cab1234

Hi - I'm new to the forum. My brother is addicted to drugs but he doesn't see it that way. Over the past three years, he's lost everything - his job, his family, his money, but he still doesn't think he has a problem. He was taking meth - that we know of - but now we don't know what he's on. He won't admit that he's taking anything. We just found out he hasn't been paying his rent, electricity etc for months and all his money is inaccessible because it's being restricted due to his pending divorce. We have no idea what he is living on and he asked my parents for money. I started reading through this forum because I'm trying to figure out what to get him for Christmas... might sound strange... anyway, I've just been reading and reading and am amazed at the information. But it's sad because it makes me feel like I can't do anything to help him. I confronted him about 6 months ago and now he won't talk to me. I thought about sending him a self-help book but really... he'll toss it. Is there anything I can do?

Ann

Welcome, Cab, I'm glad you found us.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do for him. He is the only one who can turn this around and that doesn't usually happen until the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of stopping.

My son is the addicted loved on in my life, and I tried for years and years to make him "see" how self-destructive his addiction was, I let him live at home, my husband gave him a job, we drove him to meetings and found him at least 6 rehabs...and nothing we did make any difference in the end. He used or didn't use regardless of anything we did or did not do.

Meetings helped me find my balance again. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find a healthier way to live again.

As for gifts for your brother for Christmas, that's entirely up to you. Personally, I would keep it simple as whatever you buy could be sold for drugs. I used to buy my son gloves, a hat, maybe a sweater or sweat shirt to keep him warm when he hit the streets. Or a small gift card to a coffee shop, they are hard to sell because you can't "see" the amount left on them.

I found that giving something that didn't cost me what I could not afford to lose, and that couldn't easily be sold, worked for me.

Again, I am glad you joined us and hope to find some support and comfort here.

Hugs

crazybabie

Welcome to SR. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here honestly if you feel the need to send him something for Christmas why not simply send a card that says I love you?

Like you said he would likely toss any self help books and any other items could possibly be traded for drugs the more money your parents give him they more they enable his use he has lost a lot and not hit his bottom yet.

I understand your sadness about not being able to help I feel that way also I have 2 sons who are addicts and my husband and my father is an alcoholic and my mother is a recovering alcoholic.

You can help yourself detach and that will help the sadness. keep reading and posting your not alone.

eveleivibe

So very sorry this has happened. I think that Ann n crazybabie have given you great ideas. A card saying you love n are thinking of him n a coffee shop voucher. As he's in active adduction he'd sell anything else in the need for drugs. He probably loves you but him staying away is the addiction taking over he's scared of losing his drugs so doesn't want to face up to reality n as you pointed it out to him - you are a reflection of that reality. Don't take it personally.

Will keep you in my thoughts n pray that your brother gets better. Please kerp posting. We're all here. Hugs xxx