shawty80

his number is now blocked from my phone. oh my god, that was hard. it feels so wrong and so very mean.

BlueSkies1

shawty--I was distressed to read that you were back with him. It's not wrong, and it's not mean. You do have to SAVE YOURSELF. Do it...!

Maylie

Shawty, it is never mean or wrong to put yourself first. Hell, he does what he needs to do to protect his addiction, and now you are doing what you need to do to protect your sanity/life.

Don't second guess yourself, you deserve to be happy and out of the chaos

shawty80

thanks, mog and maylie. blocking his number makes everything so *final* to me. for two years our relationship has been on his terms and, as insignificant as it is, this was truly a HUGE step for me. we've always had that "lifeline" between us holding us together during our break-ups, and now i've completely cut the line. it's scary and heartbreaking. i love him, and it just breaks my heart that THIS is our story.

Learn2Live

Not wrong and not mean. Sometimes we have to be what we think is rude in order to take care of ourselves.

shawty80

i haven't been all that pleasant to him. in fact, i told him he should not expect any more kindnesses from me. i haven't gone out of my way to be mean, as he has, but i feel i've been very short with all of my responses.

it just made more sense to me to go all-out no contact than the continue on with a battle i will never win. it may drive me batty, though!!!

ZiggyB

No, not mean at all. If you don't want to continue the relationship it is probably best for you both to go No contact. It is kind of sad but if he can't talk to you, then you won't get sucked back in. I also deleted my ex from any social networking sites I was on.

Rosiepetal

Good for you Shawty.
I know its hard & a big step & feels final, its only natural to feel that way.
Just need to focus on you for now, one day at a time.
Big hugs.

shawty80

as always, it wasn't my decision to end the relationship. i thought things were going as good as could be expected during the first 40 days of sobriety.

it's ironic that the day before he broke up with me, we became friends once more on fb. probably one of the shortest friendships ever!!! he was deleted and blocked pretty quickly there, and then went into a brat fit about him not wanting me to trash him on my wall. good grief.

shawty80

thanks, rosie!!!

on halloween, when i was trying to have an adult conversation with him, i actually told him i felt we really needed to focus on making each day of our relationship the best it could be. all of a sudden...BAM... our relationship was over and my xabf began to relapse.

so...now i'm back to just worrying about me!!!

ZiggyB

well if he broke up with you, it's even a better reason to block him... I broke up with my bf and then he turned around and broke up with me and still insists he was the one who ended things. ha. It's kind of funny, but really not. He can think what he wants, anything is better than getting screamed at all the time. :-P

Rosiepetal

I was same as Ziggy.
I broke up with him & he turned it round to make it the other way.
They can be nasty & in denial but have learnt it was the disease talking.

jessiec

You just took a huge, empowering step toward peace, happiness, calm and ultimately love (for yourself ... And whomever more deserving enters the picture one day!).

Also, it was a mighty leap of faith. You are locking one door (he might have temporarily shut it, but you can deadbolt it!) on a painful past and now opening up to a promising future.

Much love!

Learn2Live

I find that no contact keeps me sane.

Cyranoak

...and that's OK. What isn't OK is to think those feelings indicate you are mean or wrong, becasue you are not mean, and you are not wrong. Don't let your feelings get confused with facts.

Also, I'd just like to say this to you about blocking his number:

Nicely done!!!

Take care,

Cyranoak

itsmylifenow

What you've done is one of the hardest steps to take but it is a step that can only lead you to finding peace, getting your life back and having some sanity return.

The last few months of total NC with my xabf have been the greatest ever. And, even though I went through some major withdrawal and I cried lots and I found out he had a new gf...eventually most of that passed, I have grown stronger and am now happily getting out there and having fun! Something I could have NEVER done if I was still keeping any kind of contact with him.

You are doing this for YOU. And, it's okay to put yourself first.

shawty80

well, folks, scratch that! it didn't work. at all.

i went online to at&t yesterday, added their $4.99/month smart limits service, typed his little number into the "blocked numbers" list, and...got a text from him! i just spent the last half hour live chatting with the kind people at at&t who offered me only one solution, which was to disable my imessage. i went ahead and canceled the service, and set his ringtone and texttone to the duck. oh, and i changed his name to QUACK! mature, i know.

IF he sends me anything, i will NOT read it. and if i have anything to say to him, i will simply write it in my journal.

way to steal my thunder, at&t!!

Rosiepetal

Do you think you'll be strong enough not to read messages?
Love the duck & quack part. lol.

LifeRecovery

"facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - aldous huxley

Good for you for following what you posted some time ago. I liked this so much I wrote it on my white board on my fridge.

You are not ignoring the facts you are working on what is important for you. You are heading out into your own Brand New World.

shawty80

rosie, i don't know that i'm strong enough to not read them, but i sure as heck am gonna try!!! nothing either of us says will change anything, so there's not much point in worrying about the garbage he sends me. i know it won't be nice, and i know it will upset me. i'm kinda tired of giving him that power.

life, that is still one of my all-time favorite quotes. it brings me great joy. i have it saved in a note on my phone and read it almost every day. thank you for posting it again!!!