bookworm

I go out of town for a week and come back to a brand new forum layout!
Very slick - all due compliments to the forum team.

I have a little question about Step 4 - is there a 'right' way to meet the challenge of this step? I'm approaching it the way I'm most comfortable with and I've seen some really helpful links which were posted some time ago on this forum. I'm also using other resources - mostly books - but the more I get into this Step the more complex it becomes and I wondered how other people are approaching or have approached this Step? I'm writing a lot and that's helping me to clarify my at times very muddled thoughts but I don't have a sponsor - do you have to have a sponsor for this process?
I hope I'm not being too nosey by the way - please let me know if I'm overstepping the mark but any new ideas would be really welcome.
Thanks and HugZ
Sandra

Gabe

Hey bookworm!
I was wondering where you were.
Alanon recommends a sponsor to work the 4th step.
That being said, I have done it on my own.
It all depends on the individual and how comfortable they are taking their inventory.
If you feel you need guidance, then do it with a sponsor or a trusted friend.
If you feel you can do it on your own, then go on with it.
Peace,
Gabe

Justme57

I was about to ask the same question

it scares the living daylights out of me lol

I just cant get started, so I will read the responses you get with relish!

Good luck

HUGX
Lee

Jeff_C

Please find yourself a sponsor. You’ll not only save yourself some time and effort, (I won’t say wasted ‘cause it never is), but you’ll find a whole new dimension to the program, ---------and yourself. This is a “we� deal from the very get-go, although telling that to a bunch egomaniacs with a persecution complex, brought on by a falling down drunk, and used to isolation and solitary pursuits, looses something in the first translation. By now you’ve probably heard the saying that “our best thinking got us here�, and while there’s some truth in that, it’s what we do after we get here, that will actually spell our recovery.

I’m of the mind that tells me trying to do these steps by ourselves constitutes attempting to fix what’s wrong with us------------------with what’s wrong with us. As much as we need to learn the “program�, we simply need help in it’s interpretation through the eyes and experience of someone who has made it work successfully, and over a protracted period of time. No less with us. Without the benefit of an “unbiased� but caring bystander, we can more clearly see and understand those portions of our selves that we frankly, have a great deal of trouble dealing with . And if you’re not sure what I’m referring to, there’s no doubt a sponsor would be of great benefit.

Steps worked in solitary, are neither verifiable nor accountable, by virtue of our perversity when we first arrive. We simply aren’t capable of applying a “program� we know little about, and the results we get will reflect exactly that. I suppose one could use the words “half measures� and the result of those always “nil�. Cut yourself some slack, and give yourself the best. You’re worth it, and you deserve it. And, I promise, you’ll be glad you did.
Jeff

osier59

Hey Bookworm!

Before the big CRASH, Ann and I were doing a step study over on the Nar Anon forum. We are hoping to have it re-created and re posted w/in the week. We post information from Co Dependents Guide to the 12 steps as well as questions from Paths to Recovery, which is an Al Anon book on Steps, Traditions and Concepts. Many people were posting their experiences with the steps. We had done a pretty indepth look at the first three steps before the computer adventures hit.... so be sure to check it out as you proceed on your 4th step.

With that said, I would also recommend getting a sponsor. A sponsor is someone with whom you develop a very special relationship... and is someone who acts as an accountability partner. My sponsor (the sainted woman that she is) is one of the few people out there who knows and understands me well enough to call me on my stuff. When she points out a behavior or a flaw in me, I know that she is doing it out of love and as a partner in my recovery.

Good luck with your step work. I hope to see you in the online step study discussion too!

Hugs
Barb

Magichappens

You are NOT being to nosey. That is exactly the kind of questions you should be asking. I asked too. I found a guide that I was comfortable with. I am naturally an all or nothing kind of person, and I thought that I had a time limit on that step. I have been working out of the Paths to Recovery book from alanon. They have other guides, such as Blueprint for Progress, and there is other literature that is not alanon that are guides for the fourth step. I liked "Paths" because it is broken down into questions. I can take one question and work on it each day, or a couple a week, and not get so caught up that I can't function. I have experienced a lot of emotions working this step, and I have had to step back and take breaks, put it down for a little while. Taking it one little piece at a time is much more manageable than trying to tackle it all. The one thing that I was told about taking the fourth step is to make sure that my foundation in the first three was there. That is another reason I like the "Paths to Recovery". It goes through all the steps as in-depth as the fourth. When I started my fourth step, I was ready.
There are no musts in alanon. You don't have to have a sponsor to work any step. The reason it is recomended is this person has been through the steps. They can share their experience. My sponsor has helped me see things that I would have missed. Plus, having a sponsor gives someone the opportunity to be a sponsor. I haven't been asked to be a sponsor yet, but I would consider it an honor and I'm sure there is as much to learn being a sponsor as being sponsored. I read a lot on sponsorship before I got a sponsor too. I don't just do things because someone tells me I should. There is too much misinformation that people pass around. I read the free pamphlet on alanon sponsorship, and there is a good chapter on it in "How Alanon Works".
I know that every person has to decide for themselves what course of recovery they are going to take. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Someone seeking recovery will find recovery. There are many tools out there, available to us. For some, a hammer may be all they need. For me, I needed a 6 foot rolling tool chest full. Hugs, Magic