ilovehim1104

I am writing because i need possible opinions from former addicts. my ex addict boyfriend and i dated 2 yrs b4 he broke up with me to isolate then came back to me when he went to rehab and got sober well 4months into sobriety he broke up with me again for time to focus on his recovery well 3months went by and no contact from either of us i didny contact him he didnt me either....until one day after our 3months seperation hr texts saying how he woke up horney cant stop thinkin about me but it kills him to think of using me like that....well i said it was ok which i am fine with i am just wondering how healthy is this for him am i harming his recovery at all or can he feel like me and it just b strickly sex? any replies from former addicts in this circumstance would be so appreciated!

cli

Sorry I can't speak from experience, but think this is a great question! I'm also very curious to hear others' stories. I can imagine myself in this dilemma someday in the not-so-distant future, but I'd probably have more reason to be terrified and/or suspicious. My XRABF is very selfish and manipulative, after all. Your XRABF, perhaps not so much...

So again, looking forward to more expert opinions as well!

ilovehim1104

I am as well thanks for replying either way. and yes my x is as well very manipulative so idk and am praying someone whom has done this replies!

Rosiepetal

Great post, look forward to responses.

joinedintime

No good can come of this.
Respect yourself.
If you're horny go elsewhere.
If you want a relationship with him again make him start over at the friend level and earn his way back to lover slowly if he can prove himself.
Don't enable his poor behavior. Giving into to the easy way of getting pleasure is his core problem I suspect. Ask yourself if I'm right about that.

If you're wondering, I'm a man and 4+ year sober alcoholic.

ilovehim1104

Thank You So Much! i totally agree with your comment.but the respect myself part. i am in no way interested in a relationship and enjoy sex of course with him and he makes it easier for me as well so i dnt have to find someone else for "sex". i will say i had already thpught about it harming him but he has to take responsibility for his emotions actions as do i. i am not having sex with him in hopes of reuniting a relationship....i am also going to ask if u suspect this is his core problem which i do as well now u mention it.... That is why he call so often because its almost like. he is feeding his addiction in a way huh? and if i decided to stop because i really love the sex but i also do not wana enable his addictive behavior i guess either ...i kinda am in conflict ..thanks though u got me thinkong here i was just thinking of me lol

ilovehim1104

He also does this randomly showing up at my house as well which he never did while we dated ever!would that be like an added addictive behavior?

ilovehim1104

@ joinedintime....one more thing when he texted me that day asking for sex he made a comment that it kills him to think of using me that way so how is able to? this mayb alot to ask of u to answer of someone whom u do not knw but ur insight may help me tons!

cli

But wait! You should just be thinking of you! He's dumped you over and over, proclaiming it's for his own recovery, and is now trying to redefine the terms of your relationship to no-strings. Hmm...

OK, maybe I can chime in on this after all! You're not responsible for his recovery at all, so stop worrying if you're to blame for sleeping with him. I'd be more worried about how he's trying to slip back into your life and making easy sex his new drug of choice. Not your problem at the moment, but it could be quite quickly. You admit he's manipulative too, so red flags are rising!

ilovehim1104

You_Rock_
ur right on! i am not responsible for him and i only said yes to the sex based on my needsi am.not looking for any outcome from this at all and i do respect myself thats why i dnt sleep around if he had never contacted me well id go without i love me where i am and.how far i have come i am comfortable in my skin. i asked this for reasons of rather it was.going to harm him because i do.care but not to that extent he asked me.knwing i may say yes and if he using this sex as adrug so to speak i can not b held responsible he made the choice as did i ...so thank u bunches cli

cli

Oh, brilliant! So glad you've got your head straight about this all. I hope to be just half as smart as you, if my ex ever turns up on my doorstep too...

Taking5

As a man and a formerly active alcoholic, if you enjoy sex then find someone else to sleep with. This guy doesn't deserve your attention IMHO.

fluffyflea

You need to respect yourself, don't worry about him. No good can come of this.

BrokenHeartWife

Close your legs. Period.

ilovehim1104

Wow thats harsh. hmm i appreciate opinions but i have known this man for 3 yrs nw and havent slept with anyone else since but ya knw i posted knwoing there were those of u witg alot of diff opinions so i appreciate them all negative or positive.

Fandy

if you have been separated for a length of time you don't know what he has been doing and who he has been doing it with. there is a very realistic possibilty he could give you a STD or WORSE.

if you want or need sex, it is not safe to have it with him, it should be fairly obvious. I would change my phone number too.

Katiekate

Sounds like you are all about what it is he is thinking, if it will harm him.

HOney, it will harm you, in some way, some day, some how, you are hurting yourself with this thinking.

You need to focus on why it is you would give yourself away to someone you mean nothing too.

He's an idiot, but if he can get away with it, I guess that's your bad.

Katiekate

Well, if it were your daughter, I think you might feel differently.

ilovehim1104

Sorry i feel differently...and thats ok if my daughter was comfortable in who she was and knew not to have expectations wore protection.and foremost a GROWN WOMAN i could say nothing nor change it. so again thanks for the comments

Katiekate

your welcome