I have for years. It just really hurt.
It was disappointing that the charges were dropped. It's almost worse because now he knows that he can get away with stuff.....I could see it in his eyes. More license to do what he does.
How come life never seems to kick down some people? How come such bad people can walk away from every situation unscathed? He has so many people conned - including new girlfriend.
So.....I had let my phone blocks lapse and my emails too. Burned bad. Filters all back on now however. Just not soon enough to keep from getting the sucker punch text.
What a reminder of a low life jerk I chose at one point. And why NO CONTACT is the only way to deal with sociopathic and narcisstic people.
I hate how empowered and gleeful he looked when the case was dismissed.
I accept the things I cannot change (him, what happened, the fact that I spent ANY of my life with him), the courage to change the things I can (no contact), and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sometimes it's just really hard to deal with the number of years I allowed him to rob me of my life and the impact that he had on my children. I am so disappointed in myself for allowing him to do the damage that he did. I tried SO HARD to make it work...when I should have known that dealing with him was lethal. I've known him for decades, knew his reputation. Just bought into it that he had changed. And then got dragged down.
Thanks ya'll though for the support in advance of this. I had let go of expectations but this was still a kicker.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry Lightseeker. (((hugs)))
His day is coming. It always does but when it does....you won't even care. Indifference comes after the process of grief. Hang in there!!
You did the right thing, an empowering thing.....no matter how it turned out!!
His day is coming. It always does but when it does....you won't even care. Indifference comes after the process of grief. Hang in there!!
You did the right thing, an empowering thing.....no matter how it turned out!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Thanks for letting us know what happened, Lightseeker, sad as it turned out. I, too, know this personality profile and have been in similar court settings, so I am truly sorry for your pain today.
You still did the right thing by going! Don't ever forget that! I know you are beating yourself up for not prosecuting him way back when, but try to let go of that now. You couldn't do it then, for whatever reason. It's in the past. But TODAY you did everything you could to help another victim, and regardless of the outcome, that's what matters most of all.
I am sure you looked great. Don't give that insult the dignity to live in your brain or heart for another precious second!
You showed up. That is what matters. Your actions matter.
Take care. Give yourself a treat tonight.
You still did the right thing by going! Don't ever forget that! I know you are beating yourself up for not prosecuting him way back when, but try to let go of that now. You couldn't do it then, for whatever reason. It's in the past. But TODAY you did everything you could to help another victim, and regardless of the outcome, that's what matters most of all.
I am sure you looked great. Don't give that insult the dignity to live in your brain or heart for another precious second!
You showed up. That is what matters. Your actions matter.
Take care. Give yourself a treat tonight.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Thanks so much ya'll....I'm already feeling better. Yep. All avenues to me are blocked. And blocked more thoroughly than ever.
Just the fact that I was willing is what mattered to me. And probably what trigged so much more of his verbal/emotional abuse. And I do realize that the only thing worse than the time I spent with him would be to let those regrets take up ANY more of my time or energy.
Chicory....Yes....living well is the best revenge. Funny, I weighed myself right before I left so I know that I wasn't "up". BTW....he looked OLD. You can lose fat but you can't lose old. I'm older than he is but he looked like "grandpa". Granted, a good looking grandpa ...but still.
Erica....I had exactly the same thought. His entitlement and bravado is bound to make him sloppier. I know that it is a matter of time (or not) but the further I get away from him the less that matters.
C.O......I'm very fortunate that the DNA of my son's is not connected to him in any way. He was their step father so fortunately there is no need to interact. My email filters have improved and are tighter than when last I checked. I feel a whole lot safer.
Freedom....I'm incredibly grateful to have this low life out of my life. He is mean. He is toxic. He is cruel. Good riddance. I used to spend a lot of my energy patching myself back together after he tore me down. Glad to away from that. Today was a great reminder to "gratitude it" big time.
Faithlove...thanks for the vote of support. I felt "brave" and that was a nice feeling to have when he was in the area. A different thing for me.
LMN.....true words! I'm grateful that this board has taught me about expectations. Yes. I did have them but they didn't run wild. What was important to me was standing up to him. And I did. The important thing was being willing.
GardenMama....what healing words to hear. There is a "personality profile" for sure. Reminds me of the quote from the movie War Games.....the only way to win is not to play. Some people are so manipulative, cunning, and toxic that you can only walk wide around them. His day will come....
EJG....yes...you are so right. I didn't back down. He knew it and that's why he had to take the shot that he knew would hurt me the most. Showed some more of this true colors.
So.....thank ya'll all again. I'm going to go get my jammies on and curl up with my book. And count my many many blessings......each one of you being at the top of the list!
Just the fact that I was willing is what mattered to me. And probably what trigged so much more of his verbal/emotional abuse. And I do realize that the only thing worse than the time I spent with him would be to let those regrets take up ANY more of my time or energy.
Chicory....Yes....living well is the best revenge. Funny, I weighed myself right before I left so I know that I wasn't "up". BTW....he looked OLD. You can lose fat but you can't lose old. I'm older than he is but he looked like "grandpa". Granted, a good looking grandpa ...but still.
Erica....I had exactly the same thought. His entitlement and bravado is bound to make him sloppier. I know that it is a matter of time (or not) but the further I get away from him the less that matters.
C.O......I'm very fortunate that the DNA of my son's is not connected to him in any way. He was their step father so fortunately there is no need to interact. My email filters have improved and are tighter than when last I checked. I feel a whole lot safer.
Freedom....I'm incredibly grateful to have this low life out of my life. He is mean. He is toxic. He is cruel. Good riddance. I used to spend a lot of my energy patching myself back together after he tore me down. Glad to away from that. Today was a great reminder to "gratitude it" big time.
Faithlove...thanks for the vote of support. I felt "brave" and that was a nice feeling to have when he was in the area. A different thing for me.
LMN.....true words! I'm grateful that this board has taught me about expectations. Yes. I did have them but they didn't run wild. What was important to me was standing up to him. And I did. The important thing was being willing.
GardenMama....what healing words to hear. There is a "personality profile" for sure. Reminds me of the quote from the movie War Games.....the only way to win is not to play. Some people are so manipulative, cunning, and toxic that you can only walk wide around them. His day will come....
EJG....yes...you are so right. I didn't back down. He knew it and that's why he had to take the shot that he knew would hurt me the most. Showed some more of this true colors.
So.....thank ya'll all again. I'm going to go get my jammies on and curl up with my book. And count my many many blessings......each one of you being at the top of the list!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i like your quote light seeker. the score doesnt matter when you don't play. but to go up and be willing to stand up to him, must have really got to him for him to say what he said. take it as a compliment that he was looking at you. ugly personalities tend to say the opposite what they think, and say what they think will hurt. he hit his target, but as you have already validated to yourself, you are not what he said. he on the otherhand has to look in the mirror and see a good for nothing sh&thead. must kill him on the days that he can see the real him.
good that you have come out the other side of such abuse more empowered. shows true character!!!!
good that you have come out the other side of such abuse more empowered. shows true character!!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Hugs, you did the right thing as you know and he may feel like superman right now but I also think he will get sloppier karma always has a way.
I love LMN analogy Lightseeker - 1,000,000 EXAH - 0 (A big Fat ZERO)
Not to mention all the good you do in life he does what?
It is all about YOU and we love YOU.
I love LMN analogy Lightseeker - 1,000,000 EXAH - 0 (A big Fat ZERO)
Not to mention all the good you do in life he does what?
It is all about YOU and we love YOU.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
ya'll are all the best! I so get it that "the only winning move is not to play". It turns out that my 17 year old wrote him (he was his step father) an email last night getting a lot of things off of his chest. I saw XH's response and it placed all blame on me, was condenscending, and a rewriting of history. There is something in me that wants to clarify and make my point - but I get it...back to the only winning move thing.
Jake (my son) said that it's time that we no longer speak his name nor refer to him in any way. That no good comes of it. Amen. Wise words from a 17 year old. Mama is moving on.
If anyone ever wants to know why you want to work a program I can tell you it's because you find a community of the most wonderful people in the world. And you learn how to heal yourself. Things might still hurt but you have the tools and the support to pick yourself up, dust off, get some perspective....and for me....it's all about walking towards the light.
Thank you again each and every one of you. And I do believe that it shocked him that I would stand up and be willing to speak out. Not a victory for me so much as a victory for abused women everywhere. Many have walked this path ahead of me and given me the courage to speak out. No one should EVER have someone speak harshly to them or behave in a way that diminishes who you are.....I will spend the rest of my life reassuring people that if I can do, then anyone can.
Jake (my son) said that it's time that we no longer speak his name nor refer to him in any way. That no good comes of it. Amen. Wise words from a 17 year old. Mama is moving on.
If anyone ever wants to know why you want to work a program I can tell you it's because you find a community of the most wonderful people in the world. And you learn how to heal yourself. Things might still hurt but you have the tools and the support to pick yourself up, dust off, get some perspective....and for me....it's all about walking towards the light.
Thank you again each and every one of you. And I do believe that it shocked him that I would stand up and be willing to speak out. Not a victory for me so much as a victory for abused women everywhere. Many have walked this path ahead of me and given me the courage to speak out. No one should EVER have someone speak harshly to them or behave in a way that diminishes who you are.....I will spend the rest of my life reassuring people that if I can do, then anyone can.
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