Boo92

Hi all. I'm very new to all this. I think I am a chronic binge drinker who can't stop once started.
I don't drink everyday and I don't feel the need to drink everyday but whether it be once a month or once a week, when I start I just duno when to stop and end up constantly with no memory of the end on the night and the next day is wasted in bed hungover feeling incredibly depressed and embarrassed. Does this mean I am an alcoholic or a problem drinker? I don't know. But I feel drinking is negatively affecting my life and so therefore is a Problem for me yes? Either way I havnt told any friends or family but of today I am climbing aboard the sober wagon. I feel like this is the only way to take back control for me?
Is there Anyone else who can relate to my story and maybe help shed a bit of light/advice for me please?

DarkDays

Yes Lots will relate to your story.

You will not magically all of a sudden never do this again, you will do it again and again and again .

There is a another way..STOP right this second, free yourself from the shackles of alcoHELL, it can be done, nothing that is so great is easy to attain .

Read these forums , there are many ways to get of this dreadful drug, there are some great posters on these boards, they have helped me immensely.

Lastly, I had the same cycle as you for years. Drink/brutally hungover then dark thoughts and depression. Its gets worse.

Life now is improving all the time, its raw real and alive !

Good luck and Welcome !

hypochondriac

First of, you're not wasting anyone's time! So get that thought out of your head

I was a daily drinker, so can't relate to your post specifically, but if there is one thing I have learnt hanging around here is that there are endless different types of drinkers, each with their own different specific problems. I don't think it even matters if you identify as an alcoholic or not, the fix is the same. Every kind of drinking problem can be fixed by stopping drinking.

Welcome to SR Boo x

Silence12

Hey Boo92, welcome to the forums.

I think giving up alcohol depends on how much you think it's a problem. This is a sobriety forum, so the opinion will be skewed towards giving up - I don't think there's anybody here who would have wanted to carry on drinking a day longer than they had.

Alcoholism is a progressive condition, there is no doubt about that.

Depression and embarrassment - we've all been there, trust me. It's just hard to remember how down you felt that day after the night the next time you want to do it, isn't it?

If alcohol is bringing negativity to your life, it isn't worth it. In the same way that if you were in a job you hated or a relationship you hated you wouldn't stick with it. Weigh up the pros and the cons, because in my experience the longer things go on, the fewer pros remain.

Whether you're an "alcoholic" or "problem drinker" doesn't really matter - it's how it's affecting your life. It's like saying I'm a "guy" or a "girl" - the way I see it anyway.

See how you go, friend. I'd definitely look into some support, I see you're also from the UK and there is support if you even go for a check-up with your GP they can advise you, or look up some numbers. You will not be judged, trust me. That worried me more than anything, it is good to talk things through with someone. If you are worried about what friends/family think, do it anonymously, that's not a problem.

If nothing else, stick around here! Everybody here can relate to what you're going through to some extent, nobody got here by accident.

Good luck, stay well.

GypsyHeart

boo i very much relate to your story. i can drink and not drink.
this is such a positive supportive place here on the internet.
welcome
also please feel welcome to stop by the morning and evening gratitude threads.... i find they help me a lot. and there are some awesome kindred hearts there too.♥

MidnightBlue

Hi, Boo. Welcome to SR!

I can relate to your story pretty much. I've never been a daily drinker, I could stay away from booze a week, a month, two months, three months. Drinking never affected my job, relationships. My friends do not know I have problems either. But just like you I can't stop if I start. And I also noticed that I developed some tolerance to alcohol. So, for me it became a problem. Addiction has many forms, and mine is like that. And this kind is devious, because it takes long time to recognize.

I am on my Day 22 now, and found a lot of support here. One of the harders things is to stay away from the first glass. Because when hangover is gone, and you feel Ok again, you think that you'll have "just one glass". And that's how it starts.

First days I red a lot and posted here (and I still do). There a many stories that can related to yours and mine. I also exercise a lot, it helps to cope with "emotional carvings". If carvings is hard, it helps to focus on one day and say "I won't drink today. Just today".

It's great that you are "climbing aboard the sober wagon". It is not easy, but believe, it's worth it.

Keep posting and have a good day.

Boo92

Thank you so everyone for yur kind words. I am already overwhelmed with the support that is available here and have to admit (bit soft of me) but I shed a few tears whilst reading your comments.
Midnight - you have hit the nail exactly on the head for me. I don't feel reliant but when I do drink I don't like who it makes me and that in itself is surely reason to stop. I actually have friends who don't drink just cuz they don't like it or the taste so I feel I Shud be well equipped for sobriety.
I think this will be a struggle for me as I do like a drink to relax and socialise with friends but I feel joining this forum was the best move for me for support as I learn to live without alcohol.
Thanks again for all yur kind words

MrsKing

Hello Boo and welcome to SR

I was like you. I didn't drink every day... not even every week, yet every time I did drink, I didn't stop until I could physically drink no more. Like you, the next day was a total write off and I felt depressed and embarrassed. I absolutely despised myself - I had no self worth and rarely wanted to get out of bed in the mornings.

The good news is that I haven't had a hangover in seven months, I'm in much better physical and mental health and I have absolutely no desire to ever drink again. You can have all that, too you sound as though this is what you really want, and that's great - in my mind, that's the hardest part: wanting to be sober more than you want to be drunk.

This website is a fantastic source of support and I hope you find all that I have here.

Wishing you all the best x

Grace2

Hi Boo and firstly a very big welcome to S.R

I can certainly relate to your problem. I don't know if you're an alcoholic, I think you have to determine that, I just know that I'm one!!

I was a chronic drink binger, wine was my poison. I work three days a week and didn't drink on those days, but I certainly made up for it on the other four!! Alcoholism is a progressive desease and I first used to binge on Fridays and Saturdays and gradually it crept up and up and up, until I was drinking all four nights and during the day too, I'm ashamed to say!

I tried many, many times to stop, kidding myself that if I didn't start drinking until after 9 or just at weekends I didn't have a problem. Well the kidding didn't work and I do have a problem, once I start I just don't have a stop button!! I used to drink myself into oblivian, especially if I was stressed, which was pretty much all the time!!

It's taken me a long, long time, to finally realise and accept that I cannot drink, ever. I have caused so much trouble, wasted so much time and have put myself in the positon of nearly losing everything that is precious to me, all the sake of dirty wine.

I'm on my 70 something day now of recovery and I'm feeling great, really, really good. I feel and look better in myself, I have more money, I'm not driving when I shouldn't be, I'm a better mum, nan and an all round better person. Life is wonderful.

I'm not saying it has been easy, because it hasn't, there has been days when I could have easily given way and bought my self a bottle, but I didn't and that's the way I intend it to stay.

Life is all about choices. It is your choice whether to drink or not. I had a choice, it was either my lovely precious family or wine. Family has to win hands down.

I hope you stick with us, because honestly it's been the best thing I've ever done in years.

Keep reading and posting and take one day at a time. You'll get loads of support here and make some great friends

I wish you all the luck in the world.

( p.s I'm not too far from L'pool)

Dee74

Welcome Boo

I ended up an all day drinker but I spent many many years drinking like you do. You're among people who understand

good to have you here with us

D

doggonecarl

Welcome.

Except that isn't what you do, is it? Normal drinkers can relax and socialize with alcohol. You said in your initial post that:

"I start I just duno when to stop and end up constantly with no memory of the end on the night and the next day is wasted in bed hungover feeling incredibly depressed and embarrassed."

What is social and relaxing about that?

You have to learn to disengage the fantasy of drinking with the reality of drinking. You do not drink like a normal person. Chances are you NEVER will. If you can accept that, that's half the battle.

You say you are equipped for sobriety. Time to find out.

Good luck.

healthylife87

Welcome Boo! I drank 2-3 days a week usually, but sometimes I would go a week or 2 with no alcohol. My problem was similar to yours in that when I started drinking I always wanted more. It is good that you are going to get it under control before it gets any worse.

Anna

Welcome, Boo!

I think you'll find that the definition of an alcoholic has little to do with how often or even how much you drink. Rather, it's about what happens to you when you drink. I became a completely different person, someone I began to loathe. My self-esteem was at an all-time low.

I'm glad you've joined us and you'll find lots of support here.

FamilyMan2153

Like many others, I started out with 2-3 times a week but now that I am honest with myself and sober, I always knew I had a problem. Like you I did not have a very good off switch and drank until it was hard to remember. For us alcoholics it never gets better, only progresses until we quit absolutely. Good luck.

PaperDolls

I can relate boo. I struggled with accepting that I needed to quit drinking because I wasn't the stereotypical alcoholic. You said it though .... it's causing problems in your life, so it's time to quit.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, so for me, it continued to get worse. Longer binges. More stupid behavior in blackouts. And the shame and guilt were unreal.

Now that I'm sober, I realize how miserable I was AND how miserable I was making everyone around me. Never been happier.

I like the IDEA of drinking to relax and have fun but REALITY is that's not how I drink. It took me a long time to accept that.

Hollyanne

I was like you a few years ago.
My tolerance increased, my frequency increased, my depression increased, my isolation increased.
You get the picture.
Give it up.
If you feel an overwhelming desire for fear and self loathing, you can always go back.
As mentioned above, nothing social about blackout drunk.

DoubleBarrel

People get too tied up with definitions like alcoholic, problem drinker, etc.
It's not like you can look in a microscope and see if someone has alcoholism.
What you stated is that you don't like what happens when you drink. It sounds like you start out with the best intentions, and once alcohol is in your system, something goes awry. Sounds like a lot of us, probably almost all of us.
So stop. See how it goes. If that is hard for you, there is help out there, including here. This site is awesome, so many cool people with tons of experience to draw from.
You can do it! Best of luck.

Delilah1

I am on Day 25 and I know I need to avoid that one glass as well, because it is never just one glass!

Welcome to SR Boo, keep reading and posting.

Boo92

Hello everyone and thanks again for all yur kind words. And the stern but true words too. There's lots to think about here and lots for me to put Into practise but I want to see what life is like without alcohol and only then will I be able to tell the extent of how things are right now. I love that there are so many ppl starting out their journey here and feel priviledged to be one of them. I look forward to posting a lot more and making some great friends here