jwall

Hello, I am new to these forums and though I would post about my current situation. I recently graduated high school and now attend school at a local community college. I still live with my mom, and as you would guess shes an alcoholic. Shes been to rehab 5 times, most recently this past may, and then went again in June shortly after her stint in May. As disappointing as it is, she has relapsed and has relapsed bad. She is somewhat a functional alcoholic, because she doesnt usually start drinking to the mid-late afternoon. My dad lives close, however we havent been very close. My mom is a mean drunk, gets loud, is verbally abusive, and has been physically abusive (when I was younger). She got out of rehab in August, was sober about a week,, and then went back to the bottle. It progressively has gotten worse to where she is back to her same old patterns. Unfortunately I am not in a position where I have enough money saved up to get out and get my own place. I am trying to find a part time job, but havent had any luck. I do work for my dads company occasionally, but I dont get enough work. With her getting worse, I have come to the conclusion that I will have to figure out a different living situation because I cant take much more of this. I love my mom, and always will love her, but I have to remove myself from the situation. It will probably be one of the hardest things Ill do because I would worry about her and how she would handle me leaving. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. thank you

SparkleKitty

First of all, welcome to SR! I'm glad you found this place, but sorry for the reason you came looking.

My mother is also an alcoholic, so I understand where you are coming from. I applaud you for recognizing that you need a different environment if you are to take care of yourself. You may or may not know that there is nothing anyone can do to stop an alcoholic from drinking if that is what they have decided to do. The best we can do is take care of ourselves and make sure we do not get dragged down with them.

That may sound very harsh, but I suggest you read as many of the posts in this and other forums as you can stand. You will begin to put together pictures of what life with an alcoholic can be like. This is an insidious and, when left untreated, progressive disease that affects so many more people than just the alcoholic.

It is perfectly natural for you to worry about the effect your leaving would have upon her. None of us has a crystal ball, so I can't say. But I can tell you from my own experience that staying would have fairly predictable and negative consequences for YOUR well-being. Your mother is an adult and her actions have consequences. One of them might be losing you. If so, it is up to her what she does with that information.

I wish you much strength and good luck finding a new living situation. Please stick around and keep reading & posting!

Tuffgirl

Welcome, jwall. Like you, I have a Mom who has problems, only hers are mental illness. However, she drinks A LOT when she is manic and it makes her really mean and abusive. Just yesterday, she was angry at my insistence she visit her Doctor for a change in her meds, and she was really trying to offend me. Granted, I've got about 20 years of life on you, so I have learned to develop a thick skin, but I am not afraid to admit being around her when she is like this is extremely stressful even at my age. Living with unpredictability is taxing on anyone.

Do you have any friends you could stay with temporarily, like a safe place to go when things get bad at home? Maybe try to find someone looking for a roommate so your initial expenses are small? Check around your college, too. Its not uncommon for fellow students to be looking for others to split rent and living expenses.

And don't hesitate to check out Al-Anon. That's our group for friends and family of alcoholics. You will always find support and resources locally through Al-Anon.

Stay strong and safe, and keep coming back.
~T