feeling guilty
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
feeling guilty
Left and refusing to go back home until ah is recovering from alcoholism.
Gave him information to an outpatient program ..he's telling me its going to cost way too much and he's going to ask his parents if they can help aside from that he was asking if I even want to come back home and that he has been detoxing since yesterday andhasn't been drinking and he hurts....which last night by his numerous voicemails..he sounded drunk so I doubt it but he just finds a way to get into my head and make me feel guilty or should I feel guilty??
Gave him information to an outpatient program ..he's telling me its going to cost way too much and he's going to ask his parents if they can help aside from that he was asking if I even want to come back home and that he has been detoxing since yesterday andhasn't been drinking and he hurts....which last night by his numerous voicemails..he sounded drunk so I doubt it but he just finds a way to get into my head and make me feel guilty or should I feel guilty??
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
No. You have no reason to feel guilty. Let him find bottom. If you run back in and save him it will only break your boundary and show him you aren't serious.
And good for you for taking steps to improve your life!
And good for you for taking steps to improve your life!
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
hes making it sooo hard! i dont want to go back until i know for sure but his words are like swords. what he says alone is just soooo stressful. he says he isnt drinking but hes just at home and isnt acting drunk but acting i dunno self pittying etc then when he asks yet again "you coming home" and yet again i said "i will when you are sober" he responds "i am sober" then i tell him " i mean stay sober,you know seek recovery go to outpatient go to aa etc that im not going to go home just for you to hide drinking tomorrow" he gets mad and says "fine you know what find someone else," and hangs up. ugh!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Try not to take his calls or texts or emails for 24 hours.
Not to punish him, but to give yourself the space you need to think.
You can do this, 24 hours for yourself. Give yourself the gift of serenity.
Not to punish him, but to give yourself the space you need to think.
You can do this, 24 hours for yourself. Give yourself the gift of serenity.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
You should not feel guilty.
You are making a healthy choice.
He's already shown how he'll react if he doesn't get what he wants.You don't need the stress.
I know it's real hard but put yourself first.
One day at a time.
You are making a healthy choice.
He's already shown how he'll react if he doesn't get what he wants.You don't need the stress.
I know it's real hard but put yourself first.
One day at a time.
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
yea he called again . he's been drinking. I'm just goimg to give him time to think and me some relief by avoiding conversations as much as possible. I just love how he mopes in the why me attitude....like drinkinh isn't an issue and the asks if I'm drunk and getting mad. i mean realllyy!?
he makes the typical excuses. turning it around on me . he looked into recovery hut it costs too much. I couldn't go here because I had to do blank. you don't love me. your the reason. you don't understand. I am sober (one day) but hasn't proven it then gets mad pointing that out. I'm sure right now he's playing this game but it hasn't really sunk in ny mom pointed thus out in fact that he's probably like oh I can drink and no ones here to know the wiser and shell be back. so I think if I hold on strong he may see that oh she is seriousvand not just a vacation for him to drink because I know (having lived with him) he's drank the entire time I've been gone (he doesn't have a good poker drunk lol)
he makes the typical excuses. turning it around on me . he looked into recovery hut it costs too much. I couldn't go here because I had to do blank. you don't love me. your the reason. you don't understand. I am sober (one day) but hasn't proven it then gets mad pointing that out. I'm sure right now he's playing this game but it hasn't really sunk in ny mom pointed thus out in fact that he's probably like oh I can drink and no ones here to know the wiser and shell be back. so I think if I hold on strong he may see that oh she is seriousvand not just a vacation for him to drink because I know (having lived with him) he's drank the entire time I've been gone (he doesn't have a good poker drunk lol)
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Why do you feel any guilt?
What have you done to him? Did you lie to him, manipulate him, blame him for your actions or pour booze down his throat against his will?
What have you to feel guilt over concerning him?
What have you done to him? Did you lie to him, manipulate him, blame him for your actions or pour booze down his throat against his will?
What have you to feel guilt over concerning him?
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
yea. I know.him finding a way into my head to make me feel guilty but that's all it is. I don't even drink . I have never disrespected him in the ways he has me. I always come home on time and tell him where I am but he gets drunk and I don't get the same courtesy. I'm extremely given and he's all take. when he's tired I let him sleep. when I'm tired he wants someone to stay up and hear his drunk nonsense. really you are right. I don't make him drink. I don't give him a reason and I am not the reason for the problems. thank you pelican for the reminder. I haven't talked to him since the last time and I don't plan to either and I'm not giving into his excuse to drink or covering for him anymore either. he needs himself to see what the real issue is and I need peace
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
I believe you are doing the most loving thing possible. Be strong.
It wasn't until I left him that my now RABF decided to seek help (he is not doing it for me, but my leaving and his outrageous behavior leading up to it was a definite wake up call). He is 120 days sober. Life nor our relationship is perfect, and recovery has come with struggles.
But he would still be drunk off his arse -- assuming he hadn't killed himself or someone else while driving, etc. -- if I had stayed with him.
God bless you!
It wasn't until I left him that my now RABF decided to seek help (he is not doing it for me, but my leaving and his outrageous behavior leading up to it was a definite wake up call). He is 120 days sober. Life nor our relationship is perfect, and recovery has come with struggles.
But he would still be drunk off his arse -- assuming he hadn't killed himself or someone else while driving, etc. -- if I had stayed with him.
God bless you!
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by jessiec 
I believe you are doing the most loving thing possible. Be strong.
It wasn't until I left him that my now RABF decided to seek help (he is not doing it for me, but my leaving and his outrageous behavior leading up to it was a definite wake up call). He is 120 days sober. Life nor our relationship is perfect, and recovery has come with struggles.
But he would still be drunk off his arse -- assuming he hadn't killed himself or someone else while driving, etc. -- if I had stayed with him.
God bless you!
It wasn't until I left him that my now RABF decided to seek help (he is not doing it for me, but my leaving and his outrageous behavior leading up to it was a definite wake up call). He is 120 days sober. Life nor our relationship is perfect, and recovery has come with struggles.
But he would still be drunk off his arse -- assuming he hadn't killed himself or someone else while driving, etc. -- if I had stayed with him.
God bless you!
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