solstice3

Day 4, now having guilt waves for many things in the recent past - major trigger for me. Drinking assuages the guilt temporarily, but I know it just makes everything worse and sets me up for compounded regret and guilt. Ideas? Suggestions? Tx.

Boo92

Are you feelin guilty because of things you have done that may have upset people? If so I find being totally honest and apologising far to face is a great way to clear your conscious. If they are not forgiving then ther is nufin more that u can do but those that truly love u Shud be supportive and be ther for u. If a relationship is unfixable it is sad but still apologising and clearing yur head will mean in future u can look back and those feelings if guilt will fade with time

Hope this helps. Good luck

Anna

Yes, that was the worst trigger for me - guilt and shame. You need to begin to forgive yourself. That doesn't mean accepting that what you did was okay, but that you don't want to carry the baggage around with you any longer. And, forgiving yourself may happen in many stages. For me, it took a long time. Something that helped me a lot was keeping a journal. When the dark thoughts consumed me, I wrote and wrote, and it actually took most of a year to fully see the light. At that time, I burned the journal.

MIRecovery

You have a life time to make up for things you regret but the thing that is most important is staying sober today. Once you are sober people will see that you have changed for the better

solstice3

Anna-great idea. Thanks all. I'm feeling so antsy right now - I'm going out to rake leaves and try to be productive to hope to get this out of my mind so I can make it to day 5.

SoberForMySon

I have the same problem. Shame, guilt, and fear of someone coming after me or my marriage failing cos of what I did. Time is all that will heal me, that and sobriety. Forward from here we go.

oh2exhale

Hi solstice; Just wanted to encourage you - it lessens with sober time. The guilt caused me to isolate and drink to lessen the pain of the guilt and the isolation, it became a cycle - guilt, isolate, drink,guilt....The thing that really helped me was to work the steps in AA, especially the 4th, 5th and 6th with a sponsor. There is a saying, "we are only as sick as our secrets" - once you expose those things they can no longer enslave you. Hope that helps. Take good care of you and your sobriety!!

Hevyn

Solstice - that's what kept me drinking much longer than I might have. I knew I desperately needed to get sober, but every time the fog lifted I'd torture myself with thoughts of the past. Drinking only gave short term relief - and set me back terribly. I knew in order to survive and enjoy a new life, I'd have to put things in perspective.

I'm a kind and thoughtful person by nature - and I would never have intentionally hurt anyone in my life. I would never have endangered anyone - yet those things happened. I know only the drunk me would have behaved so horribly. If I didn't come out of my fog and face life, I'd run the risk of repeating the same mistakes over & over. The help I received here at SR was so important during that time. I'm glad you're here, talking this over with us. You can get past this uncomfortable phase and move forward, solstice.

IndaMiricale

AA saved this alcoholic from all the things I hid and ran from with booze for decades..

Today I am guilt free, its a beautiful thing.

Try not to rush things , as alcoholics we want instant gratification. Recovery is a process and takes time.

solstice3

Thanks all! Late dinner and some TV and I've made it through day 4 with your help! Feels so silly, its such a short time but so hard for many of us. Yes, when the guilt comes, it is physiological and feels like a lead curtain laying down over me. I appreciate each of you and have a good night.

Natom

Hey Solstice,

Guilt and shame are one of those things that you can only shift with your sobriety. Like other people have said, staying sober helps you to make your amends and shift some of the wreckage of your past.

Natom.

wpainterw

Guilt is entirely normal. But, if you don't drink or drug it gradually diminishes with time. At least that's my experience. It never goes away completely. 12 step programs are designed to alleviate the guilt. Whether they work or not seems to depend on the person and how they work it. There are alternative programs which also help. The main thing, at least for me, was to try working with various programs and sticking with the ones which seemed congenial and which seemed to be working. Drinking never helps with guilt. It only increases it.

W.

solstice3

Day 5, feeling pretty good this morning, but can't let myself get comfortable. For those of you who have mentioned amends, some of my guilt revolves around a long-standing conflict with one of my parents, our final conversation and their sudden death two months later, before apologies were made. Other than prayer, journals and letters you never send, how does one make amends to someone who is no longer here (parents were divorced a few years earlier and the other parent has washed their hands of anything to do with former spouse- so no help there).

Just wanted to share that even though I have a long list of wreckage: legal, financial, health, relationships, etc. from my early years, this one needs closure and its not really possible in the full sense of the word. Even my siblings just shut the door on the past and moved on, but too hard for me.

This SR is really helpful, a place for us to say what is on our minds and there are folks that really understand. Thanks. You guys helped me not to drink yesterday. For lots of years I wasn't even trying so the last time I went 4 days without a drink was about 6 years ago and that was only for 12 days. TY!